heartbreak

i sleep Alone

eat Alone

and breathe Alone

so why wouldn't i be okay with being

Alone?

and then i let you in.

so now we do things together

from hugging and kissing

running and talking

but,

now you're gone

you decided you wanted someone else

and that's cool i guess

but now i don't eat and i can't sleep

it's hard to breathe cause at times i don't want to

but it's fine because now i bleed

Alone.

but it's fine.

i "like" being Alone.

#MentalHealth #SuicidalIdeation #PTSD #Trauma #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Suicide #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #heartbreak

Maybe you're right. maybe this is all I can be, but what if it's you and it wasn't me? Maybe we could be something more than what we have been. Maybe we could be more than friends more than what we are. we could be lovers? But then ill show you the darkest parts of me. the ones i don't want no one to see. the side of me that left me pleading. yet. you want me?

#Lovelost #heartbreak #Depression

After 200 days, I ask:

Why do I still leave my bedroom door open as a symbol of thinking he may return?

Why do I wonder what he’s doing during moments in the day?

Why does it never seem as sad but I feel sad because I’m not sad?

Why do I still remember what my life looked and felt like?

How can I still remember what he looked like or felt like?

How can I still think he’s decent when he said undeniably hurtful things?

Why is my job and life still much harder without him?

Onward we go to another 200 days. 💔

#breakup #heartbreak #Anxiety #Grief #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #nocontact

I’ve been pretty stoic about it in my waking hours but I see him when I sleep.

I dream about his family. Having a conversation with him. Running into him at school. Or in public. I have only a foggy outline of his figure and have lost any semblance of his voice completely.

I’ll never forget a dream from that first week, where we drove past each other on the highway and stopped, staring at each other and then moving on.

I never remember what I say. I just know I won’t be able to say anything at all to him in real life.

#breakup #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Anxiety #heartbreak

We started dating right before Christmas in 2023. It was the best gift I had ever received. I can’t express to you what joy I felt.

I’m worried for the holidays now. Not because I can’t have some fun, but because something will be very different this year. The apartment that he helped me move to is going to be decorated alone and I’ll celebrate here without him. It doesn’t feel right. Even though he’s been gone for so long.

It’s almost been five months now. Soon I will have been without him for longer than I was ever with him. Man, this is hard.

P.S. I am doing just fine. School is a lot of work and I’m taking care of what needs to be taken care of. Thanks for letting me share the stuff I don’t get to talk about as much.

#Grief #Anxiety #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #breakup #heartbreak

I don’t think I have the strength to continue dating. I was talking to another guy that ghosted me after talking for months. I’m always feeling like I’m a second or third option to everyone. Rejection after rejection makes me feel like, Am I even worthy to go out with anymore? I’m scared and tired of baring myself emotionally to get kicked and stomped on. Now I feel, in my early 30s, that I will die alone with my cat. I hate this feeling. Every bad date or experience feeds the depression. I am barely functioning. Barely leaving the house. I don’t know what to do. #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Dating #heartbreak #MentalHealth

My adult son and I have had a close relationship, going out to dinner and a movie most weekends, as I moved across country to be closer to him and other family. Recently, I had a heart scare and was in the hospital 6 days. He informed me( the day I was released) that he only helps me because he says he is a good son but he doesn’t owe me anything. Seems so angry and now I feel like I am a burden. His callous and cruel words has pretty much destroyed my heart. I honestly thought he enjoyed my company and really loved me but am even questioning why he wanted me to move. This has truly broken this 73 year old mothers heart. Don’t even know how to move forward. Thanks for reading. #heartbreak

I was just wondering what your thoughts are on telling someone you love them, even if you know the feeling isn’t mutual? There is a man I love…we’ve been friends for a while, and slipped into a situationship a couple of years ago, but it has been mostly platonic for the last year or so. He’s been hot and cold over the years, but has always kept me at arms length. His reasoning is the age difference, and he’s said he doesn’t feel that way towards me. Even though it’s definitely seems he has at times, he’s verbalized that he doesn’t. I however DO love him and have strong feelings for him. Do I tell him I love him? Not in hopes that he’ll love me too necessarily, but because I feel like I need to? Is it wrong to him if I put him in that position? Or should I not worry about that and speak my truth? I’m scared, but feel like I need to tell him how I feel. Life is short. Even if he doesn’t feel the same way, at least I shared how I feel. I’m curious everyone’s thoughts and opinions on this? #Love #Anxiety #heartbreak #Opinion #Truth #help #MentalHealth #SpeakmyTruth #honesty

Healer Pains

Full of Anger and rage
Feeling like I’m a animal locked in a cage
My nature is so misunderstood
Perhaps it’s time to move on from the hood
But I Love my independent city
Even though the committee ain’t take no pity

Isolated and assets frozen
Although they don’t yet know I’m part of God’s chosen
Treated like a hardcore criminal
My poem are definitely subliminal
If you know me, you’ll get it
Ain’t the usual one to quit

I walked away for self protection
So, wouldn’t be forced into flexion
Straight forward as it can be
Though I did flee, At least I’m free
Self love is a priority
Even if I ain’t in the majority

That don’t stop us from doing as we please
Perhaps, why I’m a narcissist that is to be put in a freeze
From trauma and vulnerabilities we came up,
Banged up, beat up - yet we still worked hard and built up
So, why the hate?
And all the jealousy mate?
Took you for free spins and fed you during your worst

You were injured and I was the one to bring you back to health and nursed
And now I’m cursed?
Don’t bite the hand that feeds you
One day, you gotta regret it my boo
True love, acceptance and understanding- heck, gave even my soul
Now, all this hurt masking as anger and making feel like a burning coal

Quite the toll, though I thought your love was free
Then, why the hefty fee?
Anger and rage on the front
Amidst a manhunt
Hurt and grief under the front
Perhaps, nows the time to get blunt

Yes, I am fucked up
And the only one who saved me is my pup
You were right, I was stupid
The only mistake I made was chasing Cupid
Don’t know my story yet think they know all
Destroying me so I forget to walk and can barely even crawl

Malicious prosecution and defamation
Think it’s a game of persuasion
It’s nothing more than a crime
To prevent me from the social and corporate climb
You think I forgot, that’s cute
I never forget a learned friend dispute

You know I’m better than you
And that’s a strong fact that’s more than just true
Don’t let simple nature and humble attitude fool you into arrogance
You caused me to lose my soul and become spiritless
The student is now the master
Now that deserves a round of applause and laughter

Karma is a mogul’s game
And though I don’t care for the fame, it ain’t gonna stop me from bringing the claim
Justice is overdue, stayed quiet for too long
Have come closer to being proven wrong
My only regret, had I spoken earlier
I would be worthier

Money is important but my people are my assets
They are the ones to get my out of bad debts
Got my back because we init for ride or die
They ain’t no supply, they real niggas on which we can rely
Now that’s a fact you cannot deny
My team here for the full and permanent long haul

And although right now, I’m back at the stage of crawl
I got the mindset and approach to stay resilient
Cuz I found out way too late that I’m more than just brilliant
Genius and gifted talent, that’s God’s chosen
So, let me give you a glimpse of my life in slow-motion
Watch out cuz this girl’s a tornado, not to be tamed

She won’t remain for much longer chained
It’s time to break free
And I think that’s something y’all agree #heartbreak #Love #Pain #growth #soulpain #selfhelp #SelfHealing #writings #Journaling #feelings #Emotions #validation #hurt #Grief #Loss #Rejection #abandonment #social isolation #punishment #Karma #sins #good #bad