Suicidal Thoughts

Hi there, I’m a 20 year old University student reaching out as I have struggled with Depression, Anxiety and intense Suicidal thoughts for a number of years now.

I’ve been living with ongoing feelings of loneliness, low self-worth, and a deep sense of disconnection from people around me. University life in particular has only made that worse. I often feel like I don’t fit in with my peers, like my values and the way I experience the world are completely different. I find it hard to relate to the culture of partying, drinking, casual relationships and surface-level connection, and actively reject this way of living. I want more depth, sincerity and stability in my life, but I feel like I’m in the minority for that.

It’s easy to say ‘well I suppose you’ve not found your people yet’ but it seems finding those who live life by the values I uphold so tightly is becoming even rarer, and it isn’t exactly the ‘trend’. Of course I am aware that the reasons why people live a more ‘promiscuous’ lifestyle can be for all manner of reasons that aren’t their fault, but it really strikes deep when I look for safety and can’t seem to find it when I have struggles trusting people as it is.

I hear stories of infidelity, revenge, pain both inside and outside of love, and the more I hear of it; the more sensitive and reluctant I become to take on the world. It’s left me to feel like I don’t belong here and that I simply feel too much of my own and others pain to really live a sustainable life. I’m terrified of the pain a girl could do to me, and I simply don’t feel strong enough to cope.

Lately, things have gotten harder. I’ve found myself unable to do everyday things without being triggered by intense insecurities—sometimes I can’t even walk down the street without being overwhelmed by how I feel about myself. I often spiral into self-critical thoughts about my appearance or how I come across, or even just how I believe I don’t belong anywhere and feel less than - and it’s making life feel unmanageable. I’ve missed lectures, withdrawn from people I care about, and lost a sense of direction.

I also carry a lot of emotional pain around relationships. I care deeply about others, but I’ve been made to feel like that care isn’t wanted or enough. Past experiences have left me feeling dismissed and overlooked, and I’ve internalised a lot of that. I’m stuck in a loop of overthinking, overgiving, and still feeling like I’m not enough.

I’m aware I’ve said a lot but if *anyone* feels similarly please feel free to open up I’d love to talk about these things.

I'm so tired of the clichés and platitudes of how it will get better, how there is hope, how reaching out is a viable solution to progress. I have been doing all of this for years, clinging to vague, abstract hope abojt how it will get better, asking for and searching endlessly for the appropriate, effective help. It is not there. When the most specialized treatment for #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder is not covered by (my) insurance when finding competent help is so hard because clinicians choose not to work with Borderline patients, it reinforces all of my deeply rooted pains, flaws, and patterns. The professionals aren't willing to try unless they are paid out of pocket, and I can't afford that, nor can I take the risk it will be effective for me or that I have the fortitude to stick with it.
So sure, there IS help and hope, but its not attainable, not reasonable, and I long ago lost the ability to cling onto empty false hope.

So if you’re familiar with this article you understand what I live with. Now, after having a disagreement with my girlfriend I feel even more suicidal, not so much in the gray area. I want it all to be over. #SuicidalThoughts #Depression #Anxiety #Grief

My doctor says I need to lose it. It would mean the absolute world to me if I lost all this unwanted weight and kept it off permanently. Please don’t comment saying it’s okay to be overweight or stupid stuff like that because nobody wants to be fat unless if you are stupid. I just hope I lose all this weight and keep it off permanently

#CheckInWithMe #CheerMeOn #MightyTogether #Psychosis #Depression #MentalHealth #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Trauma #PanicAttacks #PanicDisorder #PanicAttack #PTSD #Bipolar2 #BipolarDepression #BipolarDisorder #SuicidalThoughts #Suicide #Schizophrenia #SchizoaffectiveDisorder #Selfharm #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #SocialAnxiety #Obesity #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #PostTraumaticStressDisorder #SchizophreniaSpectrumPsychoticDisorders

Hi, my name is FriendlyAlligator12. I'm here because I have suicidal thoughts

#MightyTogether #Anxiety

Hi, my name is Sowdraxe. I'm here because
I have depression and anxiety I have to constantly fight with suicidal thoughts every single day, I am 30 years old I had been working from I was 13 and I don’t have degree and I am deaf I am tired and done I don’t want to survive or anything I just want relief and some solution because am at my wits end#MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression