Making It Through
Making It Through
Things have just been so hard.
I don't want to write a terribly long post because all the ins and outs of my situation, my relationship and other things are just too hard to explain. But the shorter version is simply caught between the inability to live a peaceful life. My relationship if I stay in it will be chaotic ...life can be, but super chaotic due to my partners family etc which understandably I cannot expect to be dismissed. Last minute emergencies, drama and all sorts that cut into our time and has meant we don't get the space or time together and either I live with thet or learn to be that ogre and leave. Seeming like someone who isn't understanding of having a family and its not like that. I have my own medical issues, support my partner with bipolar, have dyspraxia and cannot hold it together. I am feeling terrible thiugh, a letdown, suicidal and even at that I can't say enough is enough. If I leave my partner I love I will be lonely, without love, worthless and useless. I just can't keep it together. I am trying so hard to come as far as I have to stand by but I just want to give up.
College is 2 days in and I’m ready to be done
I started college band camp yesterday and I’m having a horrible time. I love playing the music and the thrill of performing, but it’s so fast paced and no one seems to care that I’m struggling. Never have I felt my dyspraxia hitting me so hard before this. It’s like every time I try to do something my body does something else and it’s so frustrating. People just keep telling me how to do stuff over and over again but I already know how I just can’t make it happen!! 😠 I’ve pointed out that I have a coordination disorder but it’s like my section leader just decided it wasn’t relevant. She won’t give me time to practice individually at my own pace but when I obviously play half my notes wrong and miss the other half she just says it sounds good. I ask for help and she just tells me it’s easy and I should just figure it out. I don’t know how I can keep this up. And I still haven’t made any friends, surprise surprise (sarcasm). When I told my section leader I didn’t have anyone to sit with at lunch she just told me that was rough and left me. We moved in early so there’s no other freshmen on campus, and when I tried to go to game night everyone ignored me. I thought band would be my “family” just like high school but it’s like no one even notices I’m here. On top of this my roommate seems to have no concept of cleaning, and just rinsed her dishes instead of using soap. And she left the bathroom so gross last night I had to clean it before bed. I try to point it out and she just brushes it off. I don’t know what to do and I just want to go home, I hate this
#Autism #Dyspraxia #developmentalcoordinationdisorder
Teachers & Parents 🧭
Why won’t she tell me?
Yesterday my psychologist texted me and asked if she could meet with me and my parents during my next appointment. I asked why via text, a voicemail and another text today; she still hasn’t told me. The suspense is driving my anxiety crazy. I don’t know if it has something to do with a journal entry I wrote about my family or if she is gonna retire on me, maybe has a serious or terminal illness, wants to commit me. I don’t know and my mind will not stop throwing conclusions at me. I feel so drained thanks to this suspense and my allergies. I can’t concentrate on anything amd I still have a few chores to do and I have NO desire. Why won’t she tell me? #anxious #AnxietyAttack #Aspie #Depression #ADHD #Dyspraxia #Keratoconus
Going to camp is such an awesome experience! You get to make friends, do a ton of fun things, and learn even more. I was going to camp with my parents as sponsors, from the time I was a little tyke, so when our finances finally allowed us to send our 8 and 10 year olds to camp this year, I was stoked, and so we’re they… mostly.
My 8-year-old, T, has a very anxious personality, and has since birth, along with ADHD, dyspraxia and being an HSP. He has overcome SO many fears over the years, and I almost can’t believe he’s the same kid as he was 3 years ago. However, after dropping him off at camp, yesterday evening, I really wasn’t at all surprised to get a call from him, this afternoon, in tears and wanting to come home. His reason? There were bees and wasps. Outside. Go figure. I spoke compassionately to him, reminded him how brave he’d become, and talked to him about the fun things that he’d done so far. He wasn’t convinced. However, it was time for swimming and snacks, so I told him to stick it out the rest of today, and he could call me again, tomorrow. He insisted that I pick him up, tomorrow, but I told him we’d talk and see from there. He seemed to have calmed down, and he let me talk to the camp administrator, to whom I gave a few tips on helping him cope with his anxiety.
IT WAS ONE OF THE HARDEST THINGS I’VE EVER DONE!
The thing is, T has always been high needs. As a baby, he would scream bloody murder, if he wasn’t in my arms, and often even when I was doing everything I could think of to console him. As a toddler, his voice remained high-pitched and whiny-sounding, and he seemed afraid of EVERYTHING: noise, lights, animals, bugs, grass, you name it. I learned compassionate parenting early on, because how can you punish a tiny person for being downright terrified? However, I also quickly learned that not everyone agreed with my methodology, and many thought he was just “throwing tantrums” or “being naughty”. No. I knew my baby, and he was simply scared…of the world.
So, we’ve worked through a LOT, together, and now he’s having to learn how to work through his fears, without me. It’s hard…for both of us. I have to hope that the adults and kids at camp will treat him with compassion and respect, knowing that there will probably be some who won’t. I have to be okay with letting him experience not only his fear, but likely shame, as well. This hurts my heart, because it’s not his fault, and he actually has one of the most compassionate hearts, and a strong desire to do the right thing.
As hard as it was/is to make him stay there, I truly believe it is going to be a good thing for him, no matter how much I want to run to his “rescue”. I know he is safe and in experienced hands, or else I wouldn’t have left him there in the first place. It’s not the first time that I’ve had to let my kids experience difficult things, to allow them to grow, but this is definitely the hardest one for me, knowing that I can’t be there to help him work through it at the end of the day.
What is something that you or your children experienced as a child that helped you grow, while being uncomfortable at the time?
Neurodiverse Adults zoom meetings 🧭♾
Wednesday June 8, 1:00 PM EDT (07:00 PM Brussels time)
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Tuesday June 21, 1:00PM EDT (07:00 PM Brussels time)
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Parents and Teachers of ND Students 🧭♾
From time to time teachers and parents meet to discuss neurodiversity and any problems you are having.
Social Media for Parents and Teachers, about Family Life and Education for Neurodiverse Children and Young People - autism, ADHD, Dyslexia, Dysgraphia, Dyscalculia and Dyspraxia, and coexisting conditions.
Social Media - linktr.ee/ADHD_ASC_and_LD_Belgium
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Hey NVLD Community.... :)
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What is the hardest part about having NVLD? What is the greatest? And do you struggle with other types of neurodivergences, disabilities, or mental health conditions?