FakeItTilYouMakeIt

Went to the doc today as a follow up to my hospital trip. She commented on my demeanor before going to the hospital, and she said, "if that had been me I would've freaked out, you were so chill."

And by this statement my hypothesis is confirmed. People can't read my mind because on the inside I was anything BUT chill. I masked really well! 10 points to Ravenclaw!

#FakeItTilYouMakeIt

Entering a depressive phase of my #BipolarDisorder . Feel lethargic, down and overall not great. I start thinking negative things and all I want to do is sleep. Things were going well for a while and then my mood changed. I asked my boyfriend to keep an eye on me so I don’t do anything to hurt myself, not that I plan to. I hope this doesn’t impact my work week. I feel like I have to hide it behind fake smiles and enthusiasm. They’ll never understand. So long as I’m not rapid cycling through my moods like last time, I should be okay. How do you cope when your depression is mixed with anxiety? Seriously, I just want do cry 😢 now. Thanks for reading. #SuicidalIdeation #BipolarDepression #Anxiety #Work #FakeItTilYouMakeIt

The past 4 or 5 years I have been dealing with chronic pain and frequent dislocations. I have been trying to get around not having to use a mobility aid, but I think it is in my best interest to start looking for one.

As a college freshman I am worried as to how others will perceive me once I get one. I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, so my illness is not visible compared to others. How did y’all figure out you needed to use a mobility aid? How can I get past this fear of being judged?
#EhlersDanlosSyndrome #ChronicIllness #Pain #MobilityAids #Fatigue #FakeItTilYouMakeIt

Wrote this back in 2006. I’m feeling this kind of anxiety today...

The Biggest Fraud©

That’s me.
Don’t let this smile fool you.
Somebody needs to hand me an Oscar® or Tony®.
The award for best actress goes to. . .
The real me?
I feel broken.
A level of tired I can’t convey.
(Which says a lot as I’m a mistress of words)
Hollowed out and dragging.
Watching myself—as if disembodied—sludging through each moment
(It’s almost like being half in a coma)
Overwhelmed by life and what lies outside the safety of my cocoon,
Terrified of what is beyond the 4 walls that create the solace that is my room.
The minute I hit that door
The tears start to flow and pour.
Then I get to where I’m going—
Time to pretend it’s all okay.
Slap on the humor, the wit and “the floss”
Along with the powder, blush and gloss.
Face in place, mask in tact
Ready to fake and front my way through another day.

~Kyla Bingham / August 29, 2006 #Anxiety #ChronicIllness #exhaustion #Fear #Loneliness #misunderstood #FakeItTilYouMakeIt