I attempted some banking last week which I’ve been procrastinating about.
I’m realizing I was not procrastinating to just avoid.
I’m just not knowledgeable, confident or comfortable about finances. This lack of confidence is because I easily get confused and overwhelmed with the financial industry’s system and jargon. (The cynic in me even somewhat believes that this is completely intentional to keep the majority of the population confused and uneducated to be more easily manipulated.)
So I have a small inheritance which I did not have the knowledge of my options. I asked family for suggestions. First mistake as not one of them helped. So months went by with me not taking any action at all.
Luckily I connected with a friend who by happenstance was in the process of gaining her financial advising certification. In passing I took the risk to share my lack comfort & knowledge & feeling paralyzed to even face my finances head on.
I have to mention the main and only reason I even took this risk was because this friend I reconnected with is a fellow HSP. On a completely intuitive level did we realize we had this in common. We related to many of the innate traits that come with being an HSP. She clarified what went wrong.
I would have had a complete meltdown with the experience I had at the bank this Saturday. My fear of those I think of as authority figures who can easily intimidate me to the point I can lose all sense of autonomy that I know my own mind. The situation which spanned from 9:30am - 2pm had me so overwhelmed. Most was over the phone and approx 1.5hrs in person at the bank.
As the miscommunications got so twisted and convoluted it slowly dawned on me that I was being treated with suspicion that I was doing something wrong. By the time I was dealing with the bank in person it was clearly becoming clear that I was being profiled and being discriminated against. They were systematically stalling and getting more and more cagey as to why my account was “under restrictions” I still do not know the whys other then someone at some point flagged my account.
Growing up in an emotionally dysfunctional family of origin where till this day I’m systematically made the scapegoat and gaslighted against on a regular basis. Today it now so obvious as to why the multiple triggers from Saturday’s experiences pretty much paralleled much of my family’s regular dynamic.
My opinion & concerns were being dismissed and based on whatever suspicions the bank associates were working with seemed I was tried and convicted of doing something wrong. I was again made the scapegoat who they had decided was somehow trying to do something illegal.
I was tried and convicted all because in my ignorance of opening a new account at a new bank, where I wanted to keep my small inheritance separate until I gained enough knowledge to decide what I wanted to do with it. This is one example of being percecuted based on ignorance. My innner child was scared & intimidated.