Neglect

Because my chronic illnesses onset in my teens, I have spent much of my adulthood watching animated content from the comfort of my couch. Cartoons are accessible on days when other media is too nauseating or complicated to follow, while just engaging enough to distract from pain or PTSD.

One series that surprised me with its relevance was Disney’s “The Owl House.” I came to it expecting neurodivergent whimsy in the setting of a mystical land- and it certainly hit those points. What I did not expect was the honest, respectful representations of chronic illness and trauma.

Fairly early in season one, we are introduced to Eda’s “curse”. This curse onset suddenly and mysteriously in her teens, and has impacted her life by literally changing her body. The first conversation happens in Season 1, episode 4, when Edalyn’s loved ones pressure her to overexert. This results in her body literally changing, and her mind shifting to defensive, instinctual survival as she becomes “the owl beast”. Those of us with chronic illness can quickly recognize this as a “flare up”. The episode ends with Edalyn saying this: “No one likes having a curse, but if you take the right steps it’s manageable…. And as long as no one steals my elixir, …then I’m fine!”

Alongside these nuanced conversations about disability, medical treatment, misinformation, and boundaries, is a delicately woven story about developmental trauma. As a teen, Edalyn’s “curse” is set off by her sister, Lilith, who wanted to hurt her but did not understand the lifelong impact of her actions. This reflects how latent genetic disease can be triggered by a traumatic experience. Eda’s curse accelerates as her mother aggressively seeks a cure against Edalyn’s own wishes. These attempts to cure Eda are ultimately what push her to leaving her family altogether.

After over a decade, Eda reconciles with Lilith. Lilith, having finally broken away from an abusive workplace and accepted the impact she has had on Eda, begins processing her own traumas. It is at this point that Lilith begins to share Eda’s curse- and not just in a supportive sort of way. She begins showing physical signs like fatigue and rapid aging, and “deformities” like feathers. Her low battery t-shirt is iconic. But the way her curse develops reflects how genetic disease can be triggered at different times for different family members, with stress and trauma as the most common triggers. Lilith’s arc also reflects what burnout looks like for neurodivergent people who spend too many years masking- a form of trauma that often results in chronic health issues.

Alongside the Clawthorne family arc, we observe Amity’s relationship with her own family. Amity is the prodigy daughter in a respected family, just as Eda was. In both cases we observe the mother being restrictive, controlling, and dismissive of her child’s emotions. Eda lacked a support system, so she pushed away her family and her partner, Rain, because she did not believe they could love her as she was. Amity begins this way- bullying Willow, her childhood best friend, and keeping her walls up even with her friends. Ultimately, we see that Amity is able to build a support system with the help of her siblings and new friends. However, her mother never becomes supportive of her. Her mother’s toxicity escalates to a level where even Amity’s father does not feel safe with her anymore.

These parallel stories show how restriction, emotional neglect, and control impact a developing mind. It shows what is necessary to reconcile after the damage is done, and what it looks like when reconciliation isn’t safe. It is interlaced with healthy examples of what it looks like to love and support a person going through fatigue, chronic pain, and familial estrangement.

This series can be a great tool to bridge gaps in understanding about the culture of chronic illness- and somehow manages to do so while being cute, fun, and whimsical. I highly recommend Owl House to any member of the chronic illness community- after all, “us weirdos have to stick together!”

When I was almost 6 years old my dad died from sudden heart attack. Problem was, nobody told me...too young to attend funeral and did not understand why everyone was crying. 2 brothers, 2 sisters and numerous relatives, nobody told me what was happening...there I was, waiting for dad to come home from work every day...but he didn't, and I did not understand why. that was a lot of years ago (I'm 67 years old now)...my entire life I didn't understand why I was depressed and anxious, just thought it was a personal shortcoming...this has affected every relationship in my life and I have suffered with abandonment issues, depression and anxiety, not really understand why, just blaming myself. Nobody in my life wants to hear about/understand...in so much pain don't even want to be here anymore...fighting suicidal thoughts every day for years...anybody out there with these issues from childhood?

Hi there,

I was recently diagnosed with ADHD (as a woman in my late 30's) and it's been overwhelming. I believe I have co-ocurring BPD as well, and I'm kinda freaking out about it. It's most evident in my relationship with my fiance. I have periods where I am completely in love with him and "know" he's "right for me," and then periods where I don't like him, maybe even hate him, and want to flee and be single again and am convinced he's terrible for me. It's fucking exhausting. He was recently diagnosed with Autism and we both share a pretty substantial history of childhood trauma (my mom has BPD, my dad has Autism, his dad was an abusive alcoholic and likely autistic, and his mom has BPD traits | i.e. abuse, neglect, etc). You could say we won the lottery lol. Anyhooo, I'm new to engaging in any BPD support and really don't want to keep swinging between ideation and devaluation of my partner my entire life. Again, I'm exhausted. Thanks for reading

Interesting read here 10 False Lessons Childhood Emotional Neglect Teaches You

If you suffer from CEN (Childhood Emotional Neglect), you may have internalized these 10 false lessons. If you have, you need to hear the truth! And it's shared in this article.

I have read it several times now. And have the 10 points on my phone. I really need to remember the truth!

#MightyTogether
#Support
#MentalHealth
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#AvoidantPersonalityDisorder
#Depression
#Anxiety
#Burnout
#HighlysensitivePerson

10 False Lessons Childhood Emotional Neglect Teaches You

Another night of nightmares. motional flashbacks. Panic attacks in my sleep. Just spent another hour walking the house in circles in the dark.

Sadly, the question that kept coming up while exfoliating my mind in my panic/meditation walk was 'what did I do?'.

We all have asked that question over and over again. Why did this happen to me? Tonight I found myself asking this question again. Not in anger. Not in rage. Not with my entire insides threatening to fall out. This time it's much more calm. It's knowing the answer but still having to ask the question. Nothing. I did nothing that caused me to have a lifetime of nightmares and living nightmares. I wasn't born under an unlucky star. I'm not paying for sins of another or my own in another lifetime. I came to be in a family of two mentally ill parents. Who passed their sickness onto their children. Who all passed their sickness onto me unrelenting day after day after day. I've paid for that unrelentingly my entire life.

I guess my point here is to figure, once more, that it is important to ask 'what did I do' over and over again. As many times as it takes to understand that we did nothing to deserve this. Not the horrors of the trauma, abuse and neglect and not the years and decades of what these things did to us.

I feel so bad so often about my failure to connect to others. The fear, the loathing of the fear, the looking at other people's eyes and seeing the distaste, the listening to the words and their distaste. I know at least some of its my BPD. I have always lacked social skills. It's the affect of the trauma, abuse and neglect.

The answer to that question includes that it wasn't my fault. I have 58 years trauma, abuse and neglect. 58 years of pain, suffering, nightmares, panic attacks, flashbacks, triggers, etc... that I struggled heroically against trying to make a semblance of my life. I think that I just don't deserve respect for being survivor. I deserve to be me. With all my flaws that aren't my fault. I did nothing to deserve my nightmare of a childhood. Or the life that came from it. I have struggled at my utmost capacity just trying to pretend a semblance of normalcy. It wasn't my fault. I didn't deserve it or any of this.

Once more, going through this process.

#ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#DissociativeIdentityDisorder

In this I'm not saying anything about other people's migraines. Just my own.

I have CPTSD. it has caused me a host of problems throughout my life that I am finally getting a grasp on what it did to me and what it has cost me after several years of therapy of trauma therapy. I'm finally reaching a stage where I've recovered enough memories of what happened to grasp what it really meant to have gone through that.

I've done a lot work with my inner children. Those of us with CPTSD understand that the traumas done to us in early childhood not only leave us with an event that is stuck and isolated in the moment of the trauma but it also has an imprint of ourselves at that age. To us it feels like a little child still struggling in that event. In pain. Lost. Confused.

I have so many dozens of them. I lost count.

A few of them were so badly traumatized that the world ended. One time I died. One time I ended up catatonic in existential terror so bad that when my mind came back on line I didn't know what I was. My first thought was me questioning if I was a tree. But each time I found I had survived had prompted an eternal scream. I have three inner children who scream constantly. And the last time prompted an identity that hates life, the world and universe. This is what my family did to me.

I've been doing really good in my therapy. I've made great and substantial progress. About a week ago in one of sessions with my inner children when going to bed I told them that they were free to move about as they please. I was feeling so good that I felt ready for them to 'move about the cabin' freely. The thought was to get them feeling safe. If they feel safe they can grow and heal.
Immediately I got some pushback. Some are a bit afraid of me. Some are afraid of some of my other identities. But they settled down.

What I did not expect, but I am in no way unhappy about, was that part of me that took over in my sleep a couple of nights later. I said they were free to move about and this one did. It was the one that literally hates life, the world and the universe. If you knew what my family did to me you would understand why my mind created this identity.
I woke up that morning with a terrible migraine. I would not breath. Not that I couldn't breath. I wouldn't. I had to force myself to take a breath. If I stopped consciously breathing I returned immediately to not breathing. My body would not literally breath autonomously. I had to get up and walk around the house to force myself back into breathing. The part of me that my family tortured into existence was finally out in force. I spent that day in intense physical and emotional pain. With panic welling up in my chest spontaneously. Late in the day I was finally able to find some relief with coaxing and talking to this part. But sadly it happened again that night. But thankfully not so bad. The migraine and emotional pain was less. And it didn't last as long as the first day. And it happened again on the third night. But each symptom was even less. Maybe half of what it on the first day. Though the feelings of panic in my chest lasted several days.

But good news on the fourth day. I went to bed talking to my inner children about the previous three nights. How I respect and validate their pain and how I hope we can work through this. How what brought this on is gone. How there is no need to be afraid. How I'm their foster parent and I will take care of them. When suddenly all kinds of memories I had long forgot came rushing back. Good stuff. Modes of thought. And though very special but not to undermine the rest, imagination came back. A lot of my imagination got locked away because of the abuse. Most of my life it took effort to image or play with my imagination. I had to go to a deep place in my mind to access it. And suddenly it was working so well. Well, you can understand what you can get with imagination and a tortured mind. So you understand why I had to shut it down. Like with emotions. But finally it was working again. It was wonderful to get it back. I kept thanking that part of me that finally healed enough to allow this to come back.

I'm still working with them running free and I really hope I don't have to deal with days of that much pain again but I am really glad I am letting them foam freely. I can't say I'm done dealing with the part that hates living, but I know we at least made some progress at healing.

Please keep trying. No one can gage their pain or progress against another. Mine is not worse than yours. All I know is mine is really bad. I've spent the past several years going through so many painful healing processes. Processes that are not linear or predictable or able to plan out in any way. A process that often males me feel lost until I'm face to face with the next step forced to adapt, process and heal as best as I can. It's not fair we have to face so much, suffer so much, work so hard because of something horrible done to us. But it is only us who can do it. So please keep trying.

I know this all sounds so strange but that is the affect of trauma, abuse and neglect on children especially before five. The mind is still developing. The damage can be extensive. And sadly it is lifelong. The goal is heal it as much as possible and make most of the damage just memory.

I wish everyone reading this the best of luck and perseverance. It does get better will help and effort.

#PTSD
#DissociativeIdentityDisorder
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#Anxiety
#Depression
#ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder