I am a college student and about a month ago I was told I need a series of surgeries. While I knew this was going to be in my future I never truly processed it. My last surgeries in 2016 did not turn out as planned. The doctor said I wouldn't need more than a fine-tuning surgery. But with nothing was improved with those surgeries in some ways I was worse off. I also feel like those surgeries in 2016 changed me as a person as well. I used to be so much happier and positive, and now it seems like so much effort.
There is no set date yet and I do not know the extent of the surgeries. But I am a freshman in college and I know that this will make me take at least a year off.
I have realized that this is why I do not make a lot of close friends. I haven't had people stick by my side through the surgeries. I have had 5 and all my friends continue on with their lives and forget about me. I am hoping that this time will be different. I have a boyfriend who said that he will be there for me throughout the whole thing. That gives me some hope. But since the last surgery, I try not to get my hopes up about the outcome because last time all that I was was disappointed, and I never want to feel that way again. I am still not mentally over what happened in 2016 and I don't know if I ever will be. Surgery scares me, but continuing school this way scares me more.
I am no longer enjoying school. I have missed so many classes because of the pain that I feel like I might not do well in some of my classes. I have had to start using a wheelchair someday because of the pain. But that was a struggle in itself. My campus as I found out, is not very accessible there are some buildings or elevators that I cannot get into. The entire campus is composed of many small and large hills and while I have arm strength I still was struggling. So I got an electric wheelchair which has helped; however, I am tired of being questioned about why I am not using it sometimes. All I want to do is be able to use it without being questioned or looked at because I have been afraid to use it for a few weeks because I get so stressed and have so much anxiety about being questioned. I have tried talking to people about why I don't use it somedays but do others and no one gets it.
I just needed to rant because it's been hard recently and I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like there is no reason to plan for my next semester because I probably won't be there but my parents are requiring me to.