Feelingbroken

The season is changing. Things are becoming more overwhelming. Things are beginning to start to darken more & more with lack of sunlight. The leaves are changing colors. Even though it looks like a abstract rainbow 🌈, it is the beginning of my fight to function. My fight to stay motivated & awake.
I struggle with #SeasonalDepression in the fall to winter season, as if I'm a bear going into hibernation. The issue? I have 4 #sensitive #empath boys. Two #HighlySensitive compared to the other two. All in the home with me & my combat veteran husband. So, Things can already be a bit challenging with my high spirited crew... then, you sprinkle on #SeasonalDepression issues and it doesn't help anything at all, it makes even more challenges.
I get cold easily and I have growing lights in the most frequented areas of the house. It helps some, I guess. But, the kids are all about #outsidelife #nomattertheweather and always want me to follow them in the fun. When I was a little one... that was okay. I have never been to thrilled, though, of the cold weather, but would play. As I have gotten older, this #SeasonalDepression affect has taken a hold of me more, and more as sneaky as a mink in the night. I don't go anywhere, unless is is really needed. We try to live off our land, so... more & more... there is NO need to go out in the cold.
Somedays, I feel like all the energy is completely drained from me, as if #energyvampire just attacked and drained the life from me. Those days, I just want to sleep. The hardest thing to fight, when you have littles depending on you. So, you #makecoffeeinhopesithelps & push through all the fog and muddy bog of the day. Even if it turns out to be a pleasant day, you are left wondering why you can't seem to fully be filled with happiness you'RE supposed to be feeling in that moment. It surely is #NOTalackofloveoforcarringabout anyone involved in that happy/great day that occurred. It is almost as if one is being #robbedoftheenjoymentoccuring and I have #neverknownhowtofix this issue.
Before my husband, I was left #Feelingbroken #wonderingifIcouldeverbelovedforme #flawsandall . #IfIcouldeverbeunderstood instead of #ridiculedandcutdown or #castasideandlostinacrowd . I'm still #unsuremyhusbandunderstands as often he thinks I am a #unsolvablemystery , which is #goodandbad . Bad because I long for him to #acceptandunderstandasmybestiedoes (16 year bestie) & good, because it can keep things a bit exciting still after #9yearstogether ... as long as he is still up for it.
We are have been doing #Marriage365 . We are using a #lovenudgeapp .. or at least I am. It incorporates #the5lovelanguages which can be #helpfulunderstanding how someone else operates.
I try to go do photoshoots with my long time photographer friend who has her share of struggles too. We did a Witchy shoot last month that was dressing up, pretending & a fun 2 hour break. Sunday's a family friendly Halloween Massacre.
#IGY6 ; #someoneunderstands #fight 🔀