aromantic

For a while now I‘m wondering if I am ace. There are a couple of things that would add up. I‘ve never had a relationship and I‘ve never had sex. I don’t really like being touched or hugged. It rarely feels good. It could also be my chronic depression or the trauma relating to some things I experienced in my teens.

Most of the time I don‘t feel like missing out. Except sometimes when I‘m overthinking what being normal feels like and why I can‘t be like other people my age. By the way, I‘m 31 and still living with my parents. I don‘t think I‘ll ever move out because I can‘t afford living on my own and also I‘m good with my parents. I‘m having my own floor and things, so it‘s more like sharing the same house but not necessarily the same space. They don‘t even want me to pay rent. They‘re really cool and I‘m glad having them.

I‘m also not really worried being ace. It‘s just that it doesn‘t feel completely right since I sometimes feel sexual attraction and fantasize about being in a romantic relationship but almost never with people I really know. Also thinking about having sex with others feels pretty weird, still I‘m wondering if I‘d like it. So I‘m just curious. It‘s the same with romantic relationships.

I know there‘s also demisexual and demiromantic. Sometimes I even wonder why and if I even need any label. Maybe it would help, maybe not. Maybe it’s just my chronic depression stealing my vibe. I don‘t know. Can anyone relate? How do you know, like, that‘s it, this is you?

#asexual #aromantic #Ace #Depression

This is kind of another part of my intro. I’m out to everyone, and thought I’d be open on here, too. I’m aro ace and agender. I don’t experience romantic and sexual attraction. My platonic (or queerplatonic, really) attraction is the strongest that I do feel. I would love to be in a qpr (queerplatonic relationship) in the future. A life partner to experience things together would be great. Gender doesn’t matter with this for me. Being agender means I don’t have a gender. I’m not a man or woman. There’s nothing there for me. I don’t even know what feeling feminine or masculine really is. I see them as styles. Almost like pretty and fun masks, but they’re not me. It’d be great if people refer to me neutrally. For instance, human, person, friend, guest, etc. My pronouns are she/her since it’s easier for others and I’m used to it, and they/them which is more accurate but still doesn’t feel ‘right’. Nothing truly feels right yet. I do have gender dysphoria, and a lot of gendered things get to me. My body feels like a patchwork doll sometimes. The positive part of that is a lot of the treatment for my cancer will help with my dysphoria. I plan to get a hysterectomy soon. Might be in the next month. I also want top surgery, and the way I need it will also help with taking care of the cancer. I do eventually want to get back to gender therapy. That way I can explore more of the social part of it, and feel more me. This pride month is quite different in many ways. I just hope it’s a good positive one for everyone. #PrideMonth #LGBTQIA #LGBTQ #aromantic #aro #Asexuality #Ace #qpr #Relationships #queer #agender #genderless #trans #Transgender #nonbinary #genderqueer #Health #Cancer