Hi, my name is hailwic_04.
I’m in here trying my best to keep myself from having any future mania episodes and to overall improve my mental health! Id like to pay more attention to self care and confidence!
#mightytogether #anxiety #bipolardisorder #depression #adhd
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I suffer from several mental illnesses. It’s sad to say that my mental illness comes from environmental and genetic. I feel so alone in this great big world. I hate the stigma that comes with mental illness. Especially Bipolar. I have had far too many people associate Bipolar with being a serial killer. Very hurtful. I go through many episodes of deep deep depression. Suicidal thought. I’ve made a plan. But have made a promise to my children I would never do that to them. Which I will keep. I have psychotic features which when manic I hear and see things that are not there. I guess to some this all up I’m not done in a suicidal way but the suffering day to day with the panic from the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep.
If God were sitting infront of me, I would tell him I’m done!
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I have long since struggled with my love affair with mania. The spring and summer have often proved to be a tricky time for me and mania. Are there things you can do to prevent what seems like some red flags of mania? Ways to prevent it? Ways to use the high energy of what comes with mania for positive?
1 reaction Hello! I am in the process of a official diagnosis of BP II. After a long stent of severe depression. My husband was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2019, and passed away in 2022. I had lots of depression throughout his cancer journey, and lots of anger as well. After he passed, things really changed. My depression was so debilitating and the RAGE. In 2 years I managed to run everybody out of my life but my mom, dad and 1 of 3 sons, work became entirely unmanageable. After many times of just laying in bed and calling my son and asking him to take me to the hospital because I don't want to live feeling like this, and eventually I put into plan to end my life. I finally opened up to a friend of mine that is a RN. I opened my heart and my shame to her. She told me I needed to get help, and down the rabbit hole I went.
I initially was put on Mirtazapine and OMFG, I felt like I was on meth, no sleep for about 7 days, running through the house thinking I was cleaning but instead it looked like a tornado touched down inside, I could not consetrate on any one thing without a flood of ideas just pouring into my head,the impulses, paranoia and then walking the tight rope of anger and rage.
I called my Dr. And they took me off of mirtazapine. So I am currently in the process of changing Dr.s, because that has been a whole other S**t show.
Now I am not on any meds, and have a multitude of both depression and mania. Hoping to get the ball rolling soon, because the mirtazapine really did help with my deep emptiness.
#BipolarDisorder
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I’ve started a work-out & fitness routine and it’s helping:) Have dropped a few lbs. Been reading about creatine supplements. Anyone tried these? I’m reading they can cause some mania. I have bipolar type 1 and experience some intense mania alot of weeks; don’t need more, for sure. Just curious what your experience has been. (I’ll be talking with my psychiatrist about this in a few weeks). Thanks!
1 reaction Here is a piece I wrote about my experience
Euphoric Ayah
Euphoria it is a funny word, the meaning is endless, there is no limits to the joys it shows and displays and emits. A feeling any normal person would love to experience but not I, I run from it. Well I didn’t before but now I would if you gave me just a hint of it, I would run a mile.
You ask me why? Why would one run from the feeling of being so extremely happy? No, the question is why would one not run from the feeling of being extremely high? everything is heightened, my happiness, my interest, my passion, my speech. Speech is such a powerful tool yet if misused can become a dangerous tool to all of destruction and will bite you in the back of your neck, people normally do drugs these days to experience euphoria but I took the incorrect medication that led me to be in a state of euphoria for not hours, not days, but months and I am still always questioning whether I am still there.
The funny thing about euphoria is that you don’t know you are experiencing it, it differs from the other emotions and feelings, unlike depression where you are aware of yourself being depressed and being isolated in the dark pit of your own doomed self.That too I have previously experience to do the self pity the self-doubt self-loathing, the self consciousness, everything bad to do with oneself. Depression grips onto you and hold on so tightly bad with it reverses the chemicals in your brain to create imbalance that only the antidepressants can somehow reverse however in my case, it reversed and also did the extra damage of giving birth to the euphoric version of myself and inducing my mania.
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My vision is really bad but we discovered I have an eye condition called exotropia that requires surgery. It's a form of strabismus, I've presumably had it my whole life but nobody noticed until now. Most strabismus surgery happens to kids. The soonest I could get in with the surgeon is April 16th.
My thoracic spine and cervical spine are bad and I'm waiting to hear from my previous surgeon if he wants to help me.
My hips require cortisone injections every 3 months. My previous PCP was doing them. Now he's charging $1200/year out of pocket for his service and doesn't process any insurance. I can't afford it. So now I have to find a new orthopedic doctor. Except last time I talked to one he refused to help me cuz I'm too young for surgery and he didn't offer alternative solutions.
My migraines have been mostly under control for a month. It's because of the topomax. But it's causing big gaps in my memory. I can't remember days. Luckily the breakthrough migraine is squashed by the ubrelvy.
And on top of all of this mess is a great big monstrous case of adjustment disorder flaring so hard. But I'm too tired to be manic. So it's just worry, depression and anxiety through the roof. I'm barely functioning. I normally would be researching my diagnosis but I just don't have any spoons.
My new PCP and her staff don't know how to write a prior authorization for anything. I got denied insulin and dexcom last week.
My foot is...huge doesn't seem sufficient. It's mammoth. And stiff and hurts. My PCP put me on lasix and it was starting to work. Then the first appointment with my new cardiologist, she decided to take me off lasix and tell me to just elevate my leg and maybe try compression socks. She wrote the script for the socks and we just gotta find time to go to Binsons for a fitting. But she told me if it gets worse I should call her. I did that last week. She basically said I don't know what to tell you, just elevate the foot. I've got an appointment with her on the 26th. I'm not happy about it.
Pauley wants to be more involved in my care. I already struggle with my physical limitations, I am trying to be as independent as possible so I still feel human. I don't know how to tell her I want things to just stay the way they've been. If I need help I want to ask, not have it forced on me. I know she means well. But this is just really complicated and I'm tired.
I have to find a new Endo. I've got numbers to call but I'm so burnt out. My diabetes is out of control. The insulin isn't working. I'm at 50 units of lantus before bed and 35 units of humalog. I don't know what to do. My PCP can only do so much.
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March is self-harm awareness month.
The brightest smiles often hold the most pain.
But depression and self-harm and hit anyone. It knows no age, gender, socioeconomic status.
I began self-harming at the age of 12. Unfortunately, it became routine whenever I couldn’t control my emotions. It became a coping skill- something to help me breathe through the pain.
My support system and care team are aware of my self-injury and I am very open with my scars.
I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 in 2020 and was told by my psychiatrist to stop taking my bipolar meds a couple weeks ago because of weight gain. However, this made me slide right into a manic episode where I ended up in the backyard in the grass, staring at the sky, sobbing with new injuries on my forearm.
When my fiancé found out he helped me call the doctor and order my meds again until we can figure out a new game plan.
All this to say… advocate for yourself. Love yourself. Don’t give up. Two steps forward and one step back is still progress.
You are loved and worthy of love.
Relapse is a part of recovery…. Keep climbing even when your legs hurt.
I love you, and I’ll see you soon.
#Bipolar1 #Selfharm #Selfcare #MentalHealth
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I got off Latuda and It was such a bad decision.
The reason why I got off Latuda was because I DID NOT like how they made me feel. They made me feel so sleepy, so zombie like, so exhausted. Even when awake too. I can’t stand that feeling. So I got off them… Not smart, I know. But anyways, I got manic. I started spiraling and then out of nowhere, my responsibilities got thrown out the window. Life was a joke, everything was a joke. I couldn’t take my life seriously. Missing work, missing school, missing out on things that are important to me. I just didn’t care anymore. Scary, I know.
Now im trying to take my meds again, but I HATE them so much. I will see my psychiatrist this month, so lets pray he switches meds for me!! I can’t stand being manic but I also can’t stand being painfully exhausted all the time. ughhhhhhhhhhhh. #Bipolar1 #BipolarDisorder
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Hi, my name is EchoesInRed. I'm here because...I'd like to learn from reading about the personal experiences of others and possibly share some insight from my own experiences... but sometimes we come to crossroads and no matter which direction you go from there it just doesn't matter. Time speeds up around us but seems to stand still. I'm not even sure that I'm in the right sort of place and have nothing to lose so before I waste anyone's time with my rambling I guess I should just get to the point. Although I've been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, anxiety, depression,PTSD, topped off with a certain affinity for a few select alkaloids, it's not me that I'm concerned about these days. I have absolutely nobody to talk to about things and so of course no way to ask advice so that's why I'm here. So basically if there's anything here about being the spouse of someone with mental illness/undiagnosed and have advice about how to handle the unique situations that you encounter and how not to be constantly overwhelmed and doing it by yourself..that would be of great interest. It's been 5 years and every day always seems harder to make it through than the last. I hope I don't seem selfish but from dealing with her "issues" I've just about completely ignored my own and have just tucked it all away for the time being and put on the happy face and figure I'll deal with it someday. At this point I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. She was previously been diagnosed or possibly misdiagnosed, with Bipolar disorder but has since been experiencing new symptoms..like hearing voices. But she's afraid to be given a label such schizophrenia because of the stigma attached to it. She holds back and won't talk to her therapist about the voices...or the "microchip" she believes she has in her body and all the near magical abilities it seems to have. I would honestly give my life for her to get be happy again. Even a manic episode would be nice. Has anyone here dealt with this sort of situation? I mean, I have been doing anything I can to just survive each day but it's getting hard and I'm pretty sure that I could use a little advice
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