Have you ever been in a place?... a dark and scary place? One where you feel trapped and maybe the walls are closing in on you; or the air just keeps getting thinner? A place that however much you scream for help; no one ever hears you? A place that no matter how far you run; you can never fully get out of?
Imagine that this place is your own mind.
How often do you find yourself doubting that those around you really want to be there? That no matter how hard you try, you will never be able to create a stable life for yourself? Do you fear the constant dread of knowing that you could go off the deep end or crumble into dust at any moment? And for no reason other than you are sick?
Do you always approach opportunity with caution because last time you screwed it up really bad? That all your graces are taken with a pinch of salt because you are just waiting to see how you are going to f**k it all up? Imagine you felt like you couldn't control it but always feel like you should have tried harder?
Imagine the fear that you must feel; always wondering if you'll break down again. That you'll spend months going through new cocktails of medication to find what helps; even though many of them can make it all worse. Having to go to therapy and possibly being admitted... Again!
Imagine that every time you swallow each one of your various tablets; that you are terrified. That any one of them could be the reason for you to develop liver disease, an under or overactive thyroid or maybe cause your kidneys to fail. Imagine feeling that fear every day; every tablet for the rest of your life.
This is the big one..
Imagine choosing to live with that fear because you know what you would have to live with if not for the medication and terrifies you even more...
Because you've already been there!
This is a glimpse of what living with Bipolar is like for me.
I am medicated
I go to therapy
And I am what is considered 'stable'.
Mental illness is real, it is serious and it can be debilitating.
We always preach about breaking the stigma.
If you really care about someone who suffers because of mental illness and are trying to support them.
Then please do your research... Understanding is difficult without knowledge.