It’s hard.
For the last few weeks, what’s been on my mind is extending forgiveness. It’s not that I don’t have the ability to forgive my stepparent or that I don’t want to, it’s just that right now I don’t have any forgiveness to give. I read a short article about those who shame and or blame others to forgive and it made a lot of sense. Some people really think that it should be given almost instantly as if you weren’t hurt. And rushing into forgiveness when you’re not ready to do so can be damaging. I do realize now that over the years, more was/is expected of me when it comes tho things like this, especially from my mother. It’s stemmed from her comparing her life to mine. And being the eldest daughter added pressure for me because even though I have my own mind and I can be stubborn and strong willed, it often feels like that part of me just isn’t allowed. Trying to use my voice growing up was always silenced, even if I had a reason to speak up, which was so confusing. She told me to always told to speak up for myself, but when it comes to her, I’m either questioned or shut down for being too sensitive to what is said to me. I’ve been told that I’ve been “too sensitive” my whole life from people who are just as emotional as I am, but I’m the one in the wrong. I’m not seeking out to be right in my battles, I’m just trying to find the right ways to go about it because my personality is both praised and criticized by the ones who never corrected their trauma. #MentalHealth #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Forgiveness #HighlysensitivePerson #sensitive #Trauma