Body Dysmorphic Disorder

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Body Dysmorphic Disorder
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What’s your relationship with your skin?

Did you know that your skin is your largest organ?

There are an estimated 3,000 identified health conditions that primarily affect the skin, and countless other conditions that involve dermatological manifestations.

Because the outer layer of our skin is just that — on the outside — skin conditions or skin that falls outside the “norm” can feel like it’s under more public scrutiny than some other physical and mental conditions. We’re also bombarded with advertisements for makeup and skin care that are supposed to fix all of our “flaws,” but really just drain our pockets.

I’ve had a complicated relationship with my skin since around age 10. Acne (yep, I had it as a preteen and it’s gotten even worse in adulthood), easy bruising and skin fragility, the odd case of hives here and there, constant irritation, and repeated skin infections have caused me to be quite self-conscious about the appearance of my skin. I’m working toward having a more neutral relationship with my skin, rather than viewing it as a source of constant shame.

How do you feel about your skin?

#Psoriasis #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #Eczema #Acne #RareDisease #ChronicIllness #CheckInWithMe #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #BodyDysmorphicDisorder #MastCellActivationDisorder

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Morbidly Obese C-Type

Two weeks ago, I weighed 203.5 pounds. Today, I weigh 191. Semaglutide shots are working for me, and I should be happy about that. However, I still look in the mirror and see a fat face. I don’t see progress. In my mind, I’m still the 125 pound 26-year-old that I used to be. It kills me to see the flabby cheeks and two chins that I’m currently rocking. My stomach protrudes. My thighs rub together. My arms wobble. I exercise and I eat right and I’m still fat. I’m still morbidly obese c-type. I’m angry and I dislike myself and my body.

I’m also over this body dysmorphia garbage. I’m not healthy. I’m not happy. This isn’t dysmorphia, it’s an unhealthy body that needs to be fixed.

My obesity also causes other aspects of my life to go wonky… work? Harder. Friendships? Harder. Being an aunt? Harder. Being a good sister? Harder. Being a good dog mom? Harder.

Per usual, not looking for advice. Just a safe space to vent and feel heard.

Thanks 💗

Please enjoy the picture of my delicious, homemade salted caramel macarons. Reason 973 for my obesity—I love baking.

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I’m too disgusted to look at myself anymore #BodyDysmorphia #BulimiaNervosa #EatingDisorders

I have tried so hard to overcome this on my own but it is only getting worse.

I hate my body. Not just the look but the feel. Not only am I constantly in pain but I am just ugly. I am gaining so much weight. I don’t recognize myself.

Why can’t I lose this weight? Why am I stuck like this? I don’t want to see my body. I especially don’t want my boyfriend to see my body. He doesn’t think I’ve changed physically but I see it.

I see how big I am. I see how disgusting I look. I am thinking of enabling my eating disorder so I can stop hating myself. I just want to stop hating my body.

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I’m too disgusted to look at myself anymore #BodyDysmorphia #BulimiaNervosa #EatingDisorders

I have tried so hard to overcome this on my own but it is only getting worse.

I hate my body. Not just the look but the feel. Not only am I constantly in pain but I am just ugly. I am gaining so much weight. I don’t recognize myself.

Why can’t I lose this weight? Why am I stuck like this? I don’t want to see my body. I especially don’t want my boyfriend to see my body. He doesn’t think I’ve changed physically but I see it.

I see how big I am. I see how disgusting I look. I am thinking of enabling my eating disorder so I can stop hating myself. I just want to stop hating my body.

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Wedding Day Bliss (and Heartache)

Part 1 of 2 In the summer of 2022, my husband and I finally had our wedding celebration after postponing it 3 times due to Covid. In early 2020, we had a priest come to my family home to marry us as my visa was to expire later that year and with the uncertainty of the pandemic we didn’t want to take any chances with an expired visa. The small ceremony in my mom’s living room was beautiful, really. My two dogs served as maid of honour and best man and Zak Bagans from Ghost Adventures served as the cantor (we forgot to turn off the television as the priest blessed our marriage). I wore a short white dress and my soon to be husband wore his nice navy suit and there we got married in my living room followed with a cake cutting in the kitchen next door. The experience was nearly perfect and would’ve been if my husband’s family would’ve been able to travel to the US, but Trump’s travel ban stopped that from happening. As well as this, my sister who I am extremely close to was trapped in Chicago and was only able to attend, Nike track suit on, over Zoom. We were therefore excited for the wedding celebration where families and friends could finally meet and we could finally party and let loose after years of being stuck indoors.

The wedding celebration was an absolute success. Family and friends came over to Scotland from near and far and all had an absolute blast, primarily due to the whiskey tasting that subsequently got all the guests plastered. We made so many happy memories I will cherish forever and have beautiful photos to last a lifetime. And yet, there was a sense of emptiness in me all day. Every dance and every speech and every toast reminded me of him. There was no dad walking the bride down the aisle or father daughter dance. Not because he’s dead. No, because he abandoned us.

My father abandoned me and my sister and brother years ago and as much as I try to erase that part of my past it haunts me. I did nothing wrong and yet I’m the one left to feel guilty and ashamed because my dad isn’t in my life. It’s a lingering feeling and one that I do not wish on my worst enemy (except, possibly, my father). How a father could leave his children and start a whole new family is beyond comprehension to anyone I meet and yet this happens all across the world, every single day. And it feels he’s getting away with the damage he caused, leaving my sister, brother, and me with mental health issues ranging from depression to body dysmorphia to OCD. We feel less than and unloved on the best of days and are currently in therapy receiving treatment for the damage he caused.

This is in no way a letter pitying my situation, but rather a reflection of how abandonment will follow you throughout your life and will rear its ugly head on the best occasions of your life. I can only imagine how I will feel on the day my first child is born. And yet it is okay to feel sadness on those perfect days. I still had an amazing time at my wedding celebration because I accepted and embraced these sad feelings. I allowed myself to feel the whole day and experience a range of emotions that left me exhausted by the end of the day yes, but I was my authentic self the whole day. And this was an achievement for me. I didn’t allow these sad feelings to take over the whole day but rather I welcomed them and let go as happy moments and laughter and dancing and singing filled the air around me.

We as a society should embrace this attitude, especially when it comes to weddings. Many couples feel the day has to be perfect and nothing can go wrong or the whole day is ruined. You feel you have to live up to a certain standard and be your best happy holly jolly self the whole day. This leaves the couple feeling like they have to prove themselves. To who? For what? I cried during my whole speech and brought up my father, not knowing how the guests would react. And I am so glad for it. I had so many guests come up to me and tell me my speech brought them to tears and it was so powerful and emotional and honest. Yeah my makeup was messed up after but god am I glad I didn’t think or care about that. And the celebration in my eyes was an absolute dream.

I hope women and men reading this who may have been emotionally, physically, and/or spiritually abused know that they may experience flashbacks or fear or sadness or despair on their wedding day, and that’s okay. Accept these feelings and embrace them wholeheartedly and allow yourself to feel every emotion possible in that moment because that will create the most authentic and genuine day possible for yourselves. And know that you deserve this day of celebration despite everything you have been through. The wedding celebration felt overwhelming at times and invigorating at times and depressing at times and exciting at times and empty at times and that’s what made the day so

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What is Body Dysmorphic Disorder?

Body dysmorphic disorder is a mental health condition in which you can't stop thinking about one or more perceived defects or flaws in your appearance — a flaw that appears minor or can't be seen by others. But you may feel so embarrassed, ashamed and anxious that you may avoid many social situations.

When you have body dysmorphic disorder, you intensely focus on your appearance and body image, repeatedly checking the mirror, grooming or seeking reassurance, sometimes for many hours each day. Your perceived flaw and the repetitive behaviors cause you significant distress and impact your ability to function in your daily life.

You may seek out numerous cosmetic procedures to try to "fix" your perceived flaw. Afterward, you may feel temporary satisfaction or a reduction in your distress, but often the anxiety returns and you may resume searching for other ways to fix your perceived flaw.

Treatment of body dysmorphic disorder may include cognitive behavioral therapy and medication. #ADHD #Autism #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Addiction #Mania #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #PTSD #EatingDisorder #BipolarDisorder #Schizophrenia

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