selfloathing

I'm here because I feel like my mental health is deteriorating. I'm scared that my thoughts of suicide will either overwhelm me, or I'll drive away the people I love.
I woke also like to find out more about migraine, since my wife suffers from them.
#Depression #SuicideIdeation #selfloathing #Migraine

Have you thought about the violence you commit against yourself?
Are you aware of the full extent of it?
What violence?
I do not mean (just the) physical.
I do not mean (just the) way you punish your body.
I mean (also) the violent thoughts.
The violent feelings.
I mean the nights you ache, wishing you were different, better, somebody else.
I mean the days you spend Infront of the mirror, harbouring such loathing you can barely bear to look at yourself.
That too, is violence.
I mean the visceral way you cringe when you hear yourself on video.
The wryness in your voice when you speak about your younger self - filled with such shame, embarrassment, contempt.
You are not who you used to be.
But who you were, made you who you are.

And violence one step removed is still violence.

Violent is the way you Deny yourself love,
The way you predict the worse case scenario in the name of self-preservation.
The hope-zapping internal dialogue.
What did you think?
That things would be different this time?
Do you know yourself?

How often are you violent against yourself?
Does it horrify it?
Can you stop?
Do you want to?
And if you did, do you know how to?
#selfloathing #Depression

You hate yourself so loudly.
You hate yourself at the top of your lungs.
You're loathing for yourself permeates your speech.
"Sorry, I'm just rambling."
"Don't worry about it."
"Just ignore me."
"Sorry, if I'm annoying you."
"Sorry, I don't make sense."
"Sorry about that."
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
You act as if you got to beat everyone else to the punch.
As if the punching bag is you.
If you hate yourself first, if you hate yourself the loudest, then nobody will hurt you.
You clapped your hands over your ears and shut your eyes and balled yourself up so that you'd never have to experience people loathing for you.
And it meant that you never heard their love.
You drowned it out.
You screamed your hatred over it.
And you never got to hear it. #selfloathing #Depression

So my mental health has taken a dip over the last few weeks I had a rough night where I has multiple panic attacks during the night and always after my panic attacks my mood sinks a lot! I wanted to share how I’m feeling but not brave enough to talk to friends or share on Facebook but feel safe doing it here. And I know the haters will say that we are looking for attention or glamourising mental health but we are not! There is nothing glamorous about how I’m feeling...I feel like my brain is foggy, I’m not eating properly cause I don’t feel like getting up to make anything, I only shower when I’m forced to by my wife and I’m spending my days off literally in bed al day not moving! I don’t know how to clear my ‘foggy brain’ so wondered if you lovely people had any tips! Also I feel so guilty for feeling like this, I feel like a burden, waste of space, like I’ve failed at being a wife. So no I’m not looking for attention and no its not glamorous! #foggybrain #Depression #Burden #selfloathing

Struggling with not blaming myself for others not liking me. Struggling with accepting me for me. #self -hatred #selfloathing #Nohope

Does anyone else ever have the domino effect when something bad happens? Like when something bad happens it triggers other things from the past but it’s completely unrelated?... idk if that make sense. But this happens to me a lot and then both things run through my head non stop and it just dominos. Also does anyone else with BPD feel like they always have to please people or are always worried about making people mad? And always over thinking to void doing so? Just curious if that’s a common BPD thing or if it’s just me. #justwhenithinkimdoingbetter #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#feelingworthless #selfloathing #alwaysthinking #Everydaystruggle #wantingtobeenough #fightingoffthedownwardspiral #alwayslosing #sad

Inspired by: love

Powered by: connection

It starts with the connection to self- to you and all your brilliant, seemingly mismatched pieces.

To soul. To spirit. To universe. To God. 

To something eternally grounding but profoundly unseeable as the eyes looking out. 

It is in the reflection of your faith, of children, of strangers, of brilliant bodies of water. 

The healing of love isn’t the attachment or reliance on it from another. It is the harnessing of love for self. It is the reflection of the love that we all already are that we keep seeking for someone to give us. 

The love we demand without offering it to our source. The same love we give away without keeping any for ourselves.

We are depleted of it because we have given it all out or perhaps never had it in the first place. 

I want you to know that it’s okay to want to be loved; It is your birthright. 

To want to be adored. It’s okay that that feels needy or wrong or like you should put it away or make it smaller or replace it with things or ignore it entirely. 

I want to show you the love you deserve. I want you to see how perfect and deserving you are and how easy it is to love you . I want you to release all the story around those rejected parts of you that exists somewhere between being too much and not enough. 

I want to do this by sharing my heart with you. All its scars, it’s golden lessons, and all its perfect messiness that makes me human enough to be qualified to be as tenderly vulnerable as I can to you in hopes you may offer yourself the same reflection. The same grace. The same forgiveness, compassion, and pure, unconditional love that is the essence of who you are. Thank you for being here. I can't wait to share with you.

Adoringly,

Halley Elizabeth 

We say to reach out. We tell people to reach out when they're feeling ______. When that person is in a state of feeling such self-loathing that their self worth inhibits them from doing the one thing we say to do, how can we get that person help? When they're 100% convinced they are a burden, no one is interested, no one wants to be bothered by them... how does that person gain support with their mental health? Any tips? Thoughts? #reachout #Selfworth #selfloathing