The Yellow Socks... green scrubs... and a very difficult 24 hours. After coming face to face with the darkest thoughts of my life, I was able to make a call to a local ER and drive myself in for treatment. It was scary making that call. I was beyond morose as I drove and walked into the hospital thanks to feeling like a broken human.
Then something unexpected happened... After alerting my wife to my location and my decision to start an intensive treatment program, my wife wrote me a message that simply said, “I love you and I am proud of you for getting help.”
Wow... those 12 words lifted my spirits in ways I never thought possible. This is my partner of 17 years being kind again... the mother of my child being encouraging... my best friend standing with me... I thought she had completely given up on me.
I can say with all honesty that for the first time in 4 years, I can see a bit of the potential for my life and the unlimited value of being a part of this world if I can continue to gain strength and health.
That change in my thinking was my first slice of positive progress in a very, very long time...
Granted, that progress began as I spent 13 hours in “The Unit” under lock and key and being given the opportunity to speak with a psychiatrist at length.
I cant say I am all the way there but I am at least able to better understand that we are all different in our response to our world and the emotional triggers within it. The confidence is waiting for anyone ready to accept that we are not alone in this fight.
The many words of encouragement from complete strangers has been the most surprising, amazing, and uplifting part of this saga.
Whether from the words written on this site or the woman working at the gas station today that saw my wristband from the hospital and took the time to encourage me and give me a hug.
I feel like a new day is finally beginning for my family and myself. I now see light from trust being built into my own abilities to combat this apprehension of my mind and turn these experiences into strength.
Thank you to all of you that wrote to me and for being a part of my journey. I will keep you posted on the latest news.
What’s next??
Tomorrow morning at 9:30, my wife and I are going to court to review her request for a formal separation and a restraining order due to her concern for the safety of herself and our son during my treatments.
No matter what, like the message left for me by one of you... regardless of what is asked of me tomorrow, my son and my desire to be a part of his life is more important that anything else.
Deep breathe... Now... Let’s get better. ✌🏼 #ThankYou #PayItForward
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