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    To deny or not to deny?

    Does anyone else kind of miss the denial days? I see posts say "well done on your growth" "great job taking the first steps" "look how far you've come" etc. But tbh, the years I spent in denial just moving forward and trying to put the past behind me were blissful compared to my conscious reality of the past 2-3 years. I knew it would be a struggle at the start to open up, acknowledge, work through etc, but honestly, having to face it now sucks and I my mental health is definitely worse. Maybe denial sounds silly, but I felt safe in my bubble. And a lot happier. #CPTSD #PTSD #DISOCIATION #denial

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    Fairytales and Fear ....... #MightyPoets

    I read about princes and kingdoms and fame
    Of happy endings, true love found in the rain;
    My head became full like a dreamers mixtape
    Singing songs about happiness, sunshine and grace.

    A world built of meadows, dew drops in the shade
    Lived within the realm of endless summer days;
    Colored by rainbows amid pots of gold
    Sheltered between stories yet to unfold.

    A picture not basking in hatred or blood
    But a dreamland secured, locked in safety and love;
    A place in which fear was virtually an unknown
    Where worry's left on the doorstep you called home.

    This fairytale land is what kept me afloat
    Through times of neglect and feeling so alone;
    I'd invite to tea friends made inside of my head
    To stave off the reality of impending dread.

    Of which always came as the lightning did crack
    I'd hide in my closet, scared of the attack;
    Didn't matter if it was by words or a hand
    Each felt like a beating that never would end.

    To soothe all the pain, I'd then take off and flee
    Into such a land which I called make-believe;
    Without it had not a clue how to survive
    The contempt and failure that bled straight from your eyes.

    And unto this day, although decades have passed
    It's still hard to shake what scarred me like cut glass;
    Yet no more do I turn to friends in my head
    I simply detach and feel nothing instead.

    By: Debra Brent

    #PTSD #SexualTrauma #Trauma #Suicide #SuicideIdeation #Depression #Anxiety #Childhoodtrauma #survivaltactics #Escape #DISOCIATION #Detachment #hurting #Grief #Healing #MentalHealth #Abuse #AbuseSurvivors #Poetry #Pain #fairytales #Fear #neglect #FearOfAbandonment #Survivor


    Switch off

    Sometimes when it gets too much flashbacks nightmare I wish I had an on-off button