dating with a chronic illness

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    Brutally Honest Dating Profiles for Mental Health and Chronic Illness

    Dating is wild, am I right? I mean, you put together a profile, trying to condense your greatness into a short paragraph that simply screams, “Hey, stranger whom I might be about to meet. I’m the one you’ve been looking for.” But what if our dating profiles were more… brutally honest? That’s the task we set for four of our Super Contributors: share with us your brutally honest dating profiles complete with your conditions, your quirks, your wildness that makes you the beautiful Mighty that you are. Because hey, we wouldn’t be us without our conditions and our scars. We’re human and we deserve love not in spite of our conditions, but including them. We deserve love, end of sentence. Oh, and sorry, everybody — these profiles are meant for fun only! Here’s what they shared with us: Name: Monika Sudakov Age: 46 but age is just a number Location: Central Illinois Pronouns: She/Her Conditions: Complex PTSD, Body Dysmorphia, Anxiety If you can tolerate some insecurities, quirks, and a slightly overblown obsession with Céline Dion… Hi! I’m Monika! I am a chef and writer whose hobbies include listening to podcasts, watching documentaries, reading nonfiction, and binge-watching “Ted Lasso” and “Schitt’s Creek.” I’m a recovering perfectionist and aspiring good-enoughist who tends to apologize for everything and considers herself terminally unique in her ability to be responsible for everything on the planet. My ideal partner loves intellectual conversation, sends me constant words of affirmation, makes me laugh, and regularly reinforces that I am enough, especially when my anxiously attached brain tells me I’m not. If you can tolerate some insecurities, quirks, and a slightly overblown obsession with Céline Dion, the reward will be a partner who is loyal, caring, and will keep you endlessly on your toes. Name: Ashley Nestler Age: 27 Location: Denver, CO. Pronouns: She/her Conditions: Schizoaffective Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Complex PTSD, OCD, Atypical Anorexia I am often jumpy and may be found talking to the various voices in my head! Hi, all! My name is Ashley, and I am a mental health specialist who also happens to have various mental illnesses! I love reading, writing, crocheting, painting, cross-stitching, and sleeping too much. I am often jumpy and may be found talking to the various voices in my head! You might find that I’m a particularly interesting person to sleep next to as I am frequently disrupted by nightmares. Nevertheless, I will always have something fun and interesting to talk about so you will never be bored! Eating with me can be difficult, however, due to my body issues and inability to eat regularly, but I will always be happy to cook you a meal. Hit me up if you are in for one hell of a ride! I promise that you won’t ever forget me. Name: Megan Glosson Age: 34 Location: Nashville, TN. Pronouns: She/her Conditions: Migraine, Complex PTSD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Poland Syndrome At least you can enjoy my lopsided chest? Hey, I’m Megan, a red-headed mama who’s amBItiously looking for love… mostly because the idea of being alone terrifies me. I’m always down for a night out on the town, but I probably won’t answer your texts or calls the day after because I will be in bed battling excruciating head pain. I’m very cuddly, and I’ll definitely ask you if you’re mad at me at least 10 times a day, but hey, at least you can enjoy my lopsided chest? Just don’t plan any dates that require us to use mass transit, and be prepared to get sucker-punched if you ever try to hug me from behind. Name: Ameera Ladak Age: 27 Pronouns: They/Them Conditions: ADHD, Depression, Complex PTSD, Anxiety, Conversion Disorder, Irritable Bowel Syndrome I love making you laugh because it’s the quickest way for me to get the external validation I crave. Hey, wassup, hello! I’m a pro-mask masc. looking for love (or maybe not – I have an anxious-avoidant attachment style and the L-word makes me barf a little) in the time of mental illness. I’m a Gemini, which is my not-so-subtle way of saying I’m queer and have ADHD. I love short walks on the beach (or actually, on even terrain – chronic pain), and making you laugh because it’s the quickest way for me to get the external validation I crave. Full disclosure, I probably will forget to text you back or miss your birthday, but will go into a rejection sensitive dysphoria spiral if I don’t hear from you. Benefits of dating me include having access to my brain, which is full of useless trivia from various hyperfixations and my hyperindependence, which means you’ll never have to do anything for me. Swipe left if you won’t be able to handle my IBS farts or long romantic nights with nausea, nightmares, and if it’s extra special, maybe even a seizure! Dating can be hard when you live with an illness. If you’re wondering how other people handle having that conversation with their prospective paramours, then look no further: we hope the articles below will help you find your way through the sometimes murky waters of dating. 5 Tips for Dating Someone With Mental Illness When You’re Struggling Too These Dating Apps Are Made for People With Illnesses and Disabilities When to Reveal Your Mental Health Condition in a New Relationship

    Community Voices
    Community Voices

    What are your health-related dating dealbreakers?

    <p>What are your health-related dating dealbreakers?</p>
    13 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    To new begainings (dating101)

    <p>To new begainings (dating101)</p>
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    Feeling hard to love

    I've been sick for two weeks now from POTS...I mean not being able to walk without almost passing out, not being able to eat, and constantly exhausted kind of sick.
    Right before my most recent flare up, my partner and I decided to take a break.
    The break is because of me. They can't handle my flare ups that keep me from living my life and I honestly don't know how to handle it.
    On one hand, I want to be the perfect partner who can go out and do things without being exhausted or getting stopped by pain, on the other hand I'm so mentally and physically exhausted that even thinking of doing normal relationship things exhaust me.
    I'm 37... And lately feeling overwhelmed with being a single Mom on SSI. My self worth is low and knowing that I'm such a difficult person to be with because of my illnesses is... Breaking my heart. #LivingWithPOTS #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #Bipolar2Disorder #exhausted #DatingWithAChronicIllness

    7 people are talking about this

    Writing a Dating Profile When You're Chronically Ill

    Let’s face it. The days of meeting the man of your dreams organically are long gone. It could be the most picturesque, rom com movie moment. You could be the most gorgeous girl in the world, wearing a dress that makes you feel like an absolute 10. You make a calculated move and walk directly past your dream man,but he won’t even notice you. Because 9/10 times he was checking his Instagram, sharing a new meme or chuckling at a new video on Tik tok. In a society of ducked heads staring into phones, when it comes to finding a date, and potentially finding the love of your life, you have to be “on screen” to be seen. I may be only 25, but lately I’ve definitely been hit by this harsh reality. Living in a small town where either all my friends have babies or are desperately searching for someone to call them “baby,” I’ve felt a shadow looming over my shoulders. Whispering in my ear saying, “You need to start at least dating or you’re going to die alone.” But living with a chronic/life-threatening illness (especially in a pandemic) makes this enormous feat 1,000 times more difficult. Why, you may ask? 1. Being the only “dates” I have scheduled this past year are appointments and procedures on my “My chart patient app.” 2. I attempted to write my dating profile. (Basically my own personal eBay ad that states “Date me! I’m adorable and available!”). The glimpse into my world for every possible match I may have… And it all went terribly wrong. Seriously. When I wrote my bio for this dating site, it went something like this. Me: OK. I need something, cute, flirty, fact filled. But may allude to the fact that if you take me on a physically active date there is a slight chance you may have to take me to the emergency room ….  I think I have the perfect idea! Anxiously types on my iPhone: “I may be chronically ill… but Id like to CHILL with you.” Me: No..  Nooo .. Nooo.. too literal. I hit the backspace button about a million times. Me: OK. Maybe something less “chronic.”  More iconic? Something that doesn’t scream “Hey, I’m sick! We can always talk about that if I actually like the guy, right?” I type: “Not so Slim…  kind of Shady?” Me: OK. This is cute, creative, and may allude to the fact that right now my autoimmune disease has made me SO swollen that I’m basically a human water balloon. Wait…  Shady?!..  What am I thinking?! I’m not shady. What kind of creepy stranger on the internet is going to be interested in a girl who advertises herself as shady?! Ugh… I hit the backspace button multiple times. Throw my hands in the air like I’m begging the universe for mercy. “Maybe, I might need something more personal anyway.” In the midst of this calamity of trying to write my own dating profile… The alarm on my phone rings to let me know it’s time to take one of my seemingly millions of pills that make it so my body won’t kill me. A smirk spreads across my lips. And a mischievous chuckle escapes my mouth. As I decide to write the most honest thing I can on my dating profile. “Limited time offer… Date with outgoing 6’1 girl.. take her out. Before her rare life-threatening autoimmune disease does.” I chuckle internally in a twisted sort of manner. Me: “OK that’s hilarious, but way too dark. I can’t post that.” I take a screen shot to show my friends with chronic illness because they are the only ones who will get this twisted sense of humor and then once again hits the backspace button. I let out an audible sigh, slap my palm to my face and think out loud. “Maybe I should just put an ironic quote from the office like everyone else does?” I end up going for something entirely generic where not a word of my illness was mentioned. But deeper in the pictures attached to the profile, I add a picture with myself wearing my oxygen cannula, so the profile doesn’t feel like a complete lie. Scrolling through dating apps Seeing accounts of CrossFit Junkies who are looking for their adventure buddy and someone to just go hiking with, it’s utterly terrifying knowing you will never be that girl. That you will have to share the fact that you are sick. If you ever do make a love connection, you want them to see you, not just your illness. But how can you accurately share about your life, if you are too scared to talk about one of the biggest parts of it. And how can you even think of promising to spend your life with someone when doctors’ hands are up in the air, when it comes to how long your life is going to be. Most people when they make a dating profile are either searching for a soulmate or a good time. But for me, making a dating profile feels like I’m making a promise I can’t keep. To be that bright eyed, outgoing girl in my picture. But in all honesty I can’t tell you if I will physically be able to make it out of bed tomorrow. Or if I’ll be here next year. The whole aspect of dating, especially online dating, just seems to be one of the 100,009 things my illness makes 1,000 times more difficult. I’ve kept my dating profile, but if we are honest it’s been just for entertainment purposes. Like online window shopping, but with good looking men  instead of clothes. But I still hope and pray one day I’ll spontaneously meet a man who understands the unpredictable nature of my health situation. Who doesn’t make commitment feel like a promise I can’t keep, but a ride he is willing to go on, ho matter how long it lasts. In a world full of unpredictability, living in a body that’s trying to kill me, I don’t need a protagonist; I’m the hero of my own story. I don’t need someone with a savior complex  who wants a delicate little rose. And heaven knows I don’t need a man who is going to leave the second life gets hard (my life is primarily full of hard). I need someone who will be there. Who accepts me for my faults, like I accept him for his. And together we run closer to God and bring out the best version of each other. But in today’s world that seems as hard as writing the perfect profile when you’re chronically ill. But it could happen? Right? Maybe since I spend so much of my time in the hospital he will be a doctor. If he is a doctor, at least he would have good health insurance…

    Community Voices
    Community Voices

    How do I #empower the disabled men in my life?

    I am saddened to see that the media at large does not have many resources for supporting the at-risk men in our lives. My boyfriend is #unemployed and suffers from #PTSD and #SchizoaffectiveDisorder #BipolarDepression and, should we ever get married, I would be the only source of income (as he hasn’t even been able to acquire his SSI, still working on that). And as a man, I don’t want to “emotionally emasculate” him by being the provider and caretaker. I want him to feel like a man. I shower him with kindness and positivity, and times to be vulnerable and raw. But is there something I may be missing? I want to give him the whole world. #Relationships #DatingWithAChronicIllness #SpecialNeedsMarriages #Love #courage #CheckInWithMe #MightyTogether

    2 people are talking about this
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