I’ve struggled with #PTSD & #Depression (etc) for 10 years since being #beaten & suffering a #TraumaticBrainInjury (etc).
One year ago I found a new psychiatrist and FINALLY saw improvement with his regiment of carefully adjusted #medications.
3 days ago I was glancing through local news when I saw a mugshot of my #Psychiatrist ⁉️⁉️ Arrested for forging #Prescriptions ⁉️ (Again❓)
A history of #DUI ⁉️ And charged in the past with #DomesticViolence ⁉️
I’m not angry. I don’t condemn him.
I sorrowfully prayed for him that evening even though I was trembling with a panic attack.
#nooneunderstands I feel insecure, scared, unstable, vulnerable, dreadful, anxious, and lost again.
How would you feel being told “all is not lost”, “you’re strong, it’ll be ok”, “that sucks”, “he’s just your med prescriber, it’s your therapist that really matters”, and “just tell your next dr to keep you on the same meds”.
I’m not sure how this works exactly. I keep seeing all these posts about friendships and it makes me have to sit in reality and comprehend that just bc my contact list in my phone has people doesn’t mean they’re my friends. Then I have to realize I don’t have any friends and I try not to wander back into the rabbit hole bc it’s easier and safer in there.
The last few months have been a roller-coaster, but one mostly going downhill. This month, I feel like I'm barely hanging on: I'm in a job I hate, it's super stressful, and I'm in a foreign country where I don't feel at home and mental illness is heavily stigmatised. I've tried speaking to my therapist back home as well as my boyfriend and my dad. I'm taking my meds regularly. But I still feel soul weary, continually anxious and stuck in a spiral of hopelessness. Toss in my bipolar as well, and a brain that is numb from thinking and you have a person who is a puppet held up by fast-fraying strings. All I want to do is sleep. Yet as much as I explain all this to people, no one really gets it. They tell me why I shouldn't be anxious about things or to remember I'm going home in a month and a half. But none of it helps. I really need a comforting shoulder right now, someone who has some idea of just how I'm feeling and won't just tell me to stop worrying. #Anxiety #breakdown #exhaustion #Bipolar #doyouunderstand