Homeless

Oh how I have missed this app. I have completely forgotten how it is to have a sense of community. It’s been a longgg time lol
A lot has happened. A bunch of losses, betrayal, deaths, psych ward intakes x3, homelessness, new diagnosis, $100 a week job, no car, family icing me out, no friends, no safety, no safety net, no money for therapy, just lost a new job before I even started.. and this is all recent 😆
.. I’ll get more into it later but I’m glad to be back. I’ve missed the support and I need it now more than ever. #Homeless #Bipolar2 #MentalHealth #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anxiety #Grief

I found an old video of me talking when I was happy. I was talking about going to see a wedding venue. We split up this year. What bothers me is how happy I look, my mannerisms. I feel like complete opposite person.. I don't speak confidently or smile or be confident like that. It's so unbearable to be where I am right now. I feel like I will never be happy and sometimes I wish I could end it all. #Suicide #breakup #Homeless

Struggling to express myself, stay positive etc. Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning under the weight of my mum's expectations. Like noone understands.

Am staying in temp accommodation and my whole life has changed dramatically last 6 months and still trying to process (Inc suicide attempts).
My ex is the only one who doesn't have expectations of me so I've been leaning on him. I don't care if you're not supposed to. I have noone else.

This is one of the hardest times of my life and my mum in particular tries but I always end up upset when I see her. She doesn't listen/we're not in same wavelength. She tells me what to do and just dismisses my fears and makes Mr feel stupid. In turn I often storm out which isn't good either but I can't take much more at the moment.

#Stress #Bipolar #Homeless #Depression

So about half an hour ago I got a phone call from a number that I didn't recognise and for some stupid reason my anxiety started acting up. Why though!? I answered the phone call anyway and it turned out to be good news! Finally some good news after being in a dark place for the last days. The application for temporary unemployment benefits is finally accepted! (In the Netherlands it's called "bijstandsuitkering" and I don't really know the right translation for it.)

Which means it's getting a lot easier now to find a place to live as I'm currently homeless and staying at a Nightshelter and spending my days at a Dayshelter from Monday until Friday. The weekends are absolutely horrible, because the Dayshelter is then closed and I just have to spend my days outside. It's like you're not allowed to be homeless between 9:00 and 16:00 during holidays and weekends.

Anyway, does anybody else react the same when your phone starts ringing and you see that an unknown number is calling you? It wasn't even anonymous, I could see the number, but I'm still dealing with the effects of my anxiety now...

#Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Depression #goodnews #Benefits #darkplace #Homeless

DIY for the Soul

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