NarcissisticAbuse

Yes, being in the narcissistic parent's crosshairs is quite painful. A relative told me that I had all the food and shelter that money could buy so I should be grateful and overlook the emotional and mental abuse. Just to silence me. And also asked why do I keep bringing up the past? Well, it's the past and present. I take abuse from noone, I said, not even family. I'm surrounded by gaslighters and flying monkeys, disguised as family. #NarcissisticAbuse #Anxiety #Depression #Anxiety #daughters

Hi, my name is lostgirlfound0_. I'm here because I’ve felt with all kind of abuse growing up from family, & My Mother worst of all. I’m here to learn, how to handle & keep moving forward.
#Narcissticmother #NarcissisticAbuse

#Anxiety #MentalHealth #ADHD #PanicAttacks #PTSDSupportAndRecovery #NarcissisticAbuse #AutismSpectrumDisorder #poet Am I not normal, with all that I have been through. I am what you fear and cleverly, I shield my thoughts and actions from the real world, afraid of being the truth. Speaking out under clouded false resources and trying to bridge back broken opportunities to survive. I am the truth that speaks back and I cannot hold my tongue, for I cannot keep these secrets of pain. It is not shame I feel, but I cannot understand how all that I have endured does not require your attention. Speaking the truth. Can you hear me now?

I would like to apologize for the length and tone of my first and most recent post in this group. I hadn't been on here in a long time and my wife had, very recently, left me. That being said,...

allow me to introduce you to my narcissistic wife. Throughout the length of our nearly 10-years of marriage together I'd noticed just how unappreciative she was when I or pretty much anybody else did anything nice for her. She had this queen-like mentality as if that is how things were supposed to be. It seems like the greater the sacrifice people made for her, the less she appreciated it. My parents bought us 3 houses during the course of our time together. Even after promising to take good care of them, she trashed them all. That is the most extreme level of generosity they were able to achieve for us and she showed little to no appreciation for it at all. Now, for whatever reason, when one of her family members would do something nice for her, like buying her a towel or something simple, she'd rave about how nice they were to have done that for her. Now, I know without any doubt that my dad was a narcissist or at least had those tendencies but, is my wife one as well or am I just seeing it wrong? I know I only gave one example of her mentality to you but I will say, she acted like she couldn't stand my family members. This includes members of my extended family as well. She described me in these ways: her 3rd child, dead weight, wimp; all the while demanding that I act perfectly for her. I have chronic illnesses that I am trying to overcome but it didn't matter to her at all. For a short period, I saw her try to help me with things I struggled with but after a certain point, she just stopped caring altogether. I'd say, for the last 3 years of our marriage, we were living separate lives under the same roof. We slept in separate rooms, even though many times I practically begged her to come back to our room, she'd quickly refuse stating she needed her sleep. The kids kept her from getting that so what is this? I mean I'm really confused. Was she gaslighting me just to mess with my head? I'm sorry guys. This is yet another long one but I'm looking for answers and I know questions can't get answered without good information. I'll stop this post at this point but if y'all need to know anything else more about her in order to be able to answer this question, please reach out to me and please #CheckInWithMe .#NarcissisticAbuse

Today was the second meeting of my depression therapy group. It runs from 10-11:30am weekly, and the facilitators were quite strict about attendance and punctuality in the first meeting. I entered the building at exactly 10am after a 30 minute walk to get there (bus drivers are on strike). The receptionist said that they had already gone back to the meeting room and that I had to sit and wait until the facilitator came to check for stragglers. I didn't like being characterized that way since I had arrived on time.

After waiting ten minutes, the facilitator came to get me (everyone else had apparently arrived earlier than 10am). I told her that I had come on time because I was worried that she would think badly of me since she had to interrupt the session to come get me. I asked if I needed to arrive early and she said no. I told her that the situation made me feel very anxious. The session itself went fine, but it took me at least thirty minutes to calm down enough to take it in.

I felt a bit manipulated in this situation by a "moving the goal posts" action - that is, I was told 10am was "on time" but then when I showed up at 10am, I was somehow "late". I know that I was triggered by this because my narcissistic ex used to do things like this to me all the time. It doesn't help that the facilitator was in a position of some authority - I had been on a waitlist for so long and I didn't want to lose the opportunity to be part of this group.

I've had a few of these situations happen lately and while I always maintain my composure in the moment (a lifetime of practice 🙃), I don't like the fallout afterward. I've been feeling it all through my body this afternoon.

I understand that this was a very minor issue, and that no one was hurt by it. But I feel like I am at a place in my journey where I just don't want to deal with these things anymore. "You're going to manipulate me? Fine. You don't get access to my life anymore." It's like an overreactive way to take back my power. I have felt so powerless for most of my life and now that I've learned how to get perspective, I'm just done with it. I don't want it in my life.

Realistically, though, these situations are going to constantly come up in my life because humans do these things. Even I do them to others. I am still figuring out how to navigate relationships in a healthy way.

#manipulation #Gaslighting #movingthegoalposts #Relationships #EmotionalAbuse #NarcissisticAbuse #Therapy #GroupTherapy #power #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety

Yesterday I had something intense happen to me. I received a phone call about the life insurance policy that my X has. The insurance agent was asking me for more information on her death, and how to get in contact with the executor of X's estate. Needless to say, I was thrown into confusion, panic and disbelief. I knew my X had health problems, but I didn't know she had passed. I gave the agent all the information that I still had for my X's estate and immediate family. Then I asked the agent if they had tried to contact my X? I knew that if the claim went through and she had not passed, it would really mess up her income. I don't know why I was still trying to be helpful to her. I guess old habits don't go away.

The agent said that they would try to contact her first.

I immediately email my X. Informing her of everything that just happened and if she could let me know if she was still alive. I have not received anything from her. The agent called me back almost an hour later apologizing for the confusion and that my X was still alive.

My X loves two sayings. One is "Life is always more good than bad." The other is "Teach with love."

Her not even sending me a blank email to let me know that there was a mistake, was neither of those things.

I went into a spiral when I got off work. Reliving all the trauma, abuse and terror that I went through. All the work I have been doing to get over everything, was just gone. It feels like I haven't moved forward at all.

The people who believe all her lies and manipulations are laughing over the mistake. Meanwhile I have become a shattered mess again.

My X almost died (a couple of different times) while I was with her. I had become her full-time care giver. I do not regret helping her through everything. I just wish she would help me do the same. I know that it will never happen. Once she started to improve she became more verbally and emotionally abusive to me. Until she decided I was no longer useful. She left me before she was released from the hospital (by about an hour). She would have left me at the hospital if she had the keys to the car. I had them, so she decided I could take her home. I had to move out very suddenly as well, because she just wanted me gone.

All of that and more came flooding back to me because of a clerical error.
She doesn't even have enough compassion to send me a blank email. I don't know how people see her as a "good person" and me as "her monster". I just want to be able to heal and move forward.