depressing

During this time of staying home has made me feel useless, I am a PSW on parental leave....however; I should have returned to work today. I am unable to return because of the Covid...not too many clients want to be helped at this time and other PSWs are only working half days. Apparently, Im not needed. What feels worst is my boyfriend has decided not to allow my grandson and I go with him shopping anymore. The reason is because my 16 month old screams, randomly when he is frustrated or can't get his way. It's part of his development, so I've been managing it as https://well.as I can. We were in a store picking a new lamp, because the baby screamed a few times while we were trying to pick a lamp, my boyfriend started walking away. Basically he doesn't want us to go with him anywhere anymore, because as he said "can't do anything with a screaming kid." He was stressed out. Apparently he had a terrible day. I honestly think maybe might be time to move on...but I have no place to go. I really need to reevaluate my life and situation and figure out whats best for me and my grandson. #unforseenfuture #thinkhard #justdontknowrightnow

I seem to do okay for a few weeks and then all of a sudden I’ll have a night like I did last night where I’m up until 4am. It’s very #frustrating and #depressing to constantly deal with the worry of sleep. #Sleep #Anxiety #OCD #Depression

It's #Thanksgiving next week.

My favorite holiday of the year, and not just because of food and family. It's also because it allows me time to stop and think about what I should be #thankful for, which I don't often allow myself to do.

It's easy for me to focus on the #depressing things that go on in my life, even when I know deep down that I have a lot going for me in my life.

Why am I not doing even BETTER in terms of my professional writing career, even if I'm doing fairly good?

How come I'm not still in touch with the few friends I had left back home in CT, and what could I have done to have fixed that?

Why is it soo fucking hard to make new friends, and what do people say and think about me while I'm not in the room?

And yeah, while it's not high on my list of priorities in life right now, it's a LITTLE bit depressing to think that there are more and more people my age and younger who are getting MARRIED, while I'm still single.

I'm definitely my own worst critic, when it comes to my personal life.

But for whatever reason, it always helps me tone down that normal #Anxiety I have about my own life, and look at the glass half full rather than half empty, so to speak, when I stop and reflect about all the positive in my life - which I won't repeat here, since I do enough of that on my personal blog and social media - and think about how thankful I really am for that, and how despite how I might feel about it from time to time, my life isn't that bad, after all.

For that reason, if nothing else but that and getting to enjoy a nice meal (that isn't pizza, for once! Ahh, city life) with family, I'm quite looking forward to another Thanksgiving.

#minitherapysessionswithmyself