An Unexpected Love Story #LongPost #EmotionalRollercoaster
To my veteran, the man of my dreams, the love of my life 🥺💕
If you've seen my previous posts you'll start to notice this is a trilogy 🤣
The gulf war veteran who freed my heart from heartbreak with the truth. And accidentally fell in love with me😳
I was still coming to terms with the fact I had been lied to by some loser with stolen valor (as you'll see in my previous posts).
You were still hurting over the godawful breakup you just had a few weeks ago.
We were just two broken souls looking for peace.
Never did we expect life to lead us to where we are now.
You came to pick me up so we could hang out at your place. I could see the presence of depression in your environment which made you nervous but having been there myself It did not even phase me. You were polite and funny, a complete gentleman. And we talked for hours about our history our trauma and our lives. I enjoyed your presence so much I didn't wanna leave and I began to stay the night. You resected my space and boundaries and made me feel safe. But sheeesh I did not expect you to confess your love for me on the THIRD DAY. After all didn't I just go through a situation like this?? I'm not going to lie I was absolutely terrified. But you respected the fact I would need time. We continued to spend every day together and my own feelings of love started to develop.
And I eventually said I love you back✨
Tho it's not that simple. But is Love ever simple?
You sat me down and explained in great detail that after your ten years in Iraq, you are suffering from PTSD (but actually you weren't lying to me like SOMEONE I KNEW) and had %100 disability from it. And that if I wasn't comfortable with having a partner with this mental disability I was free to walk away with no hard feelings. And I looked you in your eyes and said I choose you. As long as you truly love me I will stay by your side.
The time came when your symptoms started piercing through your mask of “normal”. You tried to combat it with alcohol and smoking with little result. But I stayed by your side, I gave you words of encouragement and love when you felt like your body’s nerves were on fire. I reassured you of my love when you were afraid I would leave you or hurt you for you had such Horrible horrible past relationship experiences. Finally, I had a place to put all my empathy, love, and understanding not only that but to receive it in return.
But it wasn't all smooth sailing from there. I randomly started to change I began to feel anxiety I began to be irritable for no reason my body ached and I couldn't handle alcohol or vaping anymore. I began to throw up and became so exhausted all the time. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings when I felt overwhelmed I didn't mean to snap at you because I was irritable I didn't know why I was starting to change.💔
I was pregnant😳
Holy shit I was pregnant. Everything made sense🤣. You were over the hills excited and I was scared as hell🙃. Was I ready to be a mom?! Am I even capable of such a thing? I've always wanted children but sheesh I thought I would be married and have my own house first😅. You immediately went into dad mode you decided you wanted to be medicated so that you could hone your symptoms better and be a good father. You reorganized the entire house and began to dote on me. And by God did you do your best to handle my mood swings . It wasn't easy as the months went by, we fought, we cried, and we went to bed upset. But we always came back together and learned and we're better for it each time. I will always be incredibly thankful for your family’s support especially your mother she is such an inspiration and always helped me through my feelings. They were just so happy the eldest had finally found “the one” and did whatever they could to help us. And I was grateful that my family was also accepting of you and happy for me.
I began to struggle with anxiety and depression and I got stuck for a while. You felt so hopeless and it put a strain on our relationship. Then you were told some bad news about your health during your checkup and were told you would need to give up smoking and drinking if you wanted a long life. It was hard on both of us but you tried your hardest to get sober and I was so proud of you.
The day came when we found out we were having a baby girl and it was like something in me changed. It honestly felt like my mind had finally found its way back to my body. My anxiety started to simmer down and my depression was going away. I was having a daughter 🥺 and I want her to have the best life she can have full of love. I want to give her all the love and care I was never able to have all the opportunities I was robbed of free to be whoever she wants. And to do that I needed to get my shit together.
Seeing me change sparked a new sense of hope in you. Getting sober was so hard on you and your symptoms. Somedays you were relaxed other days you felt madder than the mad hatter it was draining you but at least I was getting better and was able to be there for you🤍
You have been so misunderstood since coming home from your ten-year service. Seen as a loose cannon a ticking time bomb with no one to turn to no one who knew the hell you've seen. You have a heart of gold you care so deeply and you want so badly to save the world to save those less fortunate than us from the horrors of war and evil. You've seen so much evil and it's left its mark on you. My heart breaks during the far and in-between times you've told me about the deaths you've witnessed. I can see the gentle scared little boy in your eyes fighting everyday to be the man he needs to be for me and our daughter. And I'm so proud of you. And I will do everything in my power to help you succeed and advocate for you. You've done nothing but take care of my heart and give me time to trust and heal and fall deeper in love with you and im so glad you are in my life.
I am thankful for the life I've had tho sometimes it felt like hell. For now, I see that I was being formed so I could be the best version of me for you and you for me and for our little Raven🥺
Right now you are in a veterans program so you can really get sober and become stable so you can be a good father before the baby comes. And I'm so proud of you. I am so happy after the heartbreaks, pain, loneliness, death, and what felt like an eternity of sorrow God led us together. You tell me all the time I saved you but my love you saved me and I can't wait for you to be home I cant wait to be your wife and I can't wait for our baby girl to get here.
God is so good all the time and I'm thankful I didn't give up before receiving this amazing blessing in His great timing🤍😭✨
Thank you for taking the time to read my series of stories and watch me grow in my journey and the journey still to come.
I can truly say even when you think it's only a matter of time before you give up
It truly does get better💕
Keep on keeping on and keep your head up and heart guarded remain kind to yourself and be mindful of your thoughts. Don't spend so much time looking down that your chances of a good life pass you. And maybe stop trying so hard to find love and give more love to yourself and perhaps like me it'll find you when you least expect it✨