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Hi I’m New Here!


If you’ve had one PLS comment, I am seeing my therapist today but it would be nice to know I’m not alone?? I know I’ll be okay but also want to get some reassurance from people who’ve been through something like this.

I am in the midst of moving out of my parents house into an apartment with one of my best friends. The excitement & fun of it all has made me hypomanic I think, but I also feel empty at the same time & am craving affection (I am NOT an affectionate person?).

Would love to hear your experience/thoughts/advice :)

#BipolarDisorder #mixedepisode #GettingHelp #Mania #RapidCyclingBipolar #WhatIsHappening

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Relationship Loss

Coping with the grief of losing the relationship with my biological children. All but 3 of my boys have shut me out, with my middle son only interact me when the mood hits him. I know the trauma I caused them early in my recovery from bipolar disorder is at the root of this, but I can't get them to open up and talk to me about it. It's been almost 4 years since their mom and I separated and despite some gains here and there, I've made no lasting progress. Especially with my oldest, who has actually told me he wants nothing to do with me, I don't think there's much else I can do. So now I'm trying to face a world without out them and the grief is suffocating. Today I'm experiencing a definite mixed episode, starting last night with racing thoughts that kept me up. Accepting this reality is so painful and utterly exhausting. Any advice is appreciated, but mainly I needed some place to vent where people would get it.#BipolarDisorder #Grief #mixedepisode

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Mania & trauma, who is to blame?

As I’ve recently wrote, after battling with vast shifts in my moods I was eventually diagnosed with bipolar in December which has been rather destabilising.

I’ve got many questions, and I’ve had more flashbacks than I’d like.

Mania is often understandably glorified. After living in the dark for months, on the brink of mortality, you can eventually see colour again. The sun shines bright, your body language excels confidence, your mind radiates creativity and life is for living. I relate to depression as a trial session of hell. So when heaven opens its gates for you, you embrace that euphoria.

But what about those in-between episodes? The dangerous, damaging side of mania is often forgotten. One foot in hell and a head in the clouds? Low self worth, hyper sexuality and impulsivity are a perfect combination for trauma, and I have more stories than I’d like to share.

Who was to blame. Was it me, should I have safeguarded my well-being? Was it the mental health services for abandoning the consideration I required more help than the GP surgery could offer?
Or was it the perpetrator, the narcissist in tune to my suffering and vulnerability?

I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to answer those questions. I’m torn between confronting the perpetrators, or figuring out a way to make peace with it all.

If it wasn’t for this disorder, I certainly would not have been as successful in my career. I also wouldn’t have a heart full of hurt. Swings and roundabouts I guess?

Photo credit: @morrigan.studios
#Bipolar #Mania #mixedepisode #Trauma


Suggestions for managing a #mixedepisode

Struggling with a new swing. I thought it would be a depressive episode, but appears to be mixed. Anyone have some tips on managing these?


Learning to live again after a #mixedepisode

Hello you beautiful people, thanks for adding me.
I am currently recovering from a severe mixed episode w/ psychosis which occurred in March-April-May and f*ck, this is hard. I missed out on so many things. Fell behind in uni for losing the entire 2nd semester. Lost friends for things I said while unwell. Mistreated and misdiagnosed in the most traumatic hosp admission ever. I am finally learning to live life again and I’m so glad I’ve found this group. I’ve recently moved out of my parents’ home and keeping up with housework and generally adulting is reallllly hard. But I’m so happy in my new cosy home. I can do this. Can I?

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#MixedEpisodes part 2: Do I REALLY have #BipolarDisorder Tho?

*My previous post was just a real-time, stream of consciousness post during a #mixedepisode .
I was diagnosed with #BipolarDisorder in 2008. Since then, I intermittently go through periods where I wonder if I really have bipolar. Maybe I was misdiagnosed. I have #CPTSD (complex PTSD) as well, and some of the symptoms mimic #Bipolar .. But something always happens that snaps me back to reality- that I do, in fact, have bipolar disorder. I'd had a #Telehealth appt w/my #Psychiatrist that morning, and she pointed out that I seem to be in a mixed state based on her observations, and what I was telling her. She has never said that to me in the almost 2 years we've been working together. She's mainly seen me #depressed , because I have #bipolardisorder2 , so I mostly experience #Depression .
I'd wanted to talk about what I've been experiencing on here, but just couldn't find the words. I've actually been trying for weeks to write a post. So yesterday, I decided after like 12 hours of fruitlessly trying to figure out what to say, that I was just going to do a real-time stream of consciousness post.
I've gotten to where I've accepted this diagnosis, most of the time. However, it's hard to deny it while in the throws of your thoughts turning into nonsensical scrambled eggs, and (sometimes) in a small corner of your mind being aware that your thoughts might not be logical, but not being able to stop it. ❤️