mentalhealthmonday

Here's something no one warns you about in a language class. It's a lot harder to fake your feelings when you're learning new vocabulary. With a mother tongue, it's easy to grab a quick set of phrases to create pleasantries to hide bad mental health days. While learning another language, it's hard to hide emotions and come up with phrases that are meant to be pleasant.

Perhaps it's a good thing. Most days, I feel too numb to express myself, but the moment language class is over, I have to release my feelings and cry.

#ClinicalDepression #Depression  #MentalHealth  #mentalhealthmonday   #mentalhealthconfession   #Mentalhealthselfcare  #PTSD  #CPTSD D 

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#mentalhealthmonday

So we have an alter who has never used a body or seen this world. She's trying to figure all of this out and we are doing our best to help her. She decided to leave us video messages on our laptop. It Is so impressive how she figured it out ❤💜 So I, Thamer, was talking to some friends about the experience of watching your body... not acting how you know it to act. As the host, it was both amazing and really... Unsettling. Jane, Tabitha and Little T are all able to sense how I feel and were pretty understanding. They gave me space.
Well, one of our friends (who has crossed boundaries before, said some highly racist comments and has been a trigger for us before) decides to ask if he can watch our new alters video. Our immediate response was HELL NO. I felt really... not violated but so uncomfortable. The alters got very upset. Of the 9 of us, 7 fronted. We self harmed. We were up for hours. We were up so early...
The alters feel like our friend doesn't respect them. Like they're... objects for show and tell or on display to watch and analyze. Like they're less than human, like monsters.... they really are not doing well.
To make matters EVEN WORSE I had asked this person to talk to the rest of our family about our DID and our alters. Because I, Thamer, don't really know how to explain it. Nor do we, collectively, feel comfortable sitting everyone down and explaining. We had sent videos and articles and resources to our support circle. We had explained it the best we can. Our friend agreed to sit the family down and have that initial talk for us.
So, after get upset at the initial question our friend goes 'i don't really understand and I'm scared for you Thamer. You are my biggest secret right now. I don't even tell my wife about what's going on with you.' Which the alters took as... he's scared of them and they're something to be afraid of or ashamed of... He then goes on to say, if you're so proud of your collective that's great. You can explain to people then.
....
So I, Thamer, am feeling so betrayed. Like I have to somehow prove myself to my family and friends. The alters are all reeling and feeling like monsters... to be inspected, analyzed, watched... to appease curiosity. And now they feel like they're something to be ashamed of.
My heart breaks for them... i feel so heavy and hurt. We've self harmed. We don't want to eat. Or do much of anything. One of our biggest self harmers and suicidal alters is close to the front...
How do we comfort ourselves? How do we work on undoing this harm to our system? What do we do... we are so hurt and lost. #MentalHealth #mentalhealthcheck #mentalhealthmonday #Anxiety #Depression #dissociativedisorders #DissociationDisorders #Dissociation #DissociativeIdentityDisorder #alters #Selfharm #self-doubt #help

I can care about myself by caring for others. It can be refreshing caring for others. It takes The focus off my issues. Helps me not to be self centered with my problems, thinking only about myself...it worked today!!!
#mentalhealthmonday #

I will care for myself by rejecting self-defeating thoughts that tell me to feel guilty and worthless.
#mentalhealthmonday