TW: Child Molestation, Grooming, Victim Blaming, attempted solicitation of child pornography
I used to think I was alone but after a quick Google I learned multiple kids were molested with this same “game.” So I feel more comfortable talking about it.
You know that scene I’m the old film Liar Liar where the father tickles his son with “the claw?” My uncle used that same method and threw in a creepy piano hand walk to molest me. It starts off innocent enough but the hand goes down and does other things.
After being adopted my adoptive father was a fan of the film liar liar. And he liked to do the claw thing in the innocent movie accurate way. And my reaction was well psycho. It was so extreme my terror terrified everyone. I ran to my room. Slammed the door. And sat against it on the other side screaming and crying bloody murder.
Through out my life I think because of that experience I was convinced my dad had molested me. At age 12 I had a dream where I had phantom sensations. I woke up and accused him of rape as I had a panic attack. My mom couldn’t go to work that day because of my panic attack. My dad was a drunk so he didn’t go to work and I was afraid to be alone with him. Eventually my mom reassured me my dad didn’t rape me was just a dream. Though it took a while to convince me as my whole life I had been convinced subconsciously that my dad was sexually into me. He may not have been a sexual predator but he was still a very bad and abusive man. Don’t misunderstand.
When I was in my 20s (still am lol) I was on Instagram and was looking at Miley Cyrus’ page for old times sake. She had posted the art she stole. You know the food porn. And the next thing I knew I could remember my uncle molesting me at age 2 1/2, the claw “game,” the fear, the sound of my own heart beat, the piano keys playing creepily, the knowledge that I should run for help but was afraid because my uncle was a grown up and kids are supposed to obey grown ups so if I left I’d be in trouble.
My uncle was around a lot my first 15 months of life. We shared a home. So knowing him he molested me through that time period and again when my adoptive family would take me to visit my birth family. There’s photos of him and I together a lot and lord knows my birth mom didn’t want to do anything that didn’t involve partying and drugs.
Typing this out was really damn hard. Triggering. But there it is. The earliest memory I have. And one of the worst if not THE worst that I have. It makes me feel horrible. I’ve confirmed it with my adoptive mom my describing my uncles room and my grandparents entire home layout. I got it right in every aspect. Currently my uncle lives in Peru. Why did he run off to South America? Nobody will tell us.
P.s. my uncle tried to groom me at age 12 via social media and email. I didn’t know how normal families acted. His compliments were flirty. But I thought maybe he was just being supportive. He then asked me to send him naked pictures of myself. I was scared and uncomfortable. So I close my computer and tried to sleep-it was hard. In the morning he had posted all over my Facebook for everyone to see that I was a whore and trailer trash. I cried and called my birth mom. But you see she told me never to talk to my uncle. When I asked her why she had said, “because I’m your mom and I said so!” But he’s my uncle right? Why shouldn’t I talk to family? So when I called and told her what happened there was no sympathy. She said it was my own fault because for disobeying her and I brought this on myself so how dare I come to her for help… and she probably lied to my sister about what really happened to make me look bad. As always.
#CPTSD #PTSD #Trauma #Abuse #SexualAbuse #ChildSexualAbuse #grooming #ChildAbuse #adopted