stages of grief

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    My partner died by suicide 12/5/21- leaving behind our 4 month old son and I to figure out this world together. He never reached out or shared any signs. No one told me about his prior mental health issues including concerns over his suicidality. We spoke and checked in with each other every day. Every dang day. But he said he was tired and I believed him because I was too. We were new parents. I guess my point is that I’m just so mad still. I’m a school counselor fully competent in mental health. I deal wit. Suicidal students regularly and lost a few good friends in life. I don’t get how he could do this. It’s a battle between my head and heart. My heart is so angry with him and my head knows he lost control and that this was a side effect of a brain disease- it wasn’t him being rational. The anger saves me from the deep hole of hopelessness- but I can’t live in this feeling for ever. Will my anger ever go away? I can’t help but just hate him for what he did- regardless of it being him or not- I can’t prove that he didn’t just dip out cuz shit got hard- and I guess- it wouldn’t be that outta question for him to quit something he couldn’t handle- so I feel like I’m letting him be praised and all this stuff for a cruel act. Sorry for the rambling. #StagesOfGrief #SuicideLossSurvivor

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    Grieving

    I never thought I would have to grieve our so much. As a child I thought grief was for when someone died. As an adult I know it's so much more! I grieve for the future success in my career, for the children O can't have, for the things I cannot do, for the family I have lost, for time I have lost, for the childhood I never had. The list is much longer than that! So much longer! Chronic Illness and Abuse steals so much from a person. #abusesurvivor #CPTSD #PTSD #arthymias #Anxiety #Depression #treatmentresitantdepression #HypermobilitySyndrome #PsoriaticArthritis #spondylarthritis #methylationissues #Grief #ComplicatedGrief #StagesOfGrief

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    Need help coping with stroke, cancer and death.

    I don’t know how to cope with the suffering my grandma is going through. She had a major stroke 4 months ago, she can’t move anything on her right side of her body. She’s been suffering immensely, these past 5 months.. she also has cancer. She’s 88. To add onto the horrible things she’s been going through: Her best friend of 65 years, passed away and her funeral was today. I went with gram. I knew today would be very hard for her. But I didn’t expect to see her as upset as she was. She was crying o much and so hard, she had a coughing fit. She was embarrassed, because we were in the front row with her wheelchair.

    After, she wanted to hold my hand. She looked at me and was crying so hard, just being able to squeak out “I miss her so much… my best friend..” I have never seen so much pain in a persons face before.. i didn’t know what to say to try to comfort her. I just went numb and felt helpless. I held her hand. I wish I said “you don’t have to go through this alone. I am here with you. I love you.” my grandma is my favorite person on earth, and seeing her suffering so much in so many ways breaks my heart into a million pieces. I feel so hollow.

    Gram is in a nursing home now. My mom and I are helping her be as comfortable as she can. but she’s taking pain meds a lot because her right arm hurts. And the cancer is in an intimate area and is probably spreading. She may have dementia. And she’s said before, she just wants to pass away. I try to visit on the weekends when I’m not working. But I want to just be with her all the time. I’m don’t know how much time I have left with her. I don’t know how to make this easier for her. To take away some of her pain.

    I have severe mental health issues, and I’m not coping well with grams situation. I have chronic depression, anxiety, and ptsd from trauma. I’m dissociating and numb and so anxious. Growing up emotions were never expressed, only anger and avoidance of problems. I’m slowly learning about what emotions and feelings are. I am very frustrated. I’m seeing 2 therapists but only once a month because their schedules are so booked. I have absolutely no idea how to deal with my gram eventually passing away. She’s my world.
    Please help me. #Depression #Anxiety #CopingWithCancer #Cancer #PTSD #Stroke #CheckInWithMe #help #MajorDepressiveDisorder #ChronicPain #Grief #StagesOfGrief

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    Grief ain’t got no timeline #PancreaticCancer #Grief #ComplicatedGrief #StagesOfGrief #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Depression

    I always held onto the fact that my Nonna met Tash. Since the night I got certified and she ended up calling the police on me my Nonna always told her 'you're the best friend Kailey's ever had' I spent years... living up to Tash's ideal. Being the perfect carbon copy of someone she wanted to be with. Yet in complete certainty I lost myself. My autonomy. Tash convinced me that I was tremendously hard love by me because of my mental health. She'd quote my Nonna saying that and it would reel me again. I forever felt indebted towards her.

    Yet I didn't realize I felt horribly indebted for years since my attempt. I wish more than anything that my Nonna could see the human I am today. I know she is proud. I know she's my guardian angel but I am angry today.

    I couldn't give my Nonna all of me because she was using coke daily. I was constantly worried even feels as i was cheated out of my final months with her. She made it about her and how Much she missed me being around.

    It's hard. I remember the call like yesterday. I remember getting chills because my dad was calling "No news is good news" being the motto in our family. I knew though. As soon as he spoke I could hear the devastation in his tone. I'll never forget that day. In that moment I realized I was going to lose my biggest cheerleader and my Nonna. My true mum. Who always had shoulders for me to cry on. Room for a cuddle to have. Time To hug. Time To tease. Time To laugh. She HAD time for me. My hero, every day... she got up and she did it all; she always was loving and gracious.

    I always have felt incredibly selfish because of all the shit I put her through but I know in my heart it's 'water under the bridge' as she would always tell me.
    It makes me angry how an Tash who was a transient person in my life was able to create the chaos she did.

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    The Death of My Mother Through A Bipolar ll Filter #Bipolar2Disorder #deathofaparent #StagesOfGrief #dreams #PTSD

    I understand the struggle already in place when one has a mood disorder and then loses a parent. I have bioolar 2 and lost my mother a few months back. The reality for meis trying to judge where I am at on the grief scale because ofthe depressive nature of bioolar.2 being already in play.The dreams I am having are the worst part of dealing with this. I keep on going
    back to the point of my mother's death and the
    difhculty of it and have not gotten to the point
    yet where I can see the happy memories of the
    past.
    My dreams make me frantic and I wake up with
    a headache and a pounding heartland it takes
    me a half hour to an hour to calm back down.

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    Whole new perspective #Grief

    My father died last February (it’s almost been one year) and it was pretty sudden even though we knew he had heart failure. He was 72. I’m 34.

    I know life isn’t fair, but I was so unprepared for his death. I feel like I’m swimming in the vast open universe with no where to land. My perspective on life, people, and purpose is completely different and I have nightmares every single night involving my father, his quick demise, and my brother who died 3 months before him at 41. I am not religious but I research alternative possibilities for life after death because I cannot cope with the thought that my father and brother simply cease to exist.

    My husband hasn’t been supportive, in fact he’s been quite cruel, and my mother AND mother in law moved in with us. I’m so annoyed and so alone in a house full of people. I don’t know what to do.

    #StagesOfGrief