Arthritis

Been here for years, but lost you when I changed emails. So glad to be back because I’m crumbling like never before. Lifetime dealing with mental illness, BPD, PTSD, anxiety, chronic depression, agoraphobia, panic disorder, dissociative amnesia, and the list keeps accumulating. LOL. But now, my health issues with chronic pain have caught up to me in my suddenly becoming old! Don’t know where it came from. I went from 35 years old to 65 years old in 10 minutes!, Wow… my spine is crumbling from arthritis. Just had spinal fusion and now have spinal stenosis added to everything else in my spine. Have chronic pain syndrome. Trying a new type of THERAPY at Cleveland Clinic to manage my pain through my brain. My brain is not cooperating so well. I’m on an 18 month. Waiting list to get ketamine. Which would be awesome because my Medical Marijuana is absolutely astronomical and cost. Beyond disability, it’s costing my sister of fortune!!! Don’t know how they can take away your pain medicines without insurance covering the only alternative they give you. Such a sin. Anyway, to top it all off, MY Psychologist of 30 years (Retired) seven years ago. Haven’t found anyone since her. And five years ago, my sister Jean, my best friend in the whole world, passed away after I took care of her 24 seven for two years. My heart died the day she did and it will never return. I feel so isolated and lost and alone and lonely and I miss her more than life itself. All I can think is, she promised to take me with her and she didn’t!!! I don’t know how to exist without her. All this depression and grief is only making my bodily physical pain worse and worse. I’m spinning in a cycle but I cannot get out of. God I could use your friendship. Just listening to your stories will make me feel not so alone. Thank you for including me.