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This is so hard to do

I'm trying to heal after years and years and years of emotional and mental abuse. My last relationship was abusive. My abuser added in verbal abuse. I got away from him 3 years ago and am in therapy. My experience with him has made it hard to open up to new friends. Just writing this has been so hard to do
#New friends #Shyness #EmotionalAbuse #optimistic

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Virtual Crush

I’m not someone that has ever been on social media.

I despise FB, for all the well publicized reasons.

But with Nextdoor, it was different. Everyone on this site is your actual neighbor. Nextdoor has a real name and physical address policy. So I dipped in a toe.

After several months on ND, I have found myself in the unexpected position of having a crush on someone that I have never met in person!

It started with mutual admiration of each other’s posts. He posted things that made me laugh, so I tapped the smiley face or the heart symbol. I posted things to try to make him laugh, and it worked. He tapped the smiley face and the heart symbol on my postings.

Finally I took a look at his profile photo. He has the nicest eyes. A bit older than me, which I usually prefer. He described himself, and he grew up in the same area I did. So after a while of doing this, I finally dropped him a private message.

I said hey, Tom (not his real name) how ya doin’, my fellow New Yawker? He responded amicably. We texted back and forth a bit, but mostly have gone back to liking each other’s posts.

I have a real crush on this guy. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve looked at his profile photo. From his postings I can see that he lives only a couple of blocks from me. He takes pictures of things in my immediate neighborhood, so I can see he’s often right near by. I keep hoping I will run into him in the neighborhood, but how the hell do you even recognize people when everyone is wearing a mask? My profile doesn’t have my picture, so he doesn’t know what I look like. But I might still be able to recognize him just because I’m so familiar with his eyes from the picture. I have to admit it’s given me a reason to put on makeup, fix my hair and stroll the neighborhood! And that’s positive.

This is very strange to me. If It wasn’t for the coronavirus, I don’t think I would even be on ND. It’s the isolation that brought me there. I’m sure the virus has made a lot of people reach out to connect this way. Where I live we have been sheltering in place for 124 days now. It’s not fun.

Am I being silly? I don’t really know much about this guy. You do sort of get a feel for someone’s personality by reading what they post publicly over time. But for all I know, Tom could have a wife at home. Or a hundred other things. I sure don’t have any interest in married men. But then again, how much do you know about anybody, until you get to know them?

It’s just that I have never even considered the possibility of having feelings for someone I have met on the Internet, but never in person. Most peculiar, Mama, as John Lennon sang.

#Love #CrushingOnSomeone #VirtualReality #Shyness #Attraction #Datingafter40 #datingwithdisabilities #OnlineDating


Help those who need it!

Anyone in high school? College? If you see someone sitting alone in high school, at least ask them something! Maybe invite them to join you. I’m personally shy, so when fellow students asked me if I wanted to sit with them I was happy. However, I didn’t really enjoy it because i knew there were more people sitting alone at lunch where I was. I never gained the courage to ask that question. If you can, at least try! #shy #sittingalone #Shyness #lonely #leftout


#52SmallThings  Storytelling

She wasn't srure how to start her story. Should she begin with her #SocialAnxiety that sometimes poses as #Shyness or her not so normal #EatingDisorder that happens when she is stressed out. How about the connection to #PTSD that was caused from the anxiety and stress of an unhealthy relationship. She shook her head in dismay as she thought about her #AttentiondeficitDisorder that gave her energy some days and exhausts her others. Each thing is connected to her kind and loving personality that everyone adores. She used to stay up at night #depressedand wondering if she was a good person or mother.Did he ever love her or was that just story. No she is a people pleaser trying to clean everyones mess up... until she is wonders did they even care or not? Than she created Sara her pen name. The one person who she felt like she could be herself. To inspire others who might have dealt with emotional wounds from bullies that were in disguse. She wrote and impressed others with her words. "I never knew you could write like this?" Many people have told her. She smiled and realized that nobody ever knew because they never asked. So she became a warrior in her own right. A blogger for those who couldn't speak. The postive light in a dark cold world. But what they never knew was she spoke to quick because of her nervousness and worry if anyone would care. Or would they judge her by her negatives instead of the positives in her life.
I am her and she is me.


Shyness is not a personality disorder #Shyness #SocialAnxiety

I wish people would not make comments about me not talking like “Don’t hog the conversation, Joe. We can’t get a word in edgewise.” I guess they’re trying to lighten the mood. But for those of us with social anxiety, it can feel a little shaming. It definitely shines a spotlight on my shyness and makes an uncomfortable moment even moreso

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