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Virtual Crush

I’m not someone that has ever been on social media.

I despise FB, for all the well publicized reasons.

But with Nextdoor, it was different. Everyone on this site is your actual neighbor. Nextdoor has a real name and physical address policy. So I dipped in a toe.

After several months on ND, I have found myself in the unexpected position of having a crush on someone that I have never met in person!

It started with mutual admiration of each other’s posts. He posted things that made me laugh, so I tapped the smiley face or the heart symbol. I posted things to try to make him laugh, and it worked. He tapped the smiley face and the heart symbol on my postings.

Finally I took a look at his profile photo. He has the nicest eyes. A bit older than me, which I usually prefer. He described himself, and he grew up in the same area I did. So after a while of doing this, I finally dropped him a private message.

I said hey, Tom (not his real name) how ya doin’, my fellow New Yawker? He responded amicably. We texted back and forth a bit, but mostly have gone back to liking each other’s posts.

I have a real crush on this guy. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve looked at his profile photo. From his postings I can see that he lives only a couple of blocks from me. He takes pictures of things in my immediate neighborhood, so I can see he’s often right near by. I keep hoping I will run into him in the neighborhood, but how the hell do you even recognize people when everyone is wearing a mask? My profile doesn’t have my picture, so he doesn’t know what I look like. But I might still be able to recognize him just because I’m so familiar with his eyes from the picture. I have to admit it’s given me a reason to put on makeup, fix my hair and stroll the neighborhood! And that’s positive.

This is very strange to me. If It wasn’t for the coronavirus, I don’t think I would even be on ND. It’s the isolation that brought me there. I’m sure the virus has made a lot of people reach out to connect this way. Where I live we have been sheltering in place for 124 days now. It’s not fun.

Am I being silly? I don’t really know much about this guy. You do sort of get a feel for someone’s personality by reading what they post publicly over time. But for all I know, Tom could have a wife at home. Or a hundred other things. I sure don’t have any interest in married men. But then again, how much do you know about anybody, until you get to know them?

It’s just that I have never even considered the possibility of having feelings for someone I have met on the Internet, but never in person. Most peculiar, Mama, as John Lennon sang.

#Love #CrushingOnSomeone #VirtualReality #Shyness #Attraction #Datingafter40 #datingwithdisabilities #OnlineDating


Online dating: a disabled guy struggle

The idea of dating with my disability never seemed like it would be a problem, so I never forced on it like many of my classmates did. To me, my educational career was number one, not a relationship! Sure, I had crushes and long to date (like any teenage boy) but it never bothers me when I was turned down because I knew my friendships were worth more than any old date. So I went on all through my middle and high school years with tons of girl-friends but never any girlfriend and truthful it never bothered me nor cared. It wasn't until I helped raised my nephew that opened my eyes to things I never thought I could ever do like holding a sleeping baby for hours on-in without my arms hurting, getting fresh formula made myself, or changing a diaper (Truthful that one I could have lived without LOL) For the first time in my life I felt like I "let all those years go by WASTED" (Thanks Carrie Underwood for your lyrics) I realized it was time to enter the dating scene, little did I know the amount of hopeless and rejection I was about to enter. I joined and was there for about a month before facing the first true rejection that knocked me for a loop. I was talking to this really pretty blonde and I thought everything was going well so I asked her out. I was ready for a letdown I mean I knew I was out of my league but like any hotshot rookie I had to push my luck but what happened was worse than anything I thought. She said, "Fenrir (my awesome name then), I like you and would like to date you if it wasn't for the weird chair, could you lose it??" I was shocked and lost for words and explained that no I couldn't and she told me "Well then I can't date you!!" shortly after another lady I contract told me to "Get off this site it was ONLY for real people" that one stung the worst and I left Match after reporting her. I want POF next as it was a free site and very quickly learned that males are not the only sex-crazed gender I had women asking me all kind of questions about my manhood and a few even offer to lay with me just because they want the experience of umm.weelll. you know a disabled guy. My pride and respect for women wouldn't let me no matter how much my body wanted me to, so I left POF. It has been a year as of March 3rd and I have been on EHarmony, Zoosk, Tinder, Bumble, and EliteSingle and each and everyone has shown me that dating as a disabled guy sucks!! You would think I have given up by know yeah if I did I'm afraid I would never get the courage to try again plus I have never given up on anything it goes against who I am as a person and my attitude toward my disability so I'm continuing my search on Zoosk and OkCupid both of which seem to have opened minded and accepting women on them. I'm open to any and all suggestion about other non-hook-up minded sites that anyone could offer. Maybe it just my disabled, dumb male pride or both saying this but I will succeed on my quest of love!



I have been a bit shy about dating since being diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. See, I was married to my ex-wife for only five months when we found out about the EDS; when I texted her “happy anniversary, I love you” her reply was “I don’t want a disabled wife; I want a divorce.” I kicked her out the next day (and yes, I was strong enough for that, just not the fact she completely ignored the “in sickness and in health” part of our vows). Anyway, we have now been divorced for two years, and I decided to dip my toe into the dating pool. I’m completely upfront with the women I talk to that my days can vary dramatically and a brief/crude overview of EDS and the syndrome friends that have tagged along. One woman, one amazing woman, that I have fallen for long ago finally said she felt the same way!! I’ve been over the moon excited....but she is in another state for six months (no big deal) or less and I worry when she gets back, she will remember how often I couldn’t do things, and play dates having to be rescheduled (we have seven kids between us! Lol!). I guess I’m just scared of a repeat of my ex-wife. I already care deeply for her, and it’s that stupid fear of being a burden to someone.... #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #Loveislove #POTS #Burden #scared #Pleasebenice #DatingWithAChronicIllness #Dating #datingwithdisabilities


Chronic illness and dating.

I don’t go out as much, and my friendship circle has gotten smaller. I’m happy with this, but its made it harder to meet people.
So I was firstly wondering how others have got themselves back out there?

Me and my last boyfriend broke up because he felt eating healthy and exercise was all I needed to “cure” me.Although he was stubborn, I didn’t manage to include him and make him understand as much as I should have done when we were together. But I also worry about sharing too much to fast.

I’m ready to get myself back out there, but when I think about it I always end up feeling anxious. #DatingWithAChronicIllness #datingwithdisabilities #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #Anxiety #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #ChronicFatigueSyndrome