Journal

Create a new post for topic
Join the Conversation on
569 people
0 stories
61 posts
Explore Our Newsletters
What's New in
All
Stories
Posts
Videos
Latest
Trending
Post

The nights are the worst 09-05-24

By societies standards, I should feel great. I should be grateful than my life was saved. I should be thankful that nurses and doctors put hours and hours of labor into my corpse and I am grateful but I do also feel guilty. I don’t want them to feel like their work was all in vain, but at the same time I struggle but I don’t struggle like people would think that I’d struggle I don’t have issues with money. My wife left me two weeks in the hospital stay so I no longer have relationship issues although it was a toxic relationship and kind of glad I don’t have those issues.

Of course, the loneliness of things sets in. The nights bring memories of things I did in my past that were fun times spent with friends now time spent with my ex-wife where we weren’t fighting and things were good.

My uncle left me his house of which I now live in, which would be a blessing if he hadn’t passed away here if I hadn’t found him in this house if the walls didn’t reek of my uncle. Every night here is torture. Knowing what happened what suffering took place here.

Im in pain, not physically but mentally emotionally I don’t know what to do. I want to run but I don’t know where to? crawl out of my skin.

Ive felt many pains over the last few years, but never the pain of what I feel now, I feel I’m one step closer to going catatonic. Life’s finally broken me, people tell me to get out, where do I go? And no offense I don’t want to be around other people like this.

find a hobby they say, what? At the moment in life I enjoy nothing.

You’re just being difficult they say, you don’t value how lucky you are. No I know how lucky I am however my luck came with a curse. Money can’t cure my heart, money can’t bring me happiness. Money can’t find me companionship or connection that lasts longer than a day.

take a trip, where? I don’t want to leave my house

therapy, I’ve tried several, they don’t tell me anything I haven’t already thought about myself in my mind.

And believe me I feel like I’ve tried all of the above, why I may have had fleeting instances of joy and happiness soon I had to come back to reality.

I’ve tried the medication I take 15 different ones for my heart my physical pains I was left with, my kidneys liver just about everything, I have a partially artificial heart and a machine that keeps my heart beating. I’m covered in scars from the vampire scars on my throat where the ventilator was and the medicine tube was, down ny chest and the xxs on my stomach and back I had lines coming out of for months.

Whats wrong with me? Have I just come to the end of my road?

I apologize for these jumbled thoughts they’re from a mind of a sleep deprived individual who’s barely hanging on by a thread.

im not even sure if im looking for some inspiration that might help or save me as I’m not sure there’s much left to say or do that could help that already hasn’t been said I think I’m just leaving these notes so if by some stroke of magic change happens and everything turns around I can look back and remember where I came from. Or if i simply can’t carry the weight anymore at least I’ll have said something and my friend and family will have closure, they’ll at least know how much i suffered inside and that im free and onto greener pastures.

#Suicide #Depression #self #alone #Pain #Life #Journal #PTSD #Broken #empty

(edited)
Most common user reactionsMost common user reactionsMost common user reactions 32 reactions 8 comments
Post
See full photo

Saving me daily

This year's journals.
One half full bullet and art journal.
One diary with pages left for December.
One full bullet and art journal.
Collages.
Quotes.
Gratitude.
Therapy work.
Praise lists.
Accomplishment lists.
Just to mention a little of what goes into them.
And I can't but into words how much my journals help me.
Sometimes I feel they save me daily.
#Journal
#BulletJournal
#diary
#ArtJournal
#MightyTogether
#Support
#MentalHealth
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#AvoidantPersonalityDisorder
#Depression
#Anxiety
#Burnout
#HighlysensitivePerson

Most common user reactionsMost common user reactionsMost common user reactions 52 reactions 20 comments
Post
See full photo

How does "Showing yourself grace" look to you?

Thank you all for your support on my last post.
Wow. You have all helped me more than you know.
I am not doing worse today and I'll take it!
Several of you talked about "showing yourself grace".
And I have just started a page in my journal for that topic.
Because I would love to do that more.
And I wish for you, that you would too.
But how does it look?
How do you show yourself more grace?
What practices can you do?
Your perspective is more than welcomed.
In my language we don't have a direct translation of the concept of grace.
So I am struggling a bit to understand it.
#Journal
#BulletJournal
#MightyTogether
#Support
#MentalHealth
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#AvoidantPersonalityDisorder
#Depression
#Anxiety
#Burnout
#HighlysensitivePerson

Most common user reactionsMost common user reactionsMost common user reactions 68 reactions 26 comments
Post
See full photo

Do you have a goal - no matter how big or "small" - for October?

I like setting small, attainable goals for myself. It makes me feel more optimistic about the future which is needed. And it helps me facilitate some of the changes and growth, I'd like to see in my everyday life.
This is my front page for October in my journal.
And I think my goal for this month is being brave in group therapy. And doing my after session notes for group and individual therapy. I have this opportunity for a short time. And I would like to give myself the gift of getting the most out of it.
Do you have a goal for October?
It doesn't have to be big at all. I find that the "small" goals often times lead to the biggest changes and accomplishments.
Share with us if you feel like it.
I know I feel more accountable when I've shared with you sweet people.
Wishing you a great October🍁🐿🎃
#Journal
#BulletJournal
#MightyTogether
#Support
#MentalHealth
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#quietbpd
#AvoidantPersonalityDisorder
#Depression
#Anxiety
#Burnout
#HighlysensitivePerson

Most common user reactions 77 reactions 40 comments
Post
See full photo

Look at the difference🤩

Love old journals and new journals.
Starting a new one.
And just look at the difference between the filled ones and the (almost) empty one.
I love journals.
My journals save me time and time again.
#MightyTogether
#Support
#MentalHealth
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#AvoidantPersonalityDisorder
#Depression
#Anxiety
#Burnout
#HighlysensitivePerson
#Journal
#BulletJournal

Most common user reactionsMost common user reactionsMost common user reactions 64 reactions 21 comments
Post
See full photo

Self-care - because I am worthy

Hello mighties👋
Inspired by suggestions on my post "You ARE worthy" (thank you all for your comments!!), I am making a list with self-care ideas that can support a feeling of being worthy.
Or at least okay.
What self-care is your go to? Share if you feel like it. I would certainly like to know💐
#Journal
#Selfcare
#MightyTogether
#Support
#MentalHealth
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#AvoidantPersonalityDisorder
#Depression
#Anxiety
#Burnout
#HighlysensitivePerson

(edited)
Most common user reactionsMost common user reactions 61 reactions 26 comments
Post
See full photo

The results of your healing are showing... Keep going!

Saw this on Pinterest and saved it in my #Journal
Found it encouraging after another trip down the rabbit hole with depression...
Wanted to share with you. You're doing great! Keep going. Keep taking those small steps. The small steps are the biggest and most important. Without them nothing happens. With them; all is possible. One. Small. Step. At. A. Time.
#Healing
#MightyTogether
#Support
#MentalHealth
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#AvoidantPersonalityDisorder
#Depression
#Anxiety
#Burnout
#HighlysensitivePerson

(edited)
Most common user reactionsMost common user reactionsMost common user reactions 31 reactions 10 comments
Post
See full photo

Share 3 things you do well💯 if you feel like it;)

I feel like utter crap today... #Depression creeping in. My PD's and anxiety are not helping. So I thought I would make a little list of things I do well. And I am blank now...
Maybe you could share some things, you do well to give yourself a well deserved pat on the back? And maybe help me with some inspiration💁‍♀️
#MightyTogether
#Support
#MentalHealth #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #AvoidantPersonalityDisorder
#Anxiety
#Burnout
#HighlysensitivePerson
#Journal

(edited)
Most common user reactionsMost common user reactionsMost common user reactions 38 reactions 28 comments