I don’t know how to cope with the suffering my grandma is going through. She had a major stroke 4 months ago, she can’t move anything on her right side of her body. She’s been suffering immensely, these past 5 months.. she also has cancer. She’s 88. To add onto the horrible things she’s been going through: Her best friend of 65 years, passed away and her funeral was today. I went with gram. I knew today would be very hard for her. But I didn’t expect to see her as upset as she was. She was crying o much and so hard, she had a coughing fit. She was embarrassed, because we were in the front row with her wheelchair.
After, she wanted to hold my hand. She looked at me and was crying so hard, just being able to squeak out “I miss her so much… my best friend..” I have never seen so much pain in a persons face before.. i didn’t know what to say to try to comfort her. I just went numb and felt helpless. I held her hand. I wish I said “you don’t have to go through this alone. I am here with you. I love you.” my grandma is my favorite person on earth, and seeing her suffering so much in so many ways breaks my heart into a million pieces. I feel so hollow.
Gram is in a nursing home now. My mom and I are helping her be as comfortable as she can. but she’s taking pain meds a lot because her right arm hurts. And the cancer is in an intimate area and is probably spreading. She may have dementia. And she’s said before, she just wants to pass away. I try to visit on the weekends when I’m not working. But I want to just be with her all the time. I’m don’t know how much time I have left with her. I don’t know how to make this easier for her. To take away some of her pain.
I have severe mental health issues, and I’m not coping well with grams situation. I have chronic depression, anxiety, and ptsd from trauma. I’m dissociating and numb and so anxious. Growing up emotions were never expressed, only anger and avoidance of problems. I’m slowly learning about what emotions and feelings are. I am very frustrated. I’m seeing 2 therapists but only once a month because their schedules are so booked. I have absolutely no idea how to deal with my gram eventually passing away. She’s my world.
Please help me. #Depression #Anxiety #CopingWithCancer #Cancer #PTSD #Stroke #CheckInWithMe #help #MajorDepressiveDisorder #ChronicPain #Grief #StagesOfGrief