I’ve been thinking a lot about this, and I’ve come to the conclusion that a lot of my behaviour as a child/young adult may have stemmed from early manic episodes.
When I’m manic, I have this ball of electricity that sits in the pit of my stomach. When I try to sit still, my body tells me to get up and move around. I talk over people, don’t let people finish their sentences, and spend recklessly (though before my current relationship I would send myself into a spiral of sexual escapades that did nothing but leave me feeling worse).
I feel like I can do anything at the beginning, and all of these incredible ideas race through me at 100 miles a minute. “I could start a non-for-profit, go back to school to become a psychologist who specializes in BP disorder.” I can clean the whole house in one day without stopping. I go most days with no food until the evening. My hunger is either surpressed or over eager, and my weight has fluctuated significantly for most of my life.
I can’t help but feel alone in these symptoms, especially because I have not had an actual diagnosis yet (though I’m already being treated for BP I).
So I want to know what your mania looks like. I want to know what other co-morbidities you may be suffering with. I want to start a conversation about what it’s like to live in the extreme highs from people that know what it feels like.
In 2019, it was the first time I didn’t experience as many challenging episodes and dealt with longer “stable” periods. My therapist diagnosed me with bipolar 2, and I feel like when I have longer stable periods it makes me feel like I’m a fake. I don’t always cycle that much. Notably I cycle more during spring, summer and fall. And had the worst mixed episode last August/September. I don’t know, sometimes I just feel like a fake or like I experience more depression and mixed episodes. I’ve rarely dealt with hypomania. Am I an imposter? Does anyone else feel this way? #BipolarDisorder #MixedEpisodes #Bipolar2Disorder #Bipolar2Disorder #Depression #Hypomania #DysphoricMania #bipolarcycle
I’m currently in the process of getting diagnosed with bipolar 2 by a psychiatrist (have already been told by a psychologist). Personally I’ve been doing a lot of research to help better understand bipolar disorder, but it’s hard to find clinical information about mixed episodes and dysphoric mania. Especially since it’s what I experience more than hypomania. Also, it’s hard to find people talking about their experiences with mixed episodes. Those of you who experience this, how does it effect you? For me it feels like a very heightened depressive episode, with surging energy through my body, extreme anxiety, agitation. It makes me more suicidal and impulsive. It’s the most uncomfortable mood state I’ve ever been in. #BipolarDisorder #MixedEpisodes #DysphoricMania #MoodDisorders #Bipolar2Disorder #BipolarDisorderDiagnosis
When you feel overwhelmed, anxious, down or uncomfortable , think about a big city, the ocean, and all of the people, places and interactions you’ve ever had. Every single one of those has created a #Sorrynotsorry version of you that is REAL. Just as real as the version of you that is in pain. You exist a hundred thousand times, in just as many different forms, so be the one you like best, and allow this thought to humble you. We are all stardust. #Stayhumble #Weareallstardust #LoveYouMore #choosekindness #DysphoricMania #DissociationDisorders #PTSD #BipolarDisorder