Suicidal Thoughts

After coming down from my first ever major manic episode, I received disheartening news from my employer that I was let go. At that time, I have spiraled deep myself into depression that it seems impossible to get out of. I feel extremely suicidal ever since then. I didn’t have the mental clarity at that time, but a job loss shouldn’t cost me mental health or my life. it is just silly from hindsight. After months of bed rotting , social isolating , being in mental pain and struggling with suicidal thoughts . I realized that my mental health problem has become far worse than I initially realized: my cognitive functions have severely deteriorated to the point where I can’t seem to hold any conversation with anyone. I don’t know how to connect with anyone anymore. What’s worse is that I have problems recalling words and forming coherent sentences. I don’t even know how to speak to waiters when I tried to order food and inquire about the dishes. I have lost essential and basic skills as a human. This realization has pushed me to an edge , now my suicidal thoughts are stronger than ever. How can I even survive in this society as someone with such little to none communication skills ? How can I make friends when I have nothing in my brain. My brain is just so empty that it is so sad. I am one step away from taking my own life. I truly need help on how to restore my cognitive functions . This seems like forever. I feel scared because I don’t want to put my parents through extreme emotional pain, but the pain I am feeling has outweighed any other concerns I have. I am sorry that I am selfish. But before I kms, I do wanna try getting better. Does anyone have any guidances on how I can regain my cognitive functions and my language, communication skills? Also I feel extremely extremely lonely it is horrifying. #Bipolar #Suicide #Depression

Hi, I'm here because I have been struggling with the guilt of feeling depressed and having suicidal thoughts as a mother. I feel I am selfish for having these thoughts but I can't shake the feeling. I struggle with the things that run through my mind. And a Google search landed me here. I struggle to seek help out of fear. Like it's taboo for a mother to be depressed and want to fade away despite her endless love for her children. And the irony of it all is that I feel this way because I lost both my parents (cancer) in early adulthood. So why do I struggle with these thoughts? When I feel so alone in this world without them. How could I even think of leaving them to feel this way? It's a pain and hurt I do not wish on anyone. I am at the point where I know I need help and this seemed like a good start in my journey to heal.

#MightyTogether #Depression

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How the fuck do I go back and forth between “I really don’t want to die” and genuinely fearing death even though I’m 23 years old to wondering if I should’ve just been dead already?? Is positivity and negativity within me just a constant battle? Likely very much so. 😒

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #Autistic #AutismSpectrum #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Trauma #OSTD #OtherSpecifiedTraumaDisorder #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #SuicideAttemptSurvivors

Hi, my name is halle I'm here because i am dealing with my best friend who has a hard time with depression, severe depression, i had dignosed with it before but im better now i think, i can feel her, i can feel her suicidal thoughts but i cant do anything for her, i am limited chained , she never stops thinking about death, she tride therapy and she took her pills, but nothing helped, if you have a family member, a partner or a friend who recoverd from this please help my by telling ur story, thank u for reading to this point.

#MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression #PTSD #ADHD

Hi, my name is Jenn. I'm here because I live with a rare genetic condition called pseudohypoparathyroidism type 1A which has physical, mental and emotional challenges. I live with depression and anxiety am very lonely and have suicidal thoughts. I might also have traits of ASD and ADHD. I am looking for support.

#MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression #ADHD #Grief

Last post for context: What do I do…?? | TW mentions of stress dreams and one swear

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I’ve moved out of where I used to live with my mom and one of my older sisters (has 3 kids now) 2 years ago. I think because it’s summer break for my 2 older nephews, I’m now getting a lot more stress dreams related to my mom and my older sister (my mom was the persecutor of emotional abuse, and I never liked my sister since she’s similar and agrees with her often).

I dropped out of high school after sophomore year many years ago because of being constantly overstimulated and high levels of stress and meltdowns I’ve had over there (especially when constantly trying to get the best grades in a very unnecessarily strict school, horrible place for autistic individuals like me!!). After that, I’ve noticed that more stressful dreams came up after that and it was almost everyday that I’ve gotten them at that point. Now, for that theme, it isn’t too much, usually 1to 3 times a week.

Now, I’m getting these stress dreams related to my mom and older sister constantly ever since late June. Before then, it was a mix of dreams of school and mom and sister for 1 to 3 times a week. Even when I’ve had great days, nothing has changed, not even yesterday. If I’m right, these dreams may last until late August when my 2 older nephews go back to school again. I really fucking hope not, I can only carry so much. I really don’t want them to fucking last for that long, I hate getting them and I don’t want to fucking deal with them anymore. I’m sick of it. How the fuck as I supposed to look forward to sleep now?!

I worry that if this continues for longer, I’m going to start feeling suicidal again. I can already feel that happening as I’m already fucking sick of these dreams every fucking day (there had been like 2 or 3 days where I didn’t had them, not consecutively, either). Why do I even have to fucking deal with this? Why did my early life had to be like this?!

#OSTD #OtherSpecifiedTraumaDisorder #Trauma #StressDreams #MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #AutismSpectrum #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Vent #triggerwarning #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #Autistic

I hate my sisters and my mother

they went to far

im tired of this

#DepressiveDisorders #Depression #Anxiety #MentalHealth #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #EatingDisorders #SuicidalThoughts #SuicidalIdeation