I lost my fiancee & my daughter's father 4 years ago to a drug overdose and I can't let go! I'm scared of everything when I use to be fearless and I don't know what to do. Every day it is getting worse because I suffer from complicated PTSD and I'm bipolar, any suggestions? My world is falling apart so is my health 😢
I don’t even know how to explain what I’m feeling. Frustrated, upset, lonely abandoned...I had this really good friend that since moving to a different shif has stopped talking to me all together, including responding to email. It feels like they took a hug part of me with them since I don’t have a lot of friends. Should I try emailing them one last time? #GettingHelp #aloneinthedark #Anxiety #Sadness #lost
don't know what I'm doing with my life anymore :(
Can anyone please follow me? i feel like I’m talking to myself here too and I’m going crazy just to get the feeling that anyone might be listening to me. Ps: i hate i feel this way and i feel embarrassed and it’s totally okay to not do it too i just don’t to feel alone here too cause this application is the only thing that gave me hope. #aloneinthedark #Anxiety #suffering #AnxietySymptoms
I don't want to be 'ME' anymore.
I feel like a caged bird in my own mind & heart.
Ever since I was very young, my parents made decisions for me. I was diagnosed at 10yrs old with ADD & learning disabilities; (Central Auditory Processing Disorder & Discalula), so the need to compensate for my already evident daily challenges, my parents "took care of things" for me". To "help me" not make mistakes & provide a buffer in disappointments. This kind of "support" continued on into my teens & adulthood. When the need to start making my own decisions came into play, it all left me feeling very overwhelmed, confused and often asking others for approval & validation on making my own rational & wise decisions. The way my parents showed their "support & love" just set me up for a lifetime of failure & disappointments in myself. It ate at my self-esteem & abilities to be & feel responsible for myself. The yearning of being respected & valued for knowing how to make the "right" decisions for MY life has always hung over my head, yet out of reach. Even now, at 40 years old, I've been suddenly placed in a position to purchase a new, but used vehicle. I asked for some advice from my parents on what things I ought to do to prepare myself. Now, the advice that is often given, whether asked of them or not, is like a silent agreement to take & tollow their advice. If I refuse to agree with them, their body language speaks volumes even though, they say "....but, you're right, it's your decision after all". It comes across as a passively-aggressive approach to getting me to do what THEY THINK is "only best for" me. So, no matter how hard I try to establish boundaries, how often I have tried to tell them that they need to let me make my own decisions even if it means me having to deal with the "consequences", most often than not, my feelings & decisions are discredited, not respected & ultimately sends me into the dark corners of my mind; I retract into that little girl in my childhood that was apparently unable to be responsible for herself.
My energy levels are depleted. My mind, body, feelings don't "really" matter. Unfortunately, it's not just my parents that evoke these feelings within. My younger brother & sister, both discredit my feelings & decisions on things. I have felt lke an outsider in my own family. This has been the revolving door throughout my life & I want off of this not-so-Merry go-round. I should have never been born.
#outsider #aloneinthedark #timetopurge #Depression #lifeless #sadmigraines #selfloathing #unworthy #Decisions #iwantout
It’s been a month since the last time I posted and fuck! The only thing that changed is I cry less at night now. Feelings are still the same, miserable still, and emptiness. I keep trying to remember the last time I was genuinely happy, the last time I didn’t feel this way. Was it a long time ago? I’m sure not but feels like it. I keep thinking of the reason why I feel this way all the time. Was it me? What did I do? I’m pretty sure it was me. I wish that I prevented it. I wish i’ve known. I wanna live and be happy but it’s just so damn hard when you feel the opposite all the fucking time. I try so fucking hard and it’s so fucking exhausting. Waking up and putting a smile on your face so people wouldn’t ask questions if you’re okay. “I’m fucking not okay” But it’s easier to put a smile and say “I’m great. Thanks for asking” coz you’re scared that “Shit. If I tell them that i’m not okay I might have a mental breakdown here at the public and wait. No they don’t really care about how I feel. They’re just being nice” How I fucking wish that i’m just genuinely happy right now and not be overwhelm with so much doubts, thoughts and sadness. Wow. #CheckInWithMe #Depression #aloneinthedark #Anxiety
I don’t see the point of being alive anymore. I mean no one is keeping me here anyway. My family doesn’t seem to notice that i haven’t been myself lately and that i’m shutting them out. My friends doesn’t seem to care that i haven’t been in contact with them for a while. Nobody checks in on me. I don’t have anyone to talk to about how I feel and what i’m going through, it’s not like someone asks anyway. No one cares about me. It’s always been like that in my life. They will only come to me when everyone turns their back on them. I’m always the last person anyone thinks about when they have no one to turn to. I’ve always been the last option, sometimes i’m not even an option at all. When they feel better or someone better comes along they turn around and forget about me because there’s always someone better than me. A better friend, a better company, a better person. I never matter to anyone. Never have, never will. #CheckInWithMe #Depression #Anxiety #Suicide #aloneinthedark
Thinking that I just want out of this black blank sad mess I don’t care why I just feel like destroying my exsistence is the only way , it’s so hard to live inside my body with my rageing mind .
Does anyone feel this way
#feelinguselesss #aloneinthedark
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