I'm a Christian who fights daily pain. I have suicidal ideation at times and I use medical marijuana for pain relief of both mental and physical pain. I tried pharmaceuticals for 20 + years, for my chronic migraines before turning mmj.
I stopped going to church because of spiritual abuse. I know I could go to a different church, but I feel so much anxiety just thinking about it that I've chosen to listen my body and do what makes it feel safe and well. I watch sermons on you tube and feel like I get more spiritual fed than when I try to be in a room full of people.
But God says to gather together and I feel conflicted about this.
I'm sick so does that give me a pass......
I think I could handle a womens bible study in person. But even that is very hard for me physically. I have chemical sensitivities and I'm hearing impaired. If someone is wearing to much cologne and sit near me, I'll get a migraine. The lights are also a migraine trigger. I rarely leave my house and do most of my shopping online.
I'm allergic to most pharmaceuticals I've tried. I get all the bad side effects and I'm not exaggerating.
I never wanted to be a pothead, but it's been keeping my achalasia in remission. Achalasia is a rare esophagus disease.
I've definitely think that the stigma of mmj is a part of my anxiety and I'm probably my own worse critic. But I really don't know what else to do.
I feel like I'm letting everyone down, even God.