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Well, this happened when I got off work early this morning... I don’t have my license yet (it’s a goal of mine right now, and I’m happy that we’re I am, they are resuming behind-the-wheel tests) so I Uber home. Due to the coronavirus and other events, it’s made it hard at times to get a nearby driver, especially when I’m really tired and I just want to go home. It would take me an hour to get home sometimes because there may be a driver that’s 5 minutes away and I might end up getting one that’s 22 minutes away, or I have to try and retry to find on. It’s frustrating because I literally live 10 minutes away from my job. Anyway, this morning I got off relatively early and I was waiting for a driver to come. During the period of time that I was waiting, trying and retrying, my mind when into dark place. First, I got anxious. Then, it went from me telling myself that somebody, somewhere is happy that I’m stuck at work and can’t find a ride home. That somehow I’m not good enough to get a ride home. Then I calmed down... then I was nearly in tears. I then wanted to hurt myself at that moment. I got really angry, then sad again. In a desperate attempt to stop the thoughts, I bit my hand really hard. Shortly after that, I got a ride and I calmed down again. I decided to stay on course with avoiding my coworker. He did say hi to me, but he has a habit of staring in my direction. It’s been an endless cycle of talking/no talking, all in/avoiding. It’s all draining. #MentalHealth #Depression #Relationships #moodchange
moodchange
Losing My Mind
For some unexplained reason, I felt this wave of sadness and was on the verge of tears. At this point, I honestly feel like I’m losing it. I’ve had a couple of good days, then I go back to feeling awful again. Going from being physically exhausted to questioning why I’m still here. I don’t really like myself today, but the good news is I’m in the process of getting an appointment with a doctor later on this week. #Depression #MentalHealth #Sadness #moodchange #FeelingEmpty #Feelingsad #LosingMyself
Called in sick today #Medicationreaction #moodchange #Zoloft #Anxiety #Depression
I’ve taken 1 out of 4 pills so far this week out of forgetfulness and I’m already so low that I had to call in sick because my mood has destabilized so much that I can’t function. Does anyone else get like this?
Emotional Delay? #EmotionalIntensity #delayed #moodchange
Does anyone else experience delays in their emotional reaction to things?
I have a habit of feeling fine in the moment or suppressing what I think will be an emotional reaction to something. It hits me later like a ton of bricks, some times out of the blue because I'll honestly think I'm ok with whatever is going on. I don't trust my gut reactions to things, I don't want to over react to everything so I've trained myself to wait until later. Problem is the intensity is almost always 10x or more higher when it hits me. I'm fine one moment then, snap, not so much the next second.
SUDDENLY MOOD CHANGE
When I woke up my mood is still okay.
When I reached the office I suddenly want to isolate myself, I lost interest on everything, my voice is almost a whisper, my actions became slow, I even force myself to do my job, my officemates are very worried, they said I look really sad and I dont talk to much, then I reach home after home I became okay again.. I was like that for 2 days..
After 2 days, I was smilling and I felt really happy, my mind is very active.. I can answer and change jokes with them, I become a sarcastic bitch again.. I get easily irritated but keep it on mind only.. I can move faster again, and they can already hear my voice clearly.. but when I got home from work I felt very tired and the very moment i entered our house i suddenlyy nagged to my younger brother with a higher voice but after a while I became calm again.. I was like that for 2 days again and that second day is today..
I dont know what will be my mood again tomorrow and the on coming days..
#moodchange #moodswing #Borderline #actingout #actingin #quietbpd #personality
352SmallThings #change
I guess that mood is the meaning I give to the general feelings I have about how things are going at any time. Like a jazz artist, I enjoy all of them thoroughly. Except for loneliness and helplessness. Thats not a good time. I know that there should be helpers in the community to help keep the right things going on, but where? No one does anything about anything without being paid. I am just waiting for a change in the picture.
#moodchange
#52SmallThings #moodchange #Hope
I went for a walk by myself this morning, instead of going back to sleep. It was cold but the air and sunshine felt refreshing. I brought my one sentence journal and some music.
#Journal #52SmallThings
