TraumaRecovery

Create a new post for topic
Join the Conversation on
627 people
0 stories
44 posts
Explore Our Newsletters
What's New in
All
Stories
Posts
Videos
Latest
Trending
Post

Breaking Cycles: Why I Keep Choosing to Heal

I didn't choose to heal; it chose me.

I remember the moment I cut the cord from my parents, and it was scary and liberating. Not knowing how they would initially react, I was pleasantly surprised and heartbroken at their lack of outreach and misunderstanding. It's like they were waiting for this moment to happen. The longer I went without speaking to them, I began to realize the cold, hard truth that they didn't care at all.

Free from their grip, I began to spiral down a dark hole inside my mind of forgotten memories. I've lost count of how many times I've wanted to give up on that darkness. How many times I've told myself it's too hard, too painful, too much. But somehow I'm still here. Still trying to fulfill my purpose in this life.

I come from a lineage of people who survived by numbing, by silencing, by pretending nothing happened. So I came to this world to break all cycles, the ultimate generational curse breaker. It's literally in my birth chart. I felt a strong purpose since I was seven years old. I'm a firm believer that we choose our parents and the hardships we endure. I will clarify that we didn't sign up for exactly what happened; free will is truly a scary concept. I'm here to break the cycles of abuse, neglect, trauma, addiction, honestly, all of it.

All of the abuse I've been through, the neglect, the sexual abuse, emotional and verbal abuse has affected me in various ways. I'm emotionally intelligent, but my emotions explode because I was never taught how to regulate. I'm learning now. I stopped giving my body to random men well over ten years ago. Always searching for something that wasn't there or trying to fill the void of pain and loneliness. Teaching myself to be kind, not just to myself, but to others as well. Creating strong, healthy boundaries, learning to say no. The most challenging of them all: addiction.

I didn't start smoking cigarettes until the day after my 18th birthday, being peer pressured into it. I continued to smoke cigarettes until I was 31 years old and quit cold turkey. I started drinking the summer after high school, under peer pressure, to fit in with my friends, and I found an outlet. A way to cope with things that I didn't remember. I felt lost but found. There was smoking of cannabis during this time. I preferred smoking over drinking, but this was before it was legal in my state to purchase cannabis. I drank heavily for the next 8 years, always searching for someone to connect with on a physical level, but nothing beyond that. When I said the healing journey chose me, this is what I mean; in September 2015, I was at a wedding with some friends, and I had been drinking. Later in the evening, I got a migraine. My first ever, and that was the turning point in my life.

It was a glamorous journey. I struggled to be sober. I struggled with staying home on the weekends, not being able to be at the bar with friends. Who were not friends, just people that happened to be drinking at the same watering hole. It honestly wasn't until after the New Year that I started to make real changes. I saw a doctor, I went on depression meds, and started practicing Yoga once per week. I spent the next few years physcially detoxing from all the crap I put in my body. I changed my diet, tried to sleep more, exercise, etc. I felt like I was walking up an icy mountain, not really making any progress but still trying. Mainly because I was still living with my parents at this time. Still under their abusive manipulation. I had no idea what I had just started.

I did quit drinking. My mom was an alcoholic, so that's an easy no for me. She killed herself three years ago. That's another story, for another time. I did, however, utilize the fact that at the beginning of 2020, marijuana became legal in my state. It was a godsend. Marijuana helped me cope and process over the next 5 years, and now here I am present moment, writing this out and struggling to let go of my edibles. My body is rejecting them, just like my body was rejecting alcohol. I crave the numbness, the release, but my heart says no. It's an internal battle that I keep to myself, wishing to be sober, but the bridge to get there is burning, itchy cravings that are the hardest part to get through.

I'm at the end of my numbing journey. I now know that I don't need it anymore. It's the in-between the old and the new, learning to cope with new techniques. I now choose healing not because it's easy, but because I'm tired of pain being the only legacy I carry forward. I refuse to be like either of my parents. I won't let my story end the same way. I also know deep in my soul that I am meant to help bring great change. It may feel like to end is all around, but I have hope that this is the downfall that we all need. Whether that's on your own personal journey or in the current state of our world. The old must be exposed before the new can be accepted.

Even if you're the first in your family to choose healing, even if no one claps for you, your choice matters. You matter. And you're not alone.

#MentalHealth #change #CPTSD #healingjourney #soberiety #choices #TraumaRecovery #AddictionRecovery

Most common user reactionsMost common user reactions 7 reactions 1 comment
Post

What It's Like to Live With Trauma That No One Sees

Just another day of surviving C-PSTD. Everything looks good on the outside. But on the inside, my stomach is twisted, my nervous system is barely functioning from overuse, and my soul is deeply exhausted.

The other day I was triggered by an employee at the DMV who did nothing but her job. I spiraled hard that day, I screamed and cried for hours. It wasn't just about the missing paperwork. It was the fact that I was never guided on how to do life or how to navigate adulthood. So every time I come face to face with a obstacle, and it doesn't pan out - Triggered.

First, I feel the weight hit my chest, then my stomach starts to churn. Tears are inevitable. But it's not just sadness. It's blinding hot rage and anger. I went home and collapsed into screams and sobs. At one point, I yelled at the photos of my departed mother, I find it harder to feel empathy for her with each passing day. It's hard to describe what I'm feeling on the inside or what it's like to heal from everything I experienced, so I'll try, it's word vomit, plus real vomit with a tidal wave of emotions with only one way out. Eventually, I passed out from exhaustion. My afternoon naps - those are the only times I really sleep. At night, the real demons come. In the dark. Where the other monsters reside.

Healing is a rollercoaster in my life. One minute I would be perfectly fine. The next - chaos.

I've learned this: healing is step by step. You define what that looks like.

I've noticed a pattern: first the emotions explode, then I sit. Then my mind starts sorting the facts. I need timelines,. Logic. The 5 W's: who, what, when, where, why.Eventually both sides of me - the emotional and the logical - meet. I can begin to co-exist with what happened. In the present and the past. Because once the emotional attachment releases, it's just a fact about me. And facts can't hurt me the way memories do.

I remind myself daily, I am not broken, I am merely carrying more weight than anyone should. About this post... these words... I've held them in my soul far too long.

To the reader that made it this far, I see you and I see your pain. I hope that you find what's been missing and reclaim it as your own.

#CPTSD #healingjourney #TraumaRecovery #MentalHealth #youarenotalone

Most common user reactionsMost common user reactions 11 reactions 4 comments
Post

Trauma has made me afraid of people. But I’m reaching out to resist that.

Hello, 27 year old woman here living with complex PTSD from long-term trauma, and lately healing has felt really heavy. Even though I’m in therapy, I often feel more raw and alone than ever, like the more I try to get better, the more isolated I become.

I grew up in Philly in an environment that made me feel like I always had to be on guard. I was hurt a lot when I was young, especially physically, and it left me afraid of people in general for a long time. I’m slowly working through that, but connection is still really hard for me. I’m swallowing the fact that the people I’ve known only loved me when I didn’t love myself.

I joined this forum because I want to start gently reaching out, even if it’s just a little at a time. I don’t want to feel so alone anymore. If you’ve felt any of this too, I’d really like to hear from you. I tried to fine tune this post as my general bad experiences will definitely be triggering for those with c-ptsd/processing any form of trauma. I also tried going on Reddit to no avail. But it taught me about mindfulness in posting. It’s just hard to get across to others that I nitpick myself to the bone so I’d much rather suffer in my own pain than to chance potentially upsetting someone else in the attempt to get help for myself.

I hope to post more and open up more as I integrate through this platform.

#CPTSD
#TraumaRecovery
#Agoraphobia
#MentalHealth
#Anxiety
#Depression

Most common user reactionsMost common user reactions 20 reactions 6 comments
Post

I'm new here!

Hi, my name is mimi. I am here because I believe in the quiet power of journalling and storytelling; the kind that turns wounds into wisdom and helps us feel a little less alone.I am a mother of five (two are foster children - now grown!), a late to the party psychology graduate, and a survivor of an abusive childhood and subsequent abusive relationships; who found her way back to self-worth through words.
At 50, I published Letters to the Woman I Was; a collection of letters to the younger me who stayed too long, gave too much, and forgot she was extraordinary.
I am here to connect, to contribute, and to remind anyone who needs to hear it:
“You are not broken. You were wounded. There’s a difference.”
We heal louder when we heal together, and life is beautiful x#MightyTogether #TraumaRecovery #MidlifeReinvention #LettersToTheWomanIWas

#MightyTogether

Most common user reactions 1 reaction
Post

The Scapegoat’s Lament

Lies upon lies, deception upon deception —

Secrets buried beneath secrets, a layered infection.

Crimes whispered in corners, dark shadows roam,

While the innocent are told to suffer alone.

They call it family, call it love,

But what god above could watch from above?

To silence a soul with a single demand —

"Stay quiet, stay loyal, don’t bite the hand."

But loyalty isn’t the cage they built,

It’s a noose made of gaslight, resentment, and guilt.

And silence — they say it brings peace —

But the truth screams louder, it will never cease.

They sharpen their words like blades in the night,

But it’s the scapegoat’s blood that’s bathed in their spite.

A sacrifice, bound and spun on the flame —

Laughed at, discarded, yet burdened with blame.

They drink and they feast as I burn in their view —

A ritual of torment, the role I outgrew.

But still, I’m served up on a platter of shame —

My suffering their comfort, my pain their game.

"Choose life," they sneer, "But live it our way."

Or bow to the devil, let morals decay.

But I’d rather be pierced by a thousand cruel lies —

Than live in a world where the righteous disguise.

Because freedom’s no gift from the hands of the damned —

It’s claimed by the broken who dare make a stand.

And if I must fall for the truth to survive —

Then let it be known, I lived — truly alive.

No martyr, no savior, no saint in disguise —

Just a soul who refused to be swallowed by lies.

So strike if you must — but remember this cry —

The scapegoat you slaughter will rise from the sky.

#scapegoatsurvivor #healingjourne #healingjourney #survivorpoetry #emotionalhealin g #frompaintopower #soulhealing #TraumaRecovery #poeticexpressio n#MentalHealthAwareness #strengthenwithin #healingthroughword #ReclaimYourPower #boundariesmatter #EmotionalFreedom #healingispossible #youarenotalone

Post
See full photo

This Is My Poem About Rising From The Darkness

From Low to Rise

In the depths, I felt so small,
Drowning in darkness, ready to fall.
But a spark ignited deep inside,
A whisper of hope, my heart’s guide.

With each small step, I found my way,
Rising from shadows into the day.
Though scars remain, I stand tall and free,
A journey of strength, reclaiming me.
In the depths, I felt so small,
Drowning in darkness, ready to fall.
But a spark ignited deep inside,
A whisper of hope, my heart’s guide.

With each small step, I found my way,
Rising from shadows into the day.
Though scars remain, I stand tall and free,
A journey of strength, reclaiming me.

#MentalHealthAwareness #PoetryCommunity #healingjourney #TraumaRecovery #Inspiration #resilience #emotionalhealing #Selflove #RecoveryIsPossible #youarenotalone #mentalhealthmatters

Post
See full photo

Dad Died 😢 Feeling very alone!!#TraumaRecovery #PTSD #MightyAdoptionInsights #CheckInWithMe

My Dad passed away july 10th. I was estranged from my family for the last 7 years. I still texted with Dad, we would both watch you tube and send a song to one another to listen to, too sweet!! We also played Words with friends!!
I had to leave my family because they were not helping me, I am sick and disabled. Just me my Sister and Dad.
Poor Guy Had to raise 2 Girls on his own. Mom abandoned us at 7 & 9 years old,and me & my sister did not get along, Ever!
I left my family 7 years ago because I needed help if I stayed there I do not believe i would be alive today.
My Older sister is a Narcissistic Psychopath!!! Even after having surgeries and having to cath to urinate she tells everyone that they did not want me around because im crazy. Not Sick!! It's Bad, she has hurt me so much, I don't understand why, guess that's another post.
I thought maybe after 7 years of her having my Father to herself things might be a little better. WHAT WAS I THINKING!! She is worse, if that's possible....
Anyway I called my Mother because I thought she should hear it from 1 of her Daughters, another error in judgement. I have not talked to her in years, but 15 days after my Dad Died she blocked me for not calling her for 3 days. I had talked and texted with her for about 12 days, I needed a break.
I really didn't need her blaming me for her being sick and for the last fight we had years ago...
I did not need this on top of dealing with my Narcissistic 🤪crazy ass Sister and my Dad dying.
I thought I felt alone before, now I really feel alone, he was all I had to hold onto. And I have not received much support from anyone, is it because I moved away from them, he was an alcoholic, mostly emotional abuse from him and my sis. Do people think just because I did not live in the same area as he I loved him amy less...
Sorry so long!
How do I hold on? I'm sick, I have noone and I don't know what to do this alonr😥😢😭
And now I need to find a good state to move to in another state that i know nothing about, Ill need new Dr's and what if they don't fill my scripts.
I here my Dad in my sleep. He had a real deep voice, he was a good singer, I think obout him almost every hr. I've left msgs on his phone.
I really need a hug from my Daddy just one more time...

Most common user reactionsMost common user reactions 53 reactions 19 comments
Post

Sober & Secular

Here's a beginning list of secular or non-religious resources:

secularrecovery.online

www.worldwidesecularmeetings.com/meetings

www.lifering.org

lifering.org/mindfulness-based-stress-reduction

lifering.org/recover-mindfully

aaagnostica.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/A-Collection-of-A...

kemper.us/lifering/sobrietycalculator.html

Books:

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk

Alcohol Explained by William Porter

Empowering Your Sober Self by Martin Nicolaus

The Twelve Steps for Agnostics by Andy F

Waiting by Marya Hornbacher

Humanly Possible from LifeRing Secular Recovery

Twelve Secular Steps by Bill W.

From Junkie to Judge: One Woman's Triumph Over Trauma and Addiction by

Mary Beth O'Connor

The Little Book: A Collection of Alternative 12 Steps by Roger C.

#sober #Sobriety #TraumaRecovery #MBSR #Recovery #soberfellowship #sobercommunity

AA NA Secular Recovery Online Meetings for Atheists Agnostics and Freethinkers

Bringing the Secular Recovery Community together!
Most common user reactions 2 reactions 1 comment
Post
See full photo

Secular & Sober

Dismayed that there does not appear to be a section devoted to recovery/sobriety, trauma responses, MBSR, peer support, etc. Here's a beginning list of secular or non-religious resources:

secularrecovery.online

www.worldwidesecularmeetings.com/meetings

www.lifering.org

lifering.org/mindfulness-based-stress-reduction

lifering.org/recover-mindfully

meetings.smartrecovery.org/meetings

aaagnostica.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/A-Collection-of-A...

kemper.us/lifering/sobrietycalculator.html

Books:

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk

Alcohol Explained by William Porter

Empowering Your Sober Self by Martin Nicolaus

The Twelve Steps for Agnostics by Andy F

Waiting by Marya Hornbacher

Humanly Possible from LifeRing Secular Recovery

Twelve Secular Steps by Bill W.

From Junkie to Judge: One Woman's Triumph Over Trauma and Addiction by

Mary Beth O'Connor

The Little Book: A Collection of Alternative 12 Steps by Roger C.

#sober #Sobriety #TraumaRecovery #MBSR #Recovery #soberfellowship #sobercommunity

(edited)

AA NA Secular Recovery Online Meetings for Atheists Agnostics and Freethinkers

Bringing the Secular Recovery Community together!
Most common user reactionsMost common user reactions 4 reactions