DBT

I want to finish painting and place trim https://upstairs.Cover the walls, rip up the rug. Put new ones https://down.Put up the shelves.Finish, the room, as https://intended.The bathrooms need to be done as https://well.Repaint the kitchen and main rooms.it has been ten years, no improvements or https://completions, I got https://sick.For years, the work stopped, https://completely.I went bonkers trying lol.
I had been here before, in the beginning, 3 years, the first three.
Having an unfinished house, is like an exposed wound.it looks at you daily, reminds you.Unhealed,unfinished, disected and exposed, Im tired of it.to not change, over time, is https://stagnation.The erosion from neglect, is enough to want to cover it up and https://forget.But you see it,it changes,gets worse and soon infects those around https://it.That is why maintaining with upkeep,improvements and change, sometimes not only seasonally, is not only necessary but mandatory for some,like me. It is not control, its routine.
If the remaining house is becoming too much to care for, stop using that https://space.If not, maintain it and improve, for efficiency and serenity, a place to relax.
Have harmony inplace of clutter and chaos, a spot for everything and loose what doesn't belong, it, invades your peace and contaminates your https://home.I have had a hard time getting back into a full maintaining of the house, with https://reason.Changing rooms, packing, donating, recycling items and revisiting them, has a limit.in a state of panic, it is not https://healthy.Being an artist, I do hoard supplies for the next https://peice.I have learned organizing helps the need to https://keep.My work,takes up the most https://space.Boxes and piles of canvases, but those too will one day, be https://gone.A majority of my home is my work and getting back to that level, I no longer expect, but it is not for resale, it is, to live https://in.I do not want neutral or bland cookie cutter https://surroundings.I need ease and balance, clean and thoughful,complete and https://intact.Not best, untouchable and https://sterile.Comfort and https://ease.Safe and secure.fun and fair. Light and dark in harmony inplace of chaos and confusion.
Replace the same energy of stagnant defiance with inpactful https://designs.All I can do is paint it out.

Ignore and https://repeat.The intention and impact of one person's personal attacks, is https://fair.But the coordinated efforts of multiple, is a https://attack.Ecspecially when the person attacked, is alone, without support and seeking care.I've watched it happen to women, in the workplace, in social circles and families.it takes a certain type,a certain personality and hurt, to inflict that type of isolation and pain, upon someone you say, you care for.
And the audacity to flip the script on that person, once they realize it. Denying someones reality and reason, is a different https://level.Ive kept multiple diaries because I learned over time, they will, say it never happened, they do not recall and rewrite the facts to suit their narrative, because they do no harm, no matter https://what.Do not spit in my face and call it rain.

We laughed and were happy until it bothers https://you.Our giggles made you https://mad.Talking and bonding wasn't celebrated,it was a https://intrusion.Every attempt we have made,has been met with defensiveness,contempt and a pattern of https://munipulation.We speak about the issues as they arrive, we resolve and move https://accordingly.And we revisit the issue if https://needed.There is a mutual respect and give and take, for there to be a https://relationship.I do not understand why a person would hold that much contempt, for the ones, that put them, first.to turn to the ones, that hurt https://them.We will always invite, include and stand up to support others, who supported https://us.But we wont be insulted, shamed and disrespected when we call out munipulation.Nope, not https://us.We have gone through this before, too many times.

Missing people, for what brought out, in you, is a different type of grief. You seperate from that role, you played, if you had one. A daughter, a sibling, a spouse, friend, mentor.
When the role, is title https://only.There isnt grief, it dissolves naturally, fades away, easy and with cuts.
When that title, has influence and ground, the greiving is intense, deep and https://abrasive.That role, can strip away the layers gently or ware them down hard, it is a choice people make, who are you.
I decided to remove the layers,one by one and they hurt others, falling https://off.I asked for help and was https://dismissed.I confided and was met with defensiveness and https://denial.I sought help and was told to https://stop.I have now stepped back farther to recognize, the isolation, miscommunication and assumptions,that have plated, the narrative of my https://life.I am blessed to have had a handful, that new and know, who,I am.
Gossip and hearsay, whether true or false, says more about you, than whats being said. My son knows https://this.A large numbers of adults, do not.
And I do not sit at tables, where the course, of socializing is, speaking ill of those, not at the table. Two faced lives, do not belong in my https://life.I like to praise others, compliment their loved ones and encourage https://growth.Not scheme and chastise with guilt and https://judgement.And if pointing it out makes you uncomfortable, try again, smile, give https://grace.Try it, I did and it is easy for me to fall back and I see, https://now.Clearer now and boundaries are stronger than https://before.I will always have good memories of my life and be grateful for the good the pendulum brings.it is what I can https://control.Are you grateful for your mistakes or ashamed? Shame does nothing but paralyze.
And I learned that before talking, shame.

So now, I talk as much as I can, when I feel frozen.
It works it out, like a knot, breaks free.

They, then leave me alone, when I tell the truth and I do say the truth, when I talk.
If I hurt you, then speak to me https://directly.Not your friend or neighbor, me.
Thirsty Thanksgiving Thursday giving thanks before the cooking starts,gravy goodness and kitty cravings!!!!

I am disappointed in a woman, I admired. A few to be https://frank.She confided in me,with malicious https://intent.Dressed herself up as a feminist but secretly defends misogynistic vues,for the sake of the male https://ego.Has an elitist demeanor,overly critical and https://judgemental.The denial and anger, from this person has caused damage to years of growth, but denial runs deep...Sorry.Degrees do not make you a feminist, sorry.
I mirrored it.
I told exactly what was happening, exactly how it felt and how it was destroying the https://home.I figured out what was https://happening.I am not stupid, nieve or am I a wolf in sheep's clothing.im exposed and you watched.
I used to tell him, do not judge what happens behind someone elses marriage, you have no https://idea.I sat and watched, for years and kept quiet.
I begged, cried, pleaded for https://years.I faught and lost.
All the same issues arise, with me, out of the picture, https://funny.I am not surprised or looking for a fight.im looking to learn new and grow,put these last six years behind me for good.
Yes, six https://years.Six years ago, I saw everything and everyone, for what it, really https://was.Thank you for showing me the truth.
I wish, they could have left my Son, out of https://it.But I have learned, the kid knows, in the end, whos https://who.Who was there.

And, One day, someone will ask and they won't know any of the players, and that will feel https://good.I look forward to that day again.
Having a support circle, that is healthy, secure,transparent and https://resilient.A circle, that shows up, fully https://invested.I have had it and I will https://again.I cannot blame the ones, who needed it more.

Let the professionals do the healing work.you made it hurt,I lost time and you dragged me.you knew, did not care and were happy, at the worst time in my life.
I supported his decisions and that went against, yours.so you, went against me.
I remembered everything.

I asked for clarification, Im told Im https://arguementative.I asked for inclusion and was told next https://time.I asked for response and told, I didnt follow https://through.I wanted order, told I was https://controlling.I need help, told I complain and want https://attention.Asked for attention, told I was too https://needy.I said Im not feeling right, told I was https://pretending.I was in pain and was told it was in my head.Couldn't feel my hand, told to try https://harder.My legs felt funny, told I was https://lazy.Felt dizzy, told Im not drinking water.
Now, Im a bitch, a cunt, a nag, a bad person? No, thats not how therapy works.
Im remembering all of https://it.And others,denying what I went through, will not change my reality or https://circumstances.No matter how helpful, you feel, your orchestrated life lessons might https://be.I will still have my AVM,like I have since the beginning of my mother's existence, yes that far back.