complicated

Like most with mental health, this time of year is hard for me. I'm not saying I miss the abusive people in my life but it's still hard. So does anyone have any positive suggestions for coping with feelings of depression during the holiday season? Kinda need some support right now.

#Trauma #Family #Holidays #Hope #BipolarDepression #complicated #CheckInWithMe #help #positivedistraction #AbuseSurvivors #PTSD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Selflove

Maya, I am 64 years old. I lost my children due to my own unhealed trauma. I haven't understood my feelings and behavior around giving up custody and later my feelings of loss when I attempted to regain custody from their father and was denied. I numbed out, abandoned myself and them. Thank you for sharing and being willing to be vulnerable. Your honesty helped me. Thank you

In a few hours, I’ll have my back to back appointments with my personal doctor and my psychologist. For the most part, I have been feeling better than I felt the last time I had my visits. My family life has not changed, the man of the house still doesn’t say much to me at all. I was asked to at least extend myself in kindness, but to be honest, that doesn’t do much. I have someone else whom I used to talk to a lot and now we hardly speak. We say hi to each other, but that’s about it. I alsways see him staring at me blankly from a distance. Sometimes, he’ll boldly stare if I walk in his direction. I think it’s safe to say that we’re kind of dancing around something that should be said, I don’t know exactly what that thing is, but I think there is something there. My resolve at this point is to let him have his space and keep my expectations low. That and keeping low expectations for everything else. I don’t expect anything to come back to me, mostly because I’m almost used to things leaving me without saying goodbye. Part of my wonders if I was an important part in someone’s life, the other part of me quickly concludes that I’m on just a blip in the screen for most people. I guess at the end of the day, I’m just over thinking my whole existence. And I think more than anything, I just want someone to grab hold of me and tell me that they appreciate me and that they are glad that I’m still here and that I am needed. It sounds far fetched (at least, to me), but it’s the honest truth. My inner child is wounded and she wants someone to love and take care of her, that’s it. #MentalHealth #Depression #innerchild #complicated

Has anyone had ECT? I've had depression on and off for 16 years and PTSD for 13 years. I've tried EMDR for trauma which was brilliant and I've had TMS which I'm not entirely sure worked. I've been seeing a psychiatrist since 2013 and I've seen multiple psychologists over the years. I'm due to see a new one in 2 weeks. I've been in my latest depressive episode for 2 years now and I've had enough. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I'm thinking of ECT but that scares me. What has been your experience? #Depression #PTSD #complicated grief

I don't know why I'm here anymore. I'm so sad, lonely and depressed. Friends says I'm so strong for surviving the things I've been through but I'm not strong. I'm tired and I need help. I hate being told I'm strong. My new psych appt is still 3 weeks away. How do I find a lust for life or even just a like for life? #Depression #PTSD #complicated grief

The last few days were a whirlwind of thoughts and feelings about myself. The way that I see myself (or my self image) literally changes whenever I hear a song or find a new interest in something, sometimes it can go to the right or to the left, good or bad. Then I was thinking about how I handle things from an emotional standpoint. I’ve been described as an “empath”, a “healer”, and that this is my “gift”. I’ve been told that I’m gifted all of my life, and with all honesty, I feel like this was something I didn’t ask for. Being sensitive in this way hurts. It actually does feel like a curse to feel this way. Some may look at this and say the opposite. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always felt different, I’ve always felt that I didn’t belong with my peers (and I don’t mean that I’m special in any way). I’ve felt that something was wrong with me in a way that I couldn’t put into words. I’ve never opened up about any of my feelings mainly because I feel like no one would really believe all of what goes on in my head. I will laugh and joke with you on the outside, but on the inside, things are dark. I make a lot of self deprecating comments about myself at times. I’ve always appreciate a level of darkness, but sometimes that same darkness can be a bad place to be in. In all of this, I know where a lot of things went wrong, especially in my childhood. Then there are also holes in my memory, but for the things I do remember, they are vivid. There are good things in the mix of this. There are people in my life that tried to raise me the best that they could with their bad background, and as I look back at my life as an adult, I feel like in some way I was ruined behind certain choices that were made, words that were said, and actions made. I love them still and I hold nothing against them. I’ve come to realize that I’ve grown into a complicated adult, trying to grasp why I feel the way that I do. #MentalHealth #Depression #Emotions #familyhistory #Gifted #darkthoughts #darkness #Selfimage #complicated #Thoughts #empath

several one words come to mind:
#unique
#complicated
#expensive
#non -normal. — an unkind choice of words by an insensative orthopedic surgeon
#MightyPoets