fibropain

I am on nearly two weeks of leave and was so excited to have some time to chill, especially after a severe Fibro flare which lasted a good three weeks. Four days into my leave, just after Christmas, my boyfriend's dad tested positive for Covid, my dad got sick with flu/Covid (second time if so), and my mom left on a three week road trip. In this time, my nearly-five year old twins are on holiday too. And just like that, after the madness of Christmas, a task I need to complete for a job I'm hoping to get, my girls' 5th birthday on the 4th Jan, and new years plans...I am in a terrible flare again. My boyfriend is amazing and took my kids for a few hours yesterday but he also has chronic health issues and is just as tired today. My support system is down and I feel like I'm drowning: pain levels yesterday and this morning are insane, I'm auditory sensitive so the constant noise is making my flare up worse, my kids are climbing up the walls, and I'm exhausted with my muscles are on fire just from doing the simplest of tasks. I'm normally tough as nails, but dammit I want to run away this morning. I have no idea if I can survive another day of this. #Fibromyalgia #fibropain #ChronicPain #Support #spoonielife

I am sitting here waiting for the sun to come out (if it decides to due to our Winter weather!) crying from the endless pain, the dark thoughts and the overwhelming feeling that my life is again spiraling out of control. I just found out there is another cyst on my last ovary and the oh so familiar pain of endo is becoming unbearable. Fighting that with my never ending pain due to fibromyalgia it just never seems to end. I know my state of mind isn’t helping, the last connection I have with my dad who passed away is being sold and there is so much pressure from my family who shows no support and doesn’t believe there is anything wrong with me to be on top of it all. I just am struggling to find reason…purpose, anything to grasp on to. I feel like I want to give up because it’s all too much. No matter how I try to explain the pain, unless you have experienced it, you can’t understand it and there are always the comparisons, oh I am in pain too you know…I constantly feel like saying it’s not a competition!!
Thanks for reading this message, I needed to express myself without judgment or without anyone minimising my pain. Xxoo

Yay! My doctor has prescribed a complete overhaul on my psych meds. I’ve been on the same meds for about 9 years and I think their wear is finally showing. So yesterday I started the new meds and it will be two weeks of onboarding one and weening the other.

The last month (and some change$$) has been a battle through and through. From picking my cuticles until they bleed to absolute meltdowns and #fibropain flare ups. I’ve been in life-crisis for the past 7 years and when “they say” that human beings cannot thrive in constant crisis, “they” are correct. 😔

I’m aware that the next two weeks COULD be difficult but I’m very much looking forward to the struggle as it’s oddly giving me a measure of hope I didn’t have before. #medicationchanges #BPD #MDD #Fibromyalgia

I read a post earlier today and thought that’s me! Most evenings I’m so exhausted 😩 that I can barely make it to my bed but then there’s nights like tonight where nothing helps the pain is so bad I want to cry 😢 but once again there’s no tears left. I don’t know what to do with myself I need to sleep and to heal from today but I can’t get comfortable and when I do I jerk myself awake again. Sorry for the moan but sometimes it’s just that bad and I struggle with the grief of losing myself to this never ending cycle. #Painsomnia #fibropain #pregabalinwithdrawal #restlesslegs #musclespasms #exhaustion

I need support who can check in with me? #BipolarDisorder #ChronicIlless #DatingWithAChronicIllness #Dating

I just sat down and realized how much pain I am in. The hospital cancelled all appointments; which of course is common sense. My body is just not understanding that.