autismspectrumcondition

Today is a crappy day. It started when I woke up and read the news. There, I read about the next Corona actions. Now, they are about to reduce our range of motion to 9 miles. Although I know that I'm not a big fan of traveling long distances because of my travel sickness, I got furious because of this negative news. I'm also afraid of more ordinances and more severe ordinances by the politicians, like curfews for example.
Just because of this negative news, I got sensory overloaded and I had a slight meltdown and a panic attack. Later, we cleaned the kitchen, and the strong smell of the cleanser caused a headache and a shutdown. My neighbors in the apartments next to mine and in the apartment above mine are always arguing loudly with their wives. Now, I am extremely drained and exhausted, and besides this, I have a headache, an upset stomach, I feel sorry for having a meltdown, a panic attack, and a shutdown in that same afternoon. I also feel sorry for getting rude and aggressive because of my anxiety attack and my meltdown. The only thing I want for now is just skipping the rest of this crappy day as it is sensory hell and unsurvivable for me. I even don't want to watch wrestling tonight, although I'm always looking forward to watch it. I don't know to cope with this crappy day. #Anxiety #AutismMeltdown #Autism #autismspectrumcondition #AutismShutdown #Drained #ExhaustedAlways #exhaustion #chronic Gastritis #Chronicexhaustion #IrritableBowelSyndromeIBS #SensoryOverloads #SensoryDisorder #SensoryIssues #Depression #PTSD #AutisticAdults #AutisticExhaustion #deadinisde #aggressive #depressed #aggression #Anxietyanddepression #AnxietyAttack #AngerManagement #Feelingsorryformyself #feelingunabletofunction #feelingdeainside #EmotionalBlackouts #mentalblackouts

I was professionally validated as autistic at age 31. I spent most of my life camouflaging myself among my peers and wearing a neurotypical mask. I never felt entirely comfortable in myself, and always felt like I was "going through the motions". Discovering that Asperger Syndrome could be the explanation behind everything, I started to be kinder to myself and #takethemaskoff , but others didn't seem to understand, so I'd end up masking more... which led to more cognitive exhaustion, which led to the Autistic Burnout. Being tired all the time when you never used to be, being averse to participating in activities you once enjoyed, being much more sensory sensitive and less tolerant of overload... Some mistake it for depression or anxiety, but it can't be "fixed" with medication or counselling. It's a slow road to recovery, but by recognising your limits and not punishing yourself when you need to prioritise self-care, it will help you bit by bit.

#actuallyautistic #autismspectrumcondition #ThisIsMyStory

(I'm only using #Autism to link this entry, but we are not "disordered", we are #neurodiverse .)