friendshipstruggles

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    Struggling with a negative friend #friendshipstruggles #lonely

    I have a long time friend who is heavily involved with the local youth. Is always happy and friendly on the outside, but when she is around friends, she completely changes. She is 40+ and has never been married, nor has kids. Has not had anyone even interested for several years. She is not bad looking, and is very generous, but no one seems to notice her. As you can imagine, this has brought her down, she says she is worthless and is disappointing her parents because she hasn't made them grandparents (she's an only child).

    She has watched all of her friends grow and get married and have kids, and just don't have time for her anymore. Not many reach out to her, and ask her to do things. Those of us that do take time to do things with her, get to hear all about how lonely and terrible of a person she is, and how disappointing she is. If we don't immediately respond, we are moved to the "not a real friend" category.

    I have even stopped giving advice, because every time I do, I get some excuse. She has been to therapy, but according to her, they told her she needed to change, and made her feel worse than she already does.

    She has also tried to join dating sites, and has only received men reaching out to her wanting "nudes" (boy am I glad I'm married).

    I feel like she is getting more and more depressed, I don't think she would commit suicide, because she is religious (a youth pastor). I do see that she has convinced herself that she is awful and deserves to be alone. How can I help? I have tried to say everything I can, but I always get in return "then why don't I have a husband and family" or "then why do I always have to vacation and do things alone"?

    It has gotten to the point that it has affected me, and I won't even look at her texts until I can prepare myself...I'm talking pages of text that I just feel she types out and sends to anyone that will listen.

    Is there anyone that has this same issue or that can recommend anything other than what I have? I don't want to not be friends with her, because she has done so much for me, but I'm not sure how much more I can take. she has been to my kids birthday parties, we have been out painting, lunch, she has been there for all of my surgery's, but I just don't know how much more I can take.

    Thanks for listening, everyone else just tells me to get rid of her, but like I said, she has been so good to me and my family, I just want to be able to help her! <3

    1 person is talking about this
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    Community Voices

    Can someone help me #unpack this? ALL Honest POV welcomed! #friendshipstruggles

    So I have this really random, possibly extremely shallow, idea to only have female #Friends that are not straight or more on the same sex spectrum than I am.

    Here me out.... I’ve sometimes seem to find girl friends that were not really my friends... (healthy friendships have came and gone but those ended mostly bc of me) like we could hang out and have great times but it was chitter chatter behind my back and always making me seem as if being me came at a cost to them. Mind you I’m an easy target bc I avoid confrontation bc I don’t know how to control my anger once it released. (long story....)

    Anyways back to the topic: making friends with girls that like the same sex or more attracted to the same sex. See I wouldn’t have to deal with the insecurity for trying to be chosen... sounds sad right but it’s a start for me anyways. I have #Nofriends after deciding on what I can and cannot deal with in a friend.......

    So I would like to invite everyone who reads this to share an idea in the comments! Please no hate and respect their POV. #LetsTalkAboutIt #Advice

    3 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    Am I the only one who lost a friendship because they did not take the pandemic seriously? One of my closest friends (we know each other since we were in middle school) and I have been “breaking up” because as much as I want to accept our differences, I cannot ignore the fact that she failed to ever social distance and even hung out with people who had covid. After months of her going through this “rebellious” phase, she kinda got back to being more responsible and I felt like we were on the same page. We were even roommates for a while. When the vaccine came out, I got the shots. She showed moderate interest in getting it but only moderate. The problem is not that she is scared of side effects or any hesitancy about the science, but that she simply couldn’t care less. Like there is absolutely no sense of urgency. The fact that she does not even bother to do a bit of research or even discussing these issues is hurting our friendship for good. I can’t “forgive her” for being so indifferent to the pandemic that has killed so many. How can I close this chapter and really become capable of not caring whatsoever? I wish I could kinda move on from her but it’s so hard 💔#friendshipstruggles #help

    3 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    Why is it people can't except me for me??
    Why do they keep shoving positivity down my throat, I'm chronically ill and in pain daily, they say u aren't ur pain or ur illness.

    If I'm to negative, u may walk away, every one else has.

    I'm not gonna sugar coat, usually there isn't a good day in my life.

    My own mother called me a Horrible House because I fell asleep at her house one day.

    I've been called a Debbie Downer and Burden.

    People say well they can't experience what we go through well they can have compassion, care, love, ***NOW U ALL KNOW WHY I COME HERE SO MUCH.

    I don't need counsoling.

    I'm tired of people shoving God down my throat.

    I'm tired of people saying, well, if u had a little bit more Faith, if u loved God a little more, etc.

    Really???

    U wanna come trade places

    People say well hope can't lie in people, maybe God sent people to be there for me just to listen being an ear to hear, like the mighty.

    I love coming here, but, not finding it very supportive.

    Lord, if people can't handle my bad days which r EVERY SINGLE DAY, then I definately don't want them here on my good days, which r rare.

    #chatspace
    #no Shame
    #upallnight
    #distractme
    #painwarrior
    #Painwarriors
    #painsuffers
    #CheerMeOn
    #Pain
    #friendships
    #friendshipstruggles
    #Painsomnia
    #lonely
    #Lonliness
    #ChronicPain
    #ChronicIllness
    #CheckInWithMe
    #EssentialTremors
    #no Support
    #Nosupportsystem
    #DebbieDowner
    #Burden
    #Christianity

    15 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    Anxiety and friendship

    Advice needed! A friend of mine who is dealing with anxiety disorder, hasn't replied back for a week now (also pretty much absent from social media). We are friends for maybe six months and I know they tend not to reveal when they have struggles with anxiety (would even say to me all is fine before). Now, I don't know if they are really just so busy with work + holidays, or they really have a difficult time. I worry if my new message showing concern would make it worse because I don't want to put a pressure for a reply (and add to anxiety), nor to intrude on their privacy if this is tough time. Those of you who have been in similar situations or living with GAD, what would you advise me as the best? Just wait? Thanks! ♥️ #friendshipstruggles #MentalHealth #InvisibleIllness

    16 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    Not Even Made It Out Of Bed Yet and It Is 11:00am, SO FRUSTRATING

    So, frustrating, not even made it out of bed, and it is 11:00am here, the pain is intense, just trying to fight, thank u all for being here for me, being my support. I want people who care and love me, not just shove things down my throat, and make me feel 1,000 times worse

    #Chatspace
    #noshame
    #Upallnight
    #chronic pain
    #CheckInWithMe
    #Lonliness
    #Painwarriors
    #Painwarriors
    #Disability
    #lonely
    #friendships
    #friendshipstruggles

    2 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    I'm really struggling, morning my new life, people say get well, get better soon, it isn't gonna happen, I'm tired of waking up, making it to the couch, just to lay down again, people say get up move around, well, that is easier said than done with Essential Tremors, it affects my whole body, so getting up and moving around isn't the issue.

    I'm not the issue, the doctors, medications, etc, aren't the issue, the issue is I have a slu of medical issues, that the doctors r doing the best they can to treat, there comes a point and time u get tired of the hospitals, the meds, etc, at that time, u just need love, support, and care, I'm so so thankful I found this App.

    I'm told to get up and move, quit thinking about it, quit talking about it, and it'll go away.

    If that is the case, it should've went away a long time ago, because there r plenty of times I don't think about it, I'm so so thankful for finding this App where I feel accepted, loved and cared for.

    #self -Care Lounge
    #Chatspace
    #Upallnight
    #noshame
    #Painsomnia
    #Painwarriors
    #Disability
    #CheerMeOn
    #ChronicIlliness
    #ChronicPain
    #CheckInWithMe
    #Lonliness
    #EssentialTremors
    #friendships
    #friendshipstruggles
    #lonely
    #Pain

    5 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    does anyone else have a really hard time with "friends"? If I had a dime for every time someone walked away and said it was because of my mental health I would be rich. I'm an extremely intense person. I love HARD. There isn't a single thing I wouldn't do for someone I called a friend, but I have NEVER received that type of loyalty in return. I have given people a place to stay when they had nothing and nobody. But as the most recent person told my husband, she just couldn't be the type of friend I needed I'm curious is it me? Am I unloveable? Or is it a BPD thing where I push to hard to fast? #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #MentalHealth #friendshipstruggles #whatswrongwithme #Depression #PanicDisorder #PTSD #Agoraphobia

    41 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    Friends that just make the stress worse

    I have been struggling with a certain friend. She has been my friend for 20+ years. And yet, I feel I don't even know her anymore.

    I had a stroke in 2016 that has cause a domino affect of illness in my body, I struggle most days to get out of bed and just function. And some days I can function.

    This friend struggles with what to say or do to help me. And I struggle with wanting her to even be around.
    She struggles with not saying the right things to me and I find the things says hurtful and not validating to my illness. I spoke up about this yesterday and the answer I got back was "Wow, ok. Didn't mean to...". If she didn't mean to then say your sorry, valid my feelings! But she just Un-validated the invalid feeling. She does this quite often and I have decided to take a break from her for a couple of months to re-evaluate our friendship.

    I have two questions for you all.

    1. Do you refer to any great links that help you deal with friends that seem to just not get illness as whole?

    2. If you were in my position what sort of tools would you use to help you decide if this friend is worth the stress of being in your life?

    I hooe you all the best day you can have today. #friendshipstruggles

    3 people are talking about this