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Community Voices

How do I calm down? #DV #Bipolar #BPD #PTSD #Incest survivor #Depression #panic attacks #Anxiety

So I am at DV shelter and for the last two days another client in the house has seemingly singled me out to abuse?! I think she's on speed or something too? So she is screaming and yelling at me calling me names etc and the staff at shelter felt that I should go in my room? I am capable 100% of not talking to or being around that person! She just will not leave me alone? After having another attack from her maybe an hour passed by and she started talking to me like we were old friends asking me what time I had to work today? I at first didn't respond after 4 more times I just said I don't wanna talk to you and then she starts right back in on me!? Telling me she wants me kicked out and that I don't follow the rules just not making any sense?!? So my question is how the heck do I not think about it and go about my day?! I left the shelter very early so I could avoid that person entirely but I feel unsafe unprotected and I feel like I am allowing this person to run me off?! Its just that in the past due to my anti social bpd ways I can be violent after all the abuse I have been handed I guess I have used that to get my way?! Just the way my abusers always have? So I don't trust that I will be able to control myself I am so angry I haven't slept or showed or kept my appts today I'm sitting in my car in front of a friend's house bawling!!! How an this be happening and how do I make it stop!!! Do I just run or get a ppo?? The thing is I am moving out in less than a week and have great things a new apt job to look forward to but I am jot handling this drama well at all!! I'm trying not to beat myself up but I am mad that she is getting to me! I feel like I am being mistreated all over again!! I cry more when I am mad than ever! I dislike crying very much! What really bothers me is missing everything work! physical therapy! I just can't do it!! Staff at shelter told me to just let it go dont let it bother you so much?! Which made me more mad!!! If I fuck this up before the shelter helps me move out I will lose all of the household items and furniture the shelter is providing me and all of my transition help from them as well?! That cannot happen!!! Well fuck!! Not sure what I am gonna do now but I do know that I am taking my meds now! Help and please don't say just let it go!?!? Please?

7 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Up and Battling the Trauma Again

Can’t sleep. It’s Father’s Day which means reliving some past traumas revolving around my dad. Husband is so helpful and understanding but now he’s asleep too and I’m feeling very much alone. Afraid to sleep and dream of things that hurt that I can’t control. Nighttime always brings it on like this and today so much more than others.

If anyone is up and would like to connect I could use the friendship right now. There’s got to be someone else out there who is having a hard day today…. Just super triggering for me. I will be surprised if I get any sleep tonight.

#RapeSurvivors #Insomnia #PTSD #Incest

9 people are talking about this
Community Voices

What is emotional or covert incest?

<p>What is emotional or covert incest?</p>
2 people are talking about this
Community Voices
Community Voices
Community Voices

New Mighty Contributor

<p>New Mighty Contributor</p>
3 people are talking about this
Mia Jones

Texas Abortion Law: I Would Have Been Forced to Have My Father's Baby

I had bought my high school graduation dress earlier in the year. We were required to wear white. It was beautiful. I looked forward to wearing it. Right before graduation, I tried on my dress for a fitting and suddenly it was way too tight. This did not make any sense to me. None of my habits had changed. I could not figure out how I had gained so much weight so rapidly. My mom was angry and blamed me. See, it turns out it was not my fault. I was actually pregnant with my father’s baby. He had raped me. I was a victim of incest. I was 17. I had just graduated from high school with honors, and I was headed off to a prestigious private university. I had almost made it out of my parents’ house of horrors and now this. I could not have a baby. I could not have my father’s baby. What if I had been forced to give birth right then? What kind of life would that child and I have had? What would being forced to have that baby done to all my hopes and dreams? What about college? What about a meaningful career? What about my choices? What about the mental anguish having my father’s child would have on me and my child? In my opinion, incest is one of the greatest betrayals anyone can ever experience. I was abused by both of my parents from a very young age. I was subjected to many horrific things. My innocence was taken from me and there is no getting that back. I never told on my parents. I did not feel anyone would believe me. Why would they? My parents were perfect, and everyone respected them. They were the PTA president, coached my softball team, taught Sunday school and served as the church elder. They both had reputable professions and my father was highly educated. Who was going to believe a kid who made up stories (as my mother said)? The details on how I found out I was pregnant, and how the decision was made to have the abortion, are still fuzzy. I have mainly blocked them out. I do recall how angry my mom was at me — she said I was “whoring around.” Because of my dissociative identity disorder (DID), some of my alters hold on to the memories and only periodically share bits and pieces with me. Usually at the most inopportune times. Like now. Right now, you cannot consume social media or mainstream media without hearing about the new repressive Texas Abortion Law. Usually, I try to avoid news and media about abortions since it is very triggering. For some reason, I felt compelled to read one of the articles and was appalled by what I read. The calls for no abortions after six weeks, bounties on the heads of those who help with someone acquiring an abortion, and there are no exemptions for incest and rape. I have mainly remained silent about my abortion. I am a public speaker and writer. I tell my life story very openly and have for many years. I have for many reasons kept the secret of the abortion to myself and very few friends. But today, I feel compelled to share my story. If we all just told our stories, all this just might end. I became pregnant against my will. I was a child and had no choice. My dad violated me and stole something that I can never get back. Politicians want to make this a political issue. The gain to them is still not clear to me when almost 25% of women have had abortions and most Americans feel abortion should be legal, but yet they persist. These are men, of course, who feel that women are property and need to be kept in their place, and damn any civil liberties or the life of the mother. They scream “murder” and the rights of the unborn. What about the rights of the woman to have agency over her own body? What about me, a child who would have been forever altered by having this child? Anti-abortion advocates push adoption as the viable option. I am here to tell you as a woman who has had an abortion and has lost a child to adoption, that adoption is not the “rainbows and unicorns” option. There is a lot of trauma in adoption and lives are forever altered and not for the best. These same politicians who preach the sanctity of life fail to provide affordable housing, childcare, parental leave, living wages or adequate accessible healthcare. The women and girls who will pay the price for this draconian law are the poor and abused. The men are slapping themselves on the back, all the while stomping all over my rights and yours. To my fellow sisters who have had to experience abortion loss, you are not alone. No matter the reason you made to terminate your pregnancy either by choice, circumstance or force, I am here for you. Many women are here for you. This news cycle will fade into the next catastrophe until it rears up again. So, pace yourself. Write about your feelings. Confide in a friend, call a hotline (just so you can tell your story to someone). There is no shame in your story, even if your abortion does not have some trauma or misfortune around it. Never let anyone tell you there is shame in your story. Our sisters in Texas are going to need to feel that we have their back and will do everything in our power (even if that is only lifting them in our thoughts) to intervene on their behalf until they have fair and equal access to abortion. We will also advocate for policies that make it possible for women to afford and raise their children on their own, if they so choose. This is all one hot mess. I hope there are consequences for those who have participated in this. Right now, women are paying the consequences and we are all feeling it. If you have had an abortion, know I am thinking of you no matter your reason. It was the right choice at the time, and you are not a bad person for making that choice. Please take care of your mental health at this time as you are reminded of that difficult period in your life. Seek out support and unplug. Tell your story or keep it to yourself; it is your choice. You are Mighty Strong! Maya

Community Voices

Trauma Narrative

TW: Sexual abuse, assault and suicide attempts.

Hi. I’m kinda new to this group but I’m hoping it will help me process what I’ve been through. I am a survivor of incest. I was abused throughout my childhood into my adulthood. I can’t really come to terms with it. It makes me feel tainted, disgusted. I struggle with what’s “normal” versus what’s not. I have rape fantasies where it’s happening to me or someone else. It makes me feel horrible. I attempted suicide twice because I couldn’t take it anymore. I’m hoping that by sharing bits and pieces of my story that I can slowly come to terms with it. Thanks for listening.

#PTSD #ChildAbuse #SexualAssualtSurvivors #BipolarDisorder #Incest

31 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Why is it that we don't talk about incest? #incestsurvivor #speakout #Incest

Why are we allowed to talk about the babysitter but not our own mother? Why are we allowed to talk about men's abuse but not abuse by women?
Why do we try and avoid the unavoidable?

11 people are talking about this
Community Voices

I crashed...again. I was doing so well but like always the trauma comes up and I'm down for the count. It's hard for me to find anyone to relate to. I talk to my friends who are wonderful people, but they can't fully understand. They get uncomfortable when I talk about being molested or raped. Understandable but it still on some level it invalidates me.
My mother is down. I told her about my grandma orally raping me and my grandfather molesting me. She wasn't surprised and to me that's a huge sign that she was never protecting me. I was constantly surrounded by people who were abusing me and then she acts like I'm the invalid who just can't help being this way. It's just a form of gaslighting that drives me bonkers.
Can anyone relate to this?

3 people are talking about this