hi, I’m needing some intense help. to up my chances of a reply I’m gonna keep it short, if you need clarification ask in the comments and I’ll do so ☺️
I’ve been in a relationship with my best friend for over a year now. I love him so much but sometimes I feel like it’s a troubled love, maybe built on the wrong foundation & I feel I’m too messed up for a relationship. sometimes I feel like I don’t love him, because he has never ending patience,love & admiration for me. the man is never mad at me. which is incredibly hard to believe cuz I’m hot headed as shit & try to hold my tongue but have a hard time. I feel like we love differently & that then makes me feel like I don’t truly love him. but when I think of my life without him I don’t want to. he’s my safe space, he knows everything about me & is so comforting to me, even though I have my limits. thinking of breaking up with him breaks my heart. but I can’t tell if some things are my bpd or of others are cuz I don’t love him. I have little to no patience, but it isn’t only with him, it’s with everything in my life. I pick little fights, not meaning to just lots of small things hurt me & I’ll let myself feel that hurt, I’ll tell him what set it off (which is usually something he’s said/done because he’s the only person I’m really with & well, an inanimate object isn’t gonna set me off) then he blames himself. i feel like I don’t have the same respect for him, I know i dont. i get annoyed with small stuff & he doesnt. I know I need more self control so he doesn’t feel bad for stuff that isn’t his fault, but then I question. do I have no patience/control because of my illness or because I don’t love him? I work 8:30-6 every day & I’m tired constantly, so I blame it on my job too, which could be the reason but I could also be making it up. I don’t know what to believe. all I know is that I’m worried I don’t truly love him & it scares me because I do, he’s my rock. he comforts me. he loves me, he provides & I’m going to have a beautiful life with him. but I can’t help but feel that I don’t love him as much as he loves me & thats a problem. anyways, what are your guys’s thoughts? Idk what to believe. I hope it’s just my illness & that we love differently, but I honestly have no idea... it would be awful to look him in the face & say “I don’t love you..” after everything he does for me. & without complaint but with a heart full of love. am I just a shitty person or is my illness holding me back? I keep comparing it to my grade 11 relationship (I’m 20 now) and how being away from him physically hurt me. but now with my bf, I miss him when he’s gone but I also enjoy the personal time. I get excited to see him! but my heart doesn’t feel like it’s going to race out of my chest. which, it should, right? If anyone has any input, it would be greatly appreciated. #Borderline #borderlinepersonality #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BPD #help #Advice #relationship #Love #Relationshipadvice #Anxiety