freefalling apart, again. #dissociativeidentitydisorder #ChronicDepression #skinpicking
oy oy oy. I'm isolated, lonely, and one of my other people has been triggered to hell and back. Sorry to rant but I have one friend who moved away last year. I'm living in an apartment complex that doesn't feel safe, the faintenance guys and such just come in whether or not you're there, with no call in advance. I'm on lists for government subsidized places but no dice yet. I think if it wasn't for my inside people I'd be even worse than I am. Lately there's been a lot of confusion for me about what makes me my own individual aside from them, for example a lot of us love stones. I love stones too, collecting them. I used to be easily able to define myself, I love Russian as my favorite language. Over the summer we had several months of stress and someone new came out. He got me into music in turkish and I feel I can't be a person who likes that because I have loved russian for so long and I still do, but I'm confused. Part of me thinks I should be static, that things about me as a person should stay the same. I feel like I'm recreating myself over and over with each version having some things in common will its predecessor but some things are different. Also, have noticed that my skin picking is getting worse. I think it is less about anxiety these days than it is about a way to hurt us without seeming to. A lot of mh providers I have talked to say it's always about anxiety and it wasn't until years after I first found out about it that I was reading a blog by another person who lived with abusive parents and she said picking was about anxiety but more about SH for her. Oh, and did I mention therapy session are always too short to talk about all this? Sometimes I send my therapist my journal entries like this one but never know if she finds the time to read them or not. Sorry this is all over the place because my worry wheel is on overload.