Trust

× " Now I'm Starting To Get Hit On By Men... And It's OK I Guess... What I'm Trying To Explain Is.. That When Men Especially Younger Men.. Come Up To Chat With Me Etc.. My Feeling's Go Into Shut-Down... And My Ptsd Start's Forming A Wall To Protect My Heart And Emotion's... And Plus My Red Flag Bell's Go Off... To Stay Away... I'm Like Legit Scared To Date Again... Because I Have Been Out Of It For 17 Year's... So Idk What It's Like To Have An Actaul Boyfriend... And I'm Terrified That I Will Not Be Good At It Anymore... Because People Nowaday's Are So Picky And Superficial About Look's Etc... I Don't Have Long Hair... Or Colored Eyes... I'am Simply Me.. All Natural Not Fake... I'm Shy And Quite... I Keep To Myself... Until I Feel Very Comfortable In Getting To Knowing Someone Which Might Take Awhile For Me... I Don't Like The Idea Of Realtionship Hopping... Or Sleeping With Someone On The 1st Night... I Know Buzz Kill... I Would Also Just Love For Someone To Just Be Fully Honest Within Themselve's... But This Journey Will Be Hard For Me To Begin.... " × #Topic #Trust Issue's ☆▪︎☆☆ S. K. ☆☆▪︎☆

So I just made a post titled July 8th.. about that day. But I haven’t been on in a while. Here lately I’ve been feeling lost, disassociated with everything and everyone.

Like nothing will work out..

I even exile myself. I've lost myself, and I know I'll never be able to get the old me back. I just need help letting go of that me, and starting over. I don't feel attached to anything or anyone. I feel like a nobody. Which is my own fault. I don’t feel depressed. I just don't feel anything. It's hard to explain I guess. Idk where my mind has went. But I know im not me, I don't feel like me.
I can't get along with anyone, all I do is make bad choices, argue with everyone. I've failed everything and everyone, myself included.
I'm just tired of feeling this way. I just want to be better and move forward. But no matter what I always fail.
I always cry and break down when literally no one is around because I made the mistake of showing him my sensitive side, and he took it as weakness. I'm too sensitive. So I just keep to myself.
I hate feeling weak and not good enough. No, no one tells me those things, but the way things are said, do not help. I've been so use to feeling alone, dealing with things alone, I guess I don't know how to let people help.

I think that's why I feel this way, cause I'm tired of hurting and going through it all so I'm trying to not feel anything, because it's better than feeling pain.
It sucks loving someone so much more than you love yourself, just to wake up one day and realize you never meant anything to them, they were just using you for their own personal gain until they no longer needed you..
So every time they told they loved you, they wanted a family with you, they wanted to spend the rest of their life with you.. it was all a lie. And you can't trust anyone else that says it, because you feel one day you're gonna wake up to the same thing.

#Trust #PTSD #Anxiety #Depression #BipolarDisorder #Life

Handwoven lace, spun from a magical spider's web fashioned her posture; veiled were her dreams, old lover's deceptions and all unbridled emotions. Before, as if in another life she has been the lead dancer, the one spinning to the pretty notes, unwinding with the delicacy of her spirit. Poised, she leapt through memories both shiny like sapphire and fragile as opals. Around her was a still, mirroring pond of light. She was a lost feather, floating solo from high above, performing an impromptu pirouette and free falling in the breath of cool northern winds. Her eyes were stained with glassy ice blue tears which solidified as soon as they breeched from their ducts. Snowflakes flew around her and she became cold, landing hard upon the marbled stone beneath her. She lay there and closed her eyes. She wanted to stop the tinkling of a rhetorical melody from her own music box which continued to play beyond her control. She had broken her strongest leg, the one she used to lean on when avoiding painful lyrics that reminded her of her flurrying youth. Her shadow was growing old and her desire to dance began to fade. No hand came to help her up and no one knew that she lay in pain; truth be told she did not long for help. The ballerina knew she was doing all she could to mend her wounds and protect her future from being shattered. From the heavens the moonlight crystalized her beauty, shielding her from surrendering herself all together. Her strength although enervated, would call upon her to rise again. As all folkloric sagas have us to believe "amore-propre" is restored and the beast within is slain or out-witted, the beautiful one's faith is redeemed, and the Prima donna always experiences a reawkening with butterflies swimming around her head and that which was her nemesis is obliterated. The ballerina in this story is glued en-pointe, center stage in a polished oak jewelry box; the golden key is wound and she spins ever so slowly as Lara' s Song resumes. Somewhere my love, within this broken Ballerina her own needs were forsaken without mirth; to see those she love resuscitate their own dreams was a gift for sh#e once again had an honorable purpose.

#Trust
Hi All,

I found out about four months ago that something was suspicious between a co-worker and her. I found some texts that were conversing as if they were in a bf/gf level of relationship. less than a week later I found sexting. in the same https://time.time.e period I found out she changed her booking to two beds at a hotel (she was there for a mental health break and to isolate alone). I confronted her and she said she did invite him come and hang out, to which he declined so I'm told because he thought it would end up in bed.

if they are sexting it makes no sense for him to say "oh, no thanks". The following Friday she was doing to isolation thing to go out herself and relax etc. She chose the movies. I found texts like the bf gf ones above saying how they can't wait to see each other and other small talk you do whewhen your in honeymoon phase. Again she told me he cancelled last minute.

We are doing marriage counselling and she has shown that she has lots of trauma, and needs her own medication and individual therapy. which is happening.

she said she's changing because she doesdoesnt like her life as it is, yet I'm the one she can depend on and wants me there. we are separate bedrooms after each of us spending two weeks out of the house with friends etc

in that two week period above my trust was f*cking smashed worse thathan ever before. my trust of her is almost nil.

CAN ANYONE RELATE AND HELP??

Thanks.