betterdaysahead

Today was rough for me because of a flare. The reason for the flare is why I am thankful. We celebrated a beautiful wedding for a lovely couple. Family members were there we only get to see once a year. We were able to enjoy our grandson who is only one. While I sit here feeling rough unable to sleep I am thankful for the opportunities we had yesterday. It was certainly worth it. #Family #MixedConnectiveTissueDiseaseMCTD #thankful

So after a year filled with horrible pain, a disectomy and a laminectomy, I still ended up rounded my year out in pain. I'm not complaining, just confused and hurt. I thought I had a chance to make the pain decrease. Instead, I might have made it worse. I've been in recovery, physical therapy and back to work. They said moving around amd walking would help me. It's making things worse. I'm so confused because it could be worse but standing straight hurts, walking a short period of time hurts, sitting hurts. I hurt lying on my back and on my side. I can't use one side of my body. Sterioids don't help. Gabapentin isn't helping. Muscle relaxers don't help. Heating pad, heat cream, and arthritis creams don't help. I can't live and work like this. I see others and I miss walking right. I was in pain but at least I could walk. Now I can barely do that. I took my health for granted and now I might never get it back. I'm grateful to be alive but now I'm wondering about my choices. Is this pain going to subside? Did I make things worse for myself. I'll just keep praying until I figure it out. #chronic pain #disectomy #laminectomy #Recovery #Endlesspain #Gabapentin #stay strong #relief #Worried #scared #DegenerativeDiscDisease #pleasehelp #betterdaysahead

so ive posted recently about a few problems ive been having with my bf. and someone suggested i check out a self harm app called ' calm harm' and holy crap it has helped so much. my bf and i are on our way to fixing our relationship and ive been able to get thru my urges to self harm. thanks everyone for the support. #betterdaysahead

I withdrew from college and since I did that I can never go back! It was totally the right move. I was flailing and spiraling fast. Now I have to make money and be an adult. I have a job lined up. But I finally get to focus mostly on me and my mental health first instead of school first!! I’m still a little freaked out though. Anyone else withdraw? Any advice? Anyone wanna start a club? Lol

So I’ve been seeing a lot of BPD tagged posts talking about an fp and decided to finally google it.... and damn things are making a lot of sense. What the Mighty article said was that an fp is more than a best friend, they are an emotional dependency, someone who can “make or break” your day.

I’ve been in an argument with a friend and I’m taking it a lot worse than with other people and I’m swinging hard into devaluation and I realized it’s because I consider them my fp. Honestly tho it sucks, because as I like always say people are unreliable and I didn’t even realize that I gave this person this power. I want, more than anything, to take it back. To be in control of my own emotions and not have some small thing they do set me off. At least I know now.
#Bpdmindgames #Bpdisexhausting #betterdaysahead

Just remember...we can’t do it all, all of the time. It is ok to take time for you. And there certainly are better days ahead!
#CheckInWithMe #betterdaysahead