Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19)

This has been one of the hardest days of my life. I sit here thinking if I can keep going. I don't think I can. It feels silly though as I have overcome so many things:

Pacemaker implant at age 21 - I beat that

Addison's Disease diagnosis at age 22 - I beat that

Refractory Celiac Disease diagnosis at age 23 - I beat that

Over ten concussions during that time - I beat that

Systematic Sepsis, hepatitis and hospitalization for 6 weeks - I beat that

TPN Feeding for two years - I beat that

High dose predisone for 18 years when they said it would destroy me - I beat that

8 different medications and 4 injections each month just to keep me alive - I beat that everyday

I have had covid 4 times and they told me it could kill me - I beat that

My fiancé left me high and dry at my worst - I somehow beat that

But I can't beat this.

The diseases broke my body, but rest broke my mind.

Post sepsis, I was no longer the same.

Post concussions, I have never been the same.

Since I started Prednisone, I have never been the same.

Since my last covid scare, I haven't been the same.

It all broke my mind. I can't multitask anymore. I went from a 4.0.0.0 GPA student, to a man who can't remember a simple name. My doctors call me a miracle, but I see a useless human with no purpose.

All through the world, people beat cancer or truly serious diseases. But here I am, stable based on blood work, but completely torn apart in reality. How can I be so weak, when others are so strong.

Everyday lately feels like hell. I haven't had a day without a headache or a week without a migraine in five years. I can't sleep because of the nightmares from my past. Sleep paralysis has been true torture. Life is so much worse, when you are afraid to sleep and afraid to be awake.

Life is torture. I am alone. Deservedly so. A strong man would have found a way to keep his family and to beat this. Instead I just survive day to day on my own. Living in this 10 x 10 room, just rotting. I haven't done anything fun or treated myself in nearly two decades. One due to finances, but mostly due to hate for myself. I don't deserve happiness as I failed at life. I had it all. A fiance, a house, a career, a purpose and it was all taken from me. I let that happen. I should have fought back.

So now the walls feel like they are closing in on me. This dog has lost fight. You can only fight so many battles before you wave the white flag.

So now that my diseases are finally under control, my body and mind will not cooperate. I kept fighting each day because I knew with modern medicine, I could get my life back. It was all a lie. The damage can't be undone.

I am not suicidal. My family needs me.

My niece, Emily, did not have a dad in her life. I had to be an uncle and a father figure. She also has autism and is struggling to find herself. She is my life. I will give her every ounce of energy that I have left, until the day I die.

I just don't have any left for myself. I am accepting that today. My life is gone. But I will still die happy if I can make Emily's life better than mine. That is all I want. I might quit on myself, but I refuse to quit on her. I don't care if it truly does kill me this time.

I love you god, but I truly wish you could have been fair. I forgive you. I forgive the world. I just wish I could forgive myself.

I've been taking Singulair (montelukast) for more than a year, on and off. The side effects, which are well-established, include nightmares and depression. When I'm taking it, the depression is strong, and when I stop, it lifts pretty quickly. I know it's not in my head, but I've had trouble getting a doctor to prescribe an alternative.

The rock: not being able to breath. Feeling like something is trying to smother me with a pillow every night.

The hard place: overwhelming nightmares and depression. It feels like being drugged (I would imagine).

Anyone else facing a similar rock and hard place scenario? How are you tackling it?

#longcovid #COVID19 #Asthma #SideEffects

Hi, my name is Michellelw. I'm here because I was diagnosed with EDS, Fibromyalgia and chronic migraine after 5 scary months of dizziness and heart issues which left me unable to care for myself. This is all new to me so I’m just looking for people who have some knowledge and helpful information. I’m exhausted and in pain, feel like my body fights me every day and I’m just getting over Covid which is just another wrench thrown into everything else.

#MightyTogether #Fibromyalgia #Migraine

I got picked up around 1015am for my 11am appointment... that is 8 minutes from my apartment. So I got there almost 45 minutes early. Luckily my nurse took me early. It was like everyone is going so very slow. I had to go to the on-site pharmacy to get my flu shot and COVID booster. The office rewards healthy habits. For instance today for getting my booster I got a $25 gift card for groceries. Then I got another gift card for having done my labs at some point in 3 months.
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Oh hey, I didn't finish my post. Ummm...hi?

Hi my name is Heimo and I'm new here. Just wondered if anyone has had the same experience as me and what's helped. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome/me 30 years ago when I was about 14. At that time there really wasn't any help offered besides, you need to rest. Throughout the years I've had times where I've felt better and been able to do more, sometimes for years, and times where I've been on bed rest for several months. The last few years I feel like my symptoms are getting worse. I have headaches almost constantly, pain in my joints and in all my typical fibro spots, back of arms around my bra line, upper back etc....is all getting worse and I feel like I'm constantly getting infections or feel like I'm trying to fight something off, I've had shingles twice this year also covid. Dr's of course have done all kinds of blood work and find nothing new but I feel like something is being missed. Any suggestions?