Struggling with a negative friend #friendshipstruggles #lonely
I have a long time friend who is heavily involved with the local youth. Is always happy and friendly on the outside, but when she is around friends, she completely changes. She is 40+ and has never been married, nor has kids. Has not had anyone even interested for several years. She is not bad looking, and is very generous, but no one seems to notice her. As you can imagine, this has brought her down, she says she is worthless and is disappointing her parents because she hasn't made them grandparents (she's an only child).
She has watched all of her friends grow and get married and have kids, and just don't have time for her anymore. Not many reach out to her, and ask her to do things. Those of us that do take time to do things with her, get to hear all about how lonely and terrible of a person she is, and how disappointing she is. If we don't immediately respond, we are moved to the "not a real friend" category.
I have even stopped giving advice, because every time I do, I get some excuse. She has been to therapy, but according to her, they told her she needed to change, and made her feel worse than she already does.
She has also tried to join dating sites, and has only received men reaching out to her wanting "nudes" (boy am I glad I'm married).
I feel like she is getting more and more depressed, I don't think she would commit suicide, because she is religious (a youth pastor). I do see that she has convinced herself that she is awful and deserves to be alone. How can I help? I have tried to say everything I can, but I always get in return "then why don't I have a husband and family" or "then why do I always have to vacation and do things alone"?
It has gotten to the point that it has affected me, and I won't even look at her texts until I can prepare myself...I'm talking pages of text that I just feel she types out and sends to anyone that will listen.
Is there anyone that has this same issue or that can recommend anything other than what I have? I don't want to not be friends with her, because she has done so much for me, but I'm not sure how much more I can take. she has been to my kids birthday parties, we have been out painting, lunch, she has been there for all of my surgery's, but I just don't know how much more I can take.
Thanks for listening, everyone else just tells me to get rid of her, but like I said, she has been so good to me and my family, I just want to be able to help her! <3