So I'm finishing copywriting class (in abt 2 weeks and lets not talk abt the progress of my final copywriting project hahahah ok it IS progressing)
I LOVED the class and realised one of my coursemates is taking the full diploma [Diploma in Digital Marketing], with her next module right after the copywriting module ends (we are currently a Tues evening class, next class is a Thurs evening content marketing class)
I wanted to take the diploma with a course exemption (cos ain't no retaking copywriting module, what for haha) but the sales person just told me to pay balance fees for the total diploma cost.
I've been unemployed for a while now (long story) and the savings I had from my past 3month stint from Jul-Sep went into my copywriting module HAHA 😬🙃
Anyway, I mused the thought to my mom and she said ok, but my parents are BOTH retired. they retired in Q1 2021, although I think they have some investments and dividends. But they also wanna travel while they still can, nothing halfway across the world but just around APAC I suppose (I'm SEAsia, for context. Point being not like some super around-the-world trip but just travel, see places, enjoy while they can. In my mom's words, they've friends who have the finances but not health to travel. And for me I've seen friends parents suddenly lose their battles with health scares and then yeah the opportunity to explore is just ... gone. So I get it ..)
So anyway, bearing in mind they are RETIRED and I am NOT CURRENTLY EMPLOYED, ... I just feel like by taking the money for the diploma I'm .. eating into their retirement fund.
But then again -
>> I pay for my own therapy appts
>> As a child I've never asked for money from them ever, nor did I have extra curricular stuff (paid enrichment) like piano/violin/swimming (ok this was part of school so it wasn't like those extra expensive private coaching, just mass) ...
>> I didn't even take extra tutoring for the most part (only Math for national exam years cos I'm terrible. there's a reason why I write now 😆🙃)
So now I'm trying to justify to myself that it's just this once, it's a drop in the ocean for 12 years of grade school (even after grade 12 - I took a teaching diploma with a bond, had allowance from the govt for that, parents didn't pay, I started giving them money early, deducted hostel fees from my teaching allowance)
BUT THEN I JUST FEEL LIKE AN ADULT BABY EATING INTO MY PARENTS RETIREMENT FUND.
By the way, I'm 31f. If it matters. Because shouldn't someone at 31f be able to afford such things on her own? (I mean I can, but if I do it will significantly dent my savings so you know - teach a man to fish ... but easier to fish when you feed him first and he's not hungry)
To be fair, parents offered the money for me to do braces, which I get off in 2 weeks. I took the money in acceptance of the gesture, but I've secretly paid back 40%of it into my dad's retirement thingy (was planning to finish repaying by time braces got off but life and unemployment sucks and I will not complete it in time now)
All I want is to not feel guilty for depleting my parents' retirement funds. It sucks that I even have to justify to myself how and why I deserve this money.
I also know rationally there were certain things they should have provided for when I was young as a child (braces being one of them haha) but being not-a-minor-anymore I just feel so useless and guilty.
#CheckInWithMe #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Employment #CheerMeOn #Finances