encouragment

I feel so lost and like I'm struggling right now. I really am. Once again, my emotions got me in trouble. I don't like fighting with people but I have this terrible habit of shutting people out. I suppose it's due to a lack of role models when it came to modeling emotions or the simple fact that I was abused. Whatever the case may be I am so disgusted with myself. I know people mean well when they want to talk to me when I'm upset but for whatever reason I'd rather go days without speaking to them. I am trying to understand why this is. I don't like hurting people because it only makes me feel worse about myself than I already do. It's like this vicious circle of shutting people out then feeling bad later because I said or did something out of line. I know my avoidance tactics can be kinda excessive often lasting for a week or so. It's not that I have anxiety about talking to people, I don't know what it is.

I just feel so lost at the moment. There is so much going on currently that it's like I'm being bombarded with information, thoughts and feelings. Meanwhile trying to work and maintain a healthy relationship. I don't know if my symptoms are flaring up again or if I am simply overreacting. Whichever the case, I don't like it. I try to manage my symptoms with therapy and medications but as I've written before I am at risk of losing that which has me very worried. I am also not looking forward to something that I have to do which I know will be very triggering. That has been occupying my mind and making it hard to do anything. I talked about this in therapy but that doesn't seem to be enough. I'm just at a loss right now. It feels like I am going backwards and my life is falling apart again. I don't want to jeopardize my relationship or anything else.

I just feel defeated and while I may be working towards healing each day, recently things have not been working out in my favor. I hate being so emotionally reactive. I wish I could just act rationally sometimes like other people do. While I could rant about why I dislike my mental illnesses I won't. I just really need some help/encouragement right now. Prayers too please (if you're into that). I just don't want to go down a dark path of self harm again. I am not saying I'll do it, only that I don't want those thoughts to return. We are here for each other. Normally I try to inspire all of you, now I am asking for inspiration from all of you. I appreciate you allowing me to vent. It helps a lot.

Blessings.

-Anastasia

#PTSD #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #SexualAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #help #encouragment #Selfharm

So first of all I want to thank you all for all the hearts and the comments the encouragement in the prayers because of these horrific migraines along with tachycardia and many other symptoms. So the doctor ordered many tests, blood work, x-ray of the chest, a holhter monitor .echo cardiogram. As well as MRI of the brain and ultrasound of the abdomen and my gallbladder, I also had a infection.My doctor said that he would be running many tests over the next 3 weeks and that I would see him then. I want to thank my Mighty Family for being there in my hour of need. Not sure where to go from here .I'm still very concerned about the migraines but I just learned from a comment that I could go to the ER and get help with that .Thank God. Any information or comments would be helpful about these tests and what's ahead for being undiagnosed. Cuddles and I love you. ......#Love my Mighty Family #hearts ❤️ #your Experiences #suggestionsplease #encouragment #prayers 💗🙏🌞🐈

I decided that what the medical industry provided me was merely symptom treatment, nothing was looking at the root cause and no medications had the interest of me being healed. I went to a naturopaththic clinic and decided to give these hippies a try. This literally changed my life. I started to listen to my body and understand the beautiful connection that my body had with the foods I eat. I started with a diet of cleansing and healing foods. First focusing on healing my gut and later on healing the way my body dealt with inflammation and cleansing of toxins.

This was the hardest thing I have ever done because there isn’t any quick fixes and learning to listen to your body takes work (like any important relationship). Unlinke the inhaler that would instantly suppress my symptoms, healing my body was a long term strategy turned lifestyle that didn't always go according to plan. Through trial and many errors, I found foods that worked for me and my body. Remember we are all different and we need an individual approach to understanding and working with our bodies. 

I am now in a place where I am free of daily medications. I never did take Meloxicam and haven’t experienced anything related to reactive arthritis again. 

I want to encourage you and say there is hope! I used to fantasize about how I would be on an airplane, it would crash, I would survive that crush but die a slow death because I had lost my medications. Living in this fear doesn't have to be a way of life for you. 

Now before we get out the pitchforks, I’m not saying that medications should all just disappear, without them I would have not seen my 3rd birthday. All I’m saying is that if you were like me, tired of being sick and tired I encourage you to supplement your medications with a lifestyle that promotes health! 

This journey has promoted me to become a health coach, because if all I did for the rest of my life was help others along their health journeys, I’d die a happy man. 

I know this was long (its my first post so I can get away with that haha), but if you've read this much your probably in a place where you needed to hear about this. I hope it encouraged you today! Now go eat some fruit and veggies haha

#Asthma #ChronicFatigue #Hope #encouragment #Healing

I just wanted to share my story with you all in the believe that it brings you some encouragement and hope.

This is a story of my pursuit to destroy asthma.

I was diagnosed with asthma at the age of 2 where I nearly died from riding a horse. Living with asthma wasn't something that brought a lot of confidence and peace into my life. I was forever chained to my inhaler for fear of that sudden asthma attack that would squeeze the breath from my lungs. Fear has been a major theme in my life and something that even today I struggle with. Something that I have come to be aware of is that fear wants to infect every aspect of your life and completely destroy any joy and hope you try and have.

Especially as a young child I was completely embarrassed of having asthma and taking an inhaler. I remember being on the playground at school and having to go around the corner to use medication because I was so scared of other people seeing me as weak and different. Because of this sense of being weak I felt like I needed to battle asthma every chance I could get. I would push myself physically to try and prove to myself that I can conquer asthma. This was to no avail, as it would always come and bring me to my knees huffing and puffing for air, with that fear that comes with tightening of breath being ever present. I remember once in my early teens I decided to mow the lawn (this was a huge trigger for me). As I mowed I focused on pushing past the wheeze and not stopping. I finished mowing he lawn but was so wheezy that I couldn't even put the lawn mower into the garage. It took everything within me to ring the doorbell continuously until my mom answered. Seeing me close to passing out she ran, got my inhaler and started pumping ventolin into me like a deflated tire. There was many episodes like this in my life, ones that I never was able to defeat.

Fast forward to 2016. After suffering a serious stomach virus, Listeria, I woke up one day to a completely swollen shut elbow. If you haven’t experienced it, its hard to explain but I could not bend my elbow no matter how hard I tried it would move. This started to effect other joints in my body, wrist, knees and ankles. I was diagnosed with reactive arthritis. The only thing that was offered was a pill called Meloxicam. If you are taking this you know the side effects are insane. I had to go into the hospital once a month to make sure my kidneys were failing, I would get more sensitive to the sun, upset stomach, nausea and the list goes on. This is where everything changed.

See post 2 for a happy ending

#Asthma #ChronicFatigue  #reactivearthritis   #Hope  #encouragment   #Healing  #mystory #Holistic #asthmafree