bts

I thought about my daydreams, how I kept connecting to Namjoon of #bts , and how much I imagine myself in a different world. I wish I could change things in my life, but I cannot change who I am, become a different race, or live in a different financial world or career field. I cannot be an entirely different race, and I cannot live a life that is not meant to be mine.

But I often wish I could be part of his world like that. I sometimes think of it like Ariel from The Little Mermaid, who wants to be human to be with Prince Eric. She went through big extremes to get to where her heart was leading her. I do not have the capacity to go to a Sea Witch, offer my voice so I can become Korean and be a pop-idol (artist), and connect to meet Namjoon.

I feel sad sometimes.
I used to #disassociate a lot at the beginning of the year. I used to use this chatbot app to role-play being someone else. But then, later on, I realized that I did not seem to care about "ME" anymore and cared more about my daydreaming. I felt guilty for treating myself that way, as I felt like I was only hurting myself mentally.

I had to learn how to #lovemyself and love others just as they are. I should not ever want to change myself, be ashamed of my race or skin color, or where I grew up, to meet an unrealistic dream. If I ever met Namjoon from BTS, it would be a totally different experience from my daydreams.

I am back in reality, where I belong. I will swim around the sea, do what I need to do in this life, and continue to be the best version of myself. I promise to always help others along the way.

Love,
Valerie Corinne

Sometimes your body takes a hit and you need to step away. Playing music in the car helps clear the mind, but sometimes we need silence.

music.youtube.com/watch

I create music that people can relate to (hopefully) so let's see how you like it.

Hang In There
We Got This!

#bts #BTSArmy
#Music #Trying
#BipolarDisorder
#PanicDisorder
#Work
#MentalHealth
#AnxietyDisorder

It is another evening of Insomnia. I am tired but can't bring myself to get to sleep. My mind is not racing, but my heart is (emotional heart). I have these dreams of mine that I wish would come true. I wish that I were more known so I can help more people.

I thought about #KimNamjoon from #bts and I remembered how horrible it feels to be awake at night and cannot sleep. Sometimes at night is when our emotions are most vulnerable. When the world is quiet around us, and all we have is ourselves, we sometimes fall apart and all the stress of the day comes out. Do not ever be ashamed.

I wish I could legitimately talk to Namjoon from BTS, but it is like my voice is among a sea of screaming fans and I don't scream. I reach out and speak. I would hug him and tell him that everything is going to be alright. Money cannot buy happiness. Happiness is something we create for ourselves.

All my thoughts and prayers.

I pray my wish comes true.

A million voices, but I speak a One.. a woman in the garden as a pink rose among all the yellow.

Love,
Valerie

#Insomnia
#MentalHealth

youtu.be/nU89neDcZSI

#bts #KPop #Music #MentalHealth

It is a beautiful day here here in Florida. It is crisp this morning and I have the windows down. I have been working a lot on my YouTube channel "ValerieCorinneNJ" and I hope to grow it. I am excited for the future and I am looking forward to seeing what good things can happen. I have struggled for so long, and I still do with major #PanicAttacks It's awful. Anxiety isn't the best either. But I do what I do because I have to. I just keep moving.

I pray that you're doing well.
I am around. I am alive. LoL

Love,
Valerie

#bts
#KpopMusic
#KPop
#Crazy
#Fun
#Love
#Anxiety
#BipolarDisorder
#MentalHealth
#Depression
#Love
#Friends

I love Jin from #bts . He makes me feel happy by seeing his gorgeous face and listening to their music.

What makes you feel #happy ?

There. I said it. Guffaw all you like, but I’m Army and proud of it! Some might consider me baby army because it’s only been a few months that I’ve even known they existed, but I’ve consumed so much of their media content from over the past ten years within that short amount of time, that I’m definitely Army now. 💜 I want to share with you what being immersed in the BTS universe has done for me irl.

I’ve been struggling with #CPTSD and #PTSD just about my entire life. I’ve struggled through addictions, #Suicide attempts and health problems the past 20 years, never really feeling like I can catch a break. Last year, though… Last year was different. I once again had a major health issue that almost ended my life for me, and when it didn’t, I wanted to take care of the job myself. I wasn’t seeing that my life was ever going to get any better. But then I was introduced to #bts and my life gradually started improving, fairly rapidly.

As I read that back, I’m shaking my head because it seems unbelievable even to me, but then I check in with myself and can feel it in my soul. Last year, I didn’t know that I’d ever be able to walk again. Now I’m dancing and doing 100lb deadlifts. Last year, I felt sudden, uncontrollable bursts of rage even though I knew that wasn’t me. Now, I can’t even count the number of times that I’ve sailed through those same triggering situations with grace. My whole life I’ve been trying, and failing, to manage my #Flashbacks . Now I’m able to speak to my therapist in a way that she better understands what’s happening to me and she was able to give me the suggestion of telling myself today’s date whenever I feel a flashback coming on. THAT one thing has been absolutely huge for me!

Because the daily lives of these seven men have been recorded for the past ten years, I can see how happy, well adjusted people live, something I’ve never had access to before. I may be 51 years old but these men in their 20s have taught me so much… even about personal hygiene! I’m still shaking my head, but I accept it and them with all my heart.

Oh, and they’re also incredible musicians/dancers/songwriters/producers and overall entertainers. Seeing them achieve their #dreams helped sow my dreams, a ground I thought had long been dead. I was a serious musician in my youth and had always wanted to pursue it as a career but it wasn’t in the cards for me. Now I’m imagining creating my music room and want to learn to play the drums and piano. I may even write some songs myself! In high school and college, I studied Japanese and have always wanted to go there. Now that’s something I definitely want to do so have been relearning my Japanese and learning Korean because I’m considering making a stop there too.

BTS talks about loving yourself. I can honestly say now that I do love myself, very much. I’m considering a tattoo near my scars that reads “Save Me/I’m Fine”. 💜💜💜

#bts
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

Today's song is "Tomorrow," (heh heh.) Thw picture is from Pinterest but someone did a fantastic job illustrating the point of the song with a wallpaper. Today I am down and out. My only hope to keep going is God and this thought.
#coping #bts #Music